Confessions – Chapter One Hundred and Forty Four

I finally got down to studying. I had been so preoccupied with what was happening in my life I had not really put that much work into it. I liked this Milpark Place and apart from the occasional parties that disrupted the peace it was quiet enough to focus. After the lecture I got from Rodney I realised that I was totally dependent on him so I was at his mercy. I could not afford to mess up. When he called if I missed his call I made sure I called back immediately because I did not want him to suspect that I was up to something. Dating a sugar daddy that knows you are dependent on him entirely is hard. You never know who is watching your steps. It was also very hard changing uniforms every time I went to school just as to avoid his wife. I doubt very much she would come check up on the place often because like all Jhb women she seemed so busy. How do they do it though these women? They look so on point all the time yet seem so busy. I could see myself in a few years time as a business woman. I doubt you can call that ambition because this should be standard with every girl. I refuse to end up like my mother. Hell no. Unemployed and a housewife in this day and age plus worse at her age. I stopped changing uniforms at some point as this was just too much.

It was two weeks after this that my mother finally came to visit she heeded my warning to stay away so I could settle in. My aunt was no longer taking my calls and even when I sent her a whatsapp my messages would not go in. It was obvious she had blocked me. Jack was calling again. He said he was out of hospital now and even though he had been shot by his wife he had stayed with her. He said that he become a born again and the reason for his call was to apologise for having taken advantage of me. It was part of his cleansing process and how he would close this chapter of his life. It felt though that he had a gun at the back of his head. Jack always had this arrogance and self assuredness of a kasi boy but now he sounded like a shell of himself. He sounded sincere too if not a bit down. I wished him all the best in life. What more could I say to him? He was dumb enough to get caught so he was not worth it. I doubt I would even miss him but thanks for the phone! I had not walked out of the relationship with nothing.

I was lonely though so when Nozipho asked if she could come and visit I readily agreed. Much as she annoyed me it meant I would have someone familiar to keep me sane. I also knew it would give my parents peace of mind if they knew that I was not alone and I had someone from how to stay with me. On the negative end was the fact that I not only had to ask Rodney if she could come but also that she had been rude to Rodney that time when he came to Bloemfontein. See, it pays to be nice to people because you do not know how it will benefit you in future.

I asked Rodney if my cousin could come visit as I was lonely. He laughed at me for asking and said she could come. He reminded me that I did not need permission for everything I did as long as I was not doing a bad thing. With that said she was here the following day. I had to go pick her up at Park Station which is close enough to my school. Lungile walked me there after I told her I did not know how to get there. It was good to see my cousin and I even cried. I realised I missed home so much even my mother. I even called her and told her that Nozipho had arrived safe and sound. I asked her when would visit and she said she would if she knew where I was. I finally told her where and she asked if she could come immediately. I told her no, after the weekend as I was still a bit busy. I could hear the frustration in her voice but ok.

If you are not from a big city then coming to Jhb is like heaven. Nozipho did not need settling in for she was already talking about going out and the lot. I told her I could not because I had to study. She called me boring. That Friday when she arrived she had to go downstairs to but something at the Spar. When she came back she told me she had been invited for a party somewhere downstairs by these two guys. I warned her that it’s not safe but she insisted on going and besides it was in the building. I could not control her that was certain so she left. It’s hard to study on a Friday. I sent Rodney an sms and asked him if I could attend the party. I waited two hours and when he had not replied I decided to go find my cousin. It was late anyway so the intention was to chill a bit then come back with her.

When I got to the room with the party I was quite surprised that there were a lot of people there. With black people we never really need to get told what the party is for and especially if you are girl, your invitation is immediate. I found Nozipho talking to two guys outside. One was Malose, a tall light skinned guy who said he played rugby for the Blue Bulls academy and the other was Julius I think he said something like doctor or lawyer but one of those common professions. Was not really interested but I laughed at the name because when he said he was from Limpopo I immediately thought Juju.

The party was actually quite nice. I was drinking but there was some weed so I took a few puffs and I got high quite quickly. Nozipho was out of order though. She was the life of the party and even managed to kiss both Malose and Julius. Deep stuff. I just could not let loose for some reason.

Around One I decided that it was time to go and I had to drag my cousin back upstairs by force because she did not want to go back. Malose and Julius walked us. I think they thought they were going to get lucky because Malose especially was all over Nozipho. He insisted we call him Losky for some reason but I ignored because he was getting too friendly with Nozipho.

Eventually we got to my place and I can’t remember what we were laughing about when I opened the door.

Sitting on the couch facing the door was Rodney and he looked angry. Julius saw him first (of the two guys) and said,

“Shit your father!”

And because we were all high, the other three laughed except for me!

I was in trouble!

****The End****

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

You are an inspiration to so many people Mr. Maphoto thank you so much.

I was 16 when I was raped by three guys coming from the shops. I live in Soshanguve Pretoria and I had gone to the shops in the evening. They are not far from my house but the short cut makes you pass a small bush. I had used that route everyday of my life so I was not scared. It happened so fast. I had to go buy candles because they said we would have load shedding later that evening. One guy approached me and tried to say hi but ignored. The other two jumped me from the back and that was that. I went for counselling and all that but to this day I can’t get over it. I often contemplate suicide because I have nightmares of that day. I was a virgin that time so the physical pain I went through is still as vivid today as it was that day. It’s been three years now and I still have not slept with a guy. I don’t date, I don’t go out after 5pm and I have withdrawn from society. My life is so miserable.

Thank You

Makaziwe