We're Only Mean Girls If You Push Our Buttons

"You can't sit with us."
Playfully thrown around by every girl ever. Most are joking, some are serious. I assume the serious ones are total bitches and no one wants to sit with them anyway so psshhh bye.
However I absolutely believe there is a time and place for "you can't sit with us" to be implemented. Let me tell you this: no one gets along with everyone. And if you say you do, you're lying. Or either really really really boring and with no original thought ever in the world. And in that case, you don't have a table to talk of so double psshhh bye.
Let me be clear outright: I am one of the nicest people you will ever meet. Maybe not initially, when you first see me, I admit I can come across as a little snotty and stuck-up. I'm also super honest if I forgot to mention? Anyway. I totally and completely acknowledge at first meet, I can come across as a tad pretentious. A little haughty. But let me tell you why! It's because in my experience, I have come across so many for real snotty and haughty girls that I automatically put my guard up and model that iPhone emoticon girl with the crossed arms. She = me.
However! No matter where I am, who I'm with, what situation I'm in...if anyone approaches me and says hello, I automatically turn to mush and am all, "hiiiiiiiii girl! What's your name? Wanna come over to my house for a drink? Wanna go bikini shopping together? Wanna be besties?! Forever and ever amen?" And I kid you not. That's just the truth! I may put up a front, but once you get behind the curtain, I am kumbaya, one love, group text, sister wives, let's have a sleepover together and tell our deepest darkest secrets kind of person.
It's my nature to be all loving and smothering to my newest friend of the week. (Just kidding. For reals though, I have some of the best besties ever, and they never fail me. And I hope I never fail them!) But like I've stated before, we can't be friends if you a ho.
Some of the major bullet points of being my friend:
- we can't have the same "good side" when taking selfies. - you are easily offended. If I have to explain and apologize for the super offensive jibe I just made at your expense, we cannot be friends. - if you aren't aware of your eye crust, you cannot sit with me! - are you a crier? A god forbid shoudler crier?! Ew no. - if I hate her, you hate her. No questions asked. - we have to be able to have an entire text convo made up entirely of emoticons. - does seeing my boobs make you uncomfortable? If so, we can't be friends. - there may come a time I need to borrow your panties. If you can't hack that, BYE.
Other than that, I'm relatively not that picky.
But ok here comes the important part. The part where Mean Girls made a super important point.
Me and my friends are amazing. Just as I assume you and your friends are as well. However, once you cross that line - and there is a line - you be ousted! Not only that, but "you can't sit with us" never took on the meaning it does now.
Like say for example: me and my friends are at the bar ordering a drink. We look over and see you and your sidekick so obviously whispering and gossiping in our direction. Now, I don't judge those of you that gossip...I do the same. Don't think for a minute I'm not nudging my boo and declaring, "oh my gawd. Look at that hooker and her sorry excuse for a tube top and what in the hell is that thing she has hanging off the side of her earlobe?!"
The difference is, I do so in a classy, uptown kind of way.
When we see someone so obviously snarling in our direction, without even trying to hide your wily ways, you better bet your ass we are going to approach you and ask what the hell you are staring at. And when Stacee does, like she did last weekend, and you respond with, "what? I don't even know what you are talking about?" you best believe I will come here where you so obviously read and say to you, "honey wench, you only wish you could sit at our table."
Psshh BYE.