Why I Couldn't Sleep Last Night

After another night of boring TV (why do we pay for cable?) and what felt like web surfing on the same 5 pages I always look at (and random Google searches), it was time for bed. Earlier in the evening I heard a sound over the monitor. I realized it was one of Brixton's puzzles--one of those ones that make noise when you match the right pieces up--the horse in the puzzle kept neighing out of the blue--and Brixton was still awake, laying in his crib with both hands over his eyes, frozen in fear.

I went up and comforted him, then fixed the equine offender. Except, I noticed that the puzzle was situated in a way that wouldn't have allowed it to make noise. Brendan, on the phone from Texas, assured me the puzzle was probably losing battery power and going kind of nuts.

An hour later, I heard the neigh again. This time Brixton was asleep, but I was kind of freaked out. I trekked up the stairs again and removed the puzzle from his room, calling it a jerk and putting it on a chair in our office area.

Bedtime at 11 came and went, and as my usual habit, I read for far too long. I turned the light off without looking at the clock, but it was probably closer to midnight.

I laid there. The pillows weren't comfortable. My arm was hot. Then my arm was cold. I heard something. Wind. I heard something else. Brixton on the monitor. What was that? Oh, my breathing. I couldn't relax or get comfy.

And then, I heard it. The horse.

This is what a normal person might think: "Oh, that puzzle is going off again. I should put it in a closet so we can't hear it anymore."

This is what I thought: "If I were to open my bedroom door, there would be a huge demonic horse shaped puzzle piece standing there. Or I would find that the puzzle piece was just sitting there on the floor, freaky style, because a ghost or something put it there."

Really, with me it's just not simple. It's like a scene from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.

After I sat there for a minute, I heard the neigh again. Wow, that's really loud. I thought.

Opening my door and finding...nothing standing there waiting for me, I put the puzzle in the closet.

That should fix the problem. I thought. It was 1 am.

I laid there. I tossed and turned. I almost fell asleep. I'm not kidding you when I say I heard the neigh again. My blood ran cold. I knew I was starring in my own horror film. How else could you explain being able to hear a little puzzle piece make noise through two doors?

It neighed again. It was loud. And it was coming from the monitor. The demon-possessed puzzle piece was going for my kid.

It wasn't the puzzle, guys. I wasted about 4 hours thinking it was the puzzle and it wasn't. It was his stupid barn toy. I got up (again) and took that toy from his room, trying to go in all Seal Team 6 style. Turns out I'm not that good at covert ops, so Brixton sat up and said, "Hi Mama." I sat on his bed with him and tickled his back. Then his bed broke.

Yep.

It went CRACK! And we fell down on one side a few inches. Can I just say it was 2:30 in the morning? There was no way I wanted to deal with that right then. I found that if I shifted his mattress one way and if I wasn't on the bed, it was passable. And he was asleep. So yeah, I left.

I got in bed. Laid there. Ugh. Had to pee. Like a tablespoon.

Back in bed. Finally, finally comfortable. "He'll sleep till 8" I prayed/willed/wished.

Almost asleep.

Screams, cries, MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA.

So, at 3:30 am, I made the wrong choice of bringing him into bed with me. Which meant he said, "Mama? Party? Mama? Truck? Mama sleep?" For about 30 minutes until I just started to ignore him, which meant his then used his small body to steamroll me and jab his feet directly into my bladder. Which, yes, meant I had to go again.

Oh, and he woke up at 6 am bright and chipper as the dumb birds that started chirping at 3:01 am.

So yeah, happy Friday.