Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Two

I wanted to punch the wall, I wanted to punch something, I don’t know what but something. I worked so hard because I wanted to give my wife the best ever future. We had one salary in the house which means I had to put an extra shift. She supported this and even encouraged it. Fuck, now it felt as though she only encouraged it because it would mean that she had spare time to get people to come to the house I was paying for and sleep with her. Dear God! How many times had I slept with her same day after she had slept with someone else? Did they use condoms? I wanted to throw up! She did not even have the decency of keeping it a secret as all her friends knew. I was the fool. I was the idiot. When they looked at me I am sure they laughed at me. I was pathetic. Playing Mr. Lawyer there when ndiya tyelwa! It’s what I call eating humble pie.

“Zimasa!”
I shouted. She came running and asked what was wrong.
“I am hungry make food!”

I said. It was already 930pm and I had refused before but who cares! She could see my anger and feel it. Poor child had school the following day.

“What must I make?”

She asked,

“Why the fuck are you asking me? You live here with that whore of a sister so make a plan!”

I barked. I was so angry I could have hurt her. I don’t know what had gotten into me but when I looked at her all I saw was Asthandile. Zimasa came to stay with us because she was already known for sleeping around so the gene clearly was in her family.

I found myself sitting on the couch yet again thinking about God knows what!

I won’t lie, I have to share most of the blame for this divorce not coming through. I have more excuses than Pitso Mosimane and that’s saying a lot. Divorce is not something you just do no matter how bad things are. People who have never been married or people that are dating only seem to think that when you are married you can just dump a person. How many times have you heard of both men and women standing by each when one is accused oof crime inclusive of murder and rape. It’s not weakness or a bad heart, lack of conviction nor cowardice but rather the fact there is that overwhelming fear of abandonment. Don’t take love so cheapily and for granted. Some times you fight for the marriage because indeed it is worthy of fighting but other times as in my case, you finally come to your senses and pack your bags and find the road. That think line for me had been crossed. I hated her. I wanted her to go drown in Jackzorro’s and KayVee’s tea spoon for all I care! That’s was what I wanted and one more thing, I was never going to get married again! Women are shit and yes they tell us constantly how bad we are as man but cut the bullshit, in the last ten years for a sheer lack of pride and self worth, women are just as bad as men. 50\50 has never meant more than it does now and Asthandile was not one of a kind, she is one of so many! Phew, needed to vent!

“The food is ready!”

She said to scared to look me in the eye. The poor child had made me bread and eggs. I was about to bite her head off but I could see the fear and exhaustion on her face.

“Thank you. I am sorry I shouted at you earlier!”

I said. The way she ran so fast to her room made me feel so ashamed! She did not deserve for me to take it out on her. I went to bed soon after but with a heavy heart. Not in that bedroom of course but on the couch downstairs.

In the morning I decided to drive Zimasa to school because I still had so much guilt in me. I was going to be late for work but I had to. She was very nervous about it but did not dare to refuse the offer. I gave her r100 for the days pocket money which was a lot if you consider she only got r500 per month pocket money. I saw Ezile and she waved. Her father was the one dropping her off and when he saw he made a run for it.

At work the mood had lifted somewhat but when someone is missing you can tell. It was not the same. My personal assistant told me that my boss was waiting for me. What now? I was not interested in talking to anyone. I went to his office.

“Sit, sit, Mxolisi glad you came today was worried about this!”

He said as soon as I entered.

“Is everything ok sir!”

I asked him.

“Yes everything is fine under the circumstances. We have decided that Dalu and you are going to represent the firm at Lindi’s funeral!”

He said as though it was a good thing. This racist bastard! They were not even going to attend their own colleagues funeral. We were not the biggest firm and in fact they had worked closely with Lindiwe on many cases. She dies and they decide to send two black employees to represent her. I was so disgusted.

“No sir, Lindiwe was your protégé you have to attend this funeral with us!”

I said curtly and coldly. He saw I was not kidding and there was no way out.

“Yes of course I will arrange that!”

He said. These white people want to act as though we are things and not people. Someone had died! Now was not the time to expose your true nature. Bury her with dignity for goodness sake. She deserved a good send off. I was so annoyed.

“Just make sure you two prepare. That will be all!”

I stood up and left and it was then I remembered,

Lindiwe’s family wanted damages and after that little speech to my boss I now REALLY had to go there!

*****The End*****

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
[email protected]

Dear Mike and fellow readers
Firstly, thank you Mike for the wonderful blogs you write am so in love with them.

Am a 25 years old in a relationship with a 30 years old. Its been 5years now and we have a 3years old baby boy. i love my man so much problem is he drinks 2much and has a rotten attitude when he’s drunk. That has created enemies for him and made me have anger towards him. Even his father kicked him out because of that he now stays with me,we both work well he earns much more than me but spends money on booze. We share house expenses then he spends the rest on booze,I just bought myself a car which we always argue about couse he wants to drive it more than I do. I love him but I dont see my future wit him.

Last year he had Tb symptoms so I decided we get tested for HIV. He doesn’t cheat I know and trust him even his friends mock him an say I gave him love portion. He tested positive an I tested negative. Even after 6month still negative even now am still negative an he says he’s never cheated on me so possibility is he got it before we met. Doctor says maybe am one of those people who dont get it maybe in big laters.

When we told his parents about his status they said his ex before me once came after they broke up and said my man must go get tested but he never did. I was not told even when we met he never mentioned it. I test twice a year and we always assumed when am negative he’s negative too,his parents says when they saw me breastfeed 4 2years they assumed the ex was lying.

He didnt go for his cd4 count and he doesn’t take this seriously,antlek he says he’s not positive it was a mistake,we always use condoms but sometimes he asks without it bt I refuse.i dont want only 1 child at least 2 or 3 bt how can I when the man I love is always drunk an takes nothing seriously,we suppose 2 set date 4 lobola negotiations but I told him 2 wait about that,my doctor advised me DAT if he doesn’t take arvs I MST NT marry him.

Confused….