The Moment That I Step Outside…

Quinn and I have been going to the park near our house more often lately. We’ve been cooped up inside way too much lately, and the days are going to be getting colder before too long, so I want to take advantage of the chance to be outside while we can.

The other day, Chris came home from work early because he wasn’t feeling well. After he took a nap, he decided to take her out to the park.

When he came back, he tells me that he saw a man there hitting on a woman. They both had kids with them, so it wasn’t like the guy was just trolling the park for ladies.

My husband: I mean, it just seemed so weird. I didn’t see if they were wearing wedding rings or anything, but I just assumed that if they had kids…
Me: Look at you being all traditional! If they had kids, they must be married!

We go on about our business, and a few hours later, he brings it up again.

Him: I mean, that just really bothered me.
Me: Why? They are both people. They date. It’s not like he was badgering her. You don’t know that they were married. They could have both been single and found each other attractive. What’s the problem?
Him: I don’t know.

(Silence.)

Me: You worried I’m going to go to the park and some dude’s going to hit on me?
Him: Yeah.

Who wouldn’t want to hit on me in the park?

I had to laugh a little. I mean, it’s sweet that my husband thinks that I’m such a hot catch that some other man is going to come along and try to swoop me up. But, really, it’s things like these that makes me wonder how much my husband really pays attention. It would be about as easy for some random stranger to pick me up as it would be for me to beat Mike Tyson in an arm-wrestling match. I don’t. like. people. I do everything I can to avoid talking to people in public. If I notice that someone is approaching me, I look away or walk away. I pretend not to hear people when they say “Excuse me, miss?” If I can’t avoid them, I say as little as possible to disengage.

If a person approached me and then had some cheesy pickup line? Fuhgeddaboudit. That would be met with outright hostility. Case in point:

Me walking by random dude with my bitchy resting face.
Random dude: You need to smile!
Me: No, I don’t. Fuck off.

Even if an attractive person approached me, the moment I sensed they were trying to pick me up, I would be put off. I don’t understand the whole dating game where you meet someone, make casual chit chat (total agony!), ask for their number, call them up, go on a date, and spend the next several hours in tense, awkward limbo where you try to pull interesting tidbits out of each other.

If someone really wanted to seduce me, the quickest way to do it would be to become my friend. All of the romantic partners I’ve had started as friends. All of them.

Real connection. Now that’s sexy.

Besides, if some random dude tried to hit on me in the park, all I would be able to think about is this:

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