I have decided that airports are one of my least favorite places in the entire universe.
There are SO MANY PEOPLE, for one. Who knew so many people were traveling all the time? You ever want to feel less special, go to an airport. There are people traveling to exotic locations like no bigs. Tralalalala, just heading to Hawaii on a Tuesday, perfectly normal.
Also, no one eats real food in the airport. I’m honestly pretty sure that airport calories don’t count, by the looks of things. It’s like a bizarrro land where I buy King Sized bags of Peanut M&Ms and shop at Brookstone’s, for the love. You know how many times I shop at Brookstone and eat Peanut M&Ms in my normal life? Negative four, friends. Negative four. The weirdest things start looking strangely appealing. Gardetto’s? I mean, I haven’t eaten any since the high school cafeteria in 1997, but why not? A new charm bracelet? I suddenly feel like I need one.
With all the fattening food and strange shopping everywhere, you’d think that airport people would be happy, but that is not the case. I have literally never seen a single happy person at the airport. Couples fight, kids cry, and people who are alone like me just try to find a spot to sit where no one will try to talk to them. Ywsterday morning I took a nap at my gate in the airport. I just went to sleep like it’s perfectly normal to sit down amongst strangers and start sleeping in front of them. Did I snore or make a funny face? I don’t know. Airport Kristan eats King Sized Peanut M&M’s and doesn’t care about snoring.
Life is just strange, you guys. It really is.
You need this cake in your life!
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