31 Days {Day 16} – Change Your Expectations

Last September, I wrote about expectations. Specifically, I wrote about our dog, Molly and how I unfairly expected her to be the same as our first dog, Sloane. It took me some time to accept that these were two different types of dogs with two different temperaments and personalities. On top of all that, these two dogs had very different beginnings. Sloane was a pure bread dachshund who we bought from a breeder. Molly was a shelter puppy, found abandoned in the woods along her litter mates. When they found her, two of her litter mates were already dead. Molly and the other two surviving puppies were lucky to be alive. In Disney terms, Sloane was the spoiled princess who never worked a day in her life while Molly was the poor, mistreated orphan girl, sentenced to do hard labor. These two dogs couldn’t be more different. Yet I expected Molly to behave just like Sloane. And every time she didn’t behave like Sloane, I was disappointed and frustrated.

We all have expectations. We expect our kids to behave a certain way. We expect our spouses or partners to show their love for us in a certain way. We expect our friends to treat us a certain way. We expect our jobs to be fulfilling. We expect our parents to always be healthy. We expect regular raises and lower monthly debts. We carry our expectations around with us everywhere we go. And when our expectations aren’t met, we are disappointed, frustrated, and generally unhappy.

Expectations aren’t inherently bad. In fact, expectations can be good. Expecting to be treated well by others can stop us from tolerating mistreatment. But expectations can be bad for us when they are unfair or unattainable. Sometimes we expect people to behave in a way that is fundamentally different from who they are. Sometimes we expect a job to be fulfilling when the best it will ever be is tolerable. In these instances, our expectations are setting us up for failure.

Once I became aware of my expectations about Molly, I gradually (and with no small amount of effort) changed my expectations. It’s not that I lowered my expectations. I didn’t stop expecting her to be well-behaved or stop expecting her to be housebroken. But I adjusted my expectations so that they were fair to Molly. Instead of expecting Molly to be the best “Sloane” she can ever be, I now expect her to the best “Molly” she can be. And that has made all the difference.

This post is part of the 31 Days Series-Choose Your Change. Did you miss a day? Visit the 31 Days Welcome page for links to each day.