I’ve been doing a little bit of research into Emotional Intelligence as of late, and it’s something that doesn’t get the hype it deserves. EQ is the ability to identify, use, understand and manage your emotions in a positive way that will significantly impact the way you behave and interact with others. Working on your EQ helps you to build stronger relationships and gain the motivation necessary to reach career and personal goals. Why? Because having high emotional intelligence means that you’re able to recognize the emotional state of yourself and others in order to engage with people in a way that draws them to you (and who doesn’t want that?)
How to raise your emotional intelligence
Since all information that we receive is transmitted through our senses, when the info is super stressful or emotional, our instincts respond with an immediate flight or fight response. Having the ability to balance our emotions means granting ourselves a wider range of choices, enabling us to make better decisions based on reason and common sense.
Emotional intelligence is built by reducing stress, remaining focused, and staying connected to yourself and others. You can do this by learning four key skills:
1. Rapidly reduce stress in the moment
High levels of stress can overwhelm the mind and body, interfering with your ability to accurately read a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of your own feelings, and communicate clearly. Therefore, being able to quickly calm yourself down and relieve stress will keep you balanced, focused, and in control—no matter how stressful a situation becomes.
2. Nonverbal communication
Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. We all know that what you say can often be less important than how you say it. The gestures you make, how fast or how loud you talk, how close you stand, or how much eye contact you make all affect your ability to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust. Be mindful of what kind of messages you’re transmitting with your nonverbal communication, and if what you say matches what you feel. You also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send you. When communicating:
3. Use humor and play to deal with challenges
Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life’s difficulties. They lighten your burdens and help you keep things in perspective. Playful communication broadens your emotional intelligence and helps you:
Be sure to set time aside in your days to do things that allow you to be playful – a hobby, a funny YouTube channel you love, or just speeding time with children, pets or playful people in your life.
4. Resolve conflict positively
Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in all relationships. Two people can’t possibly have the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times, but resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.
The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is supported by the previous skills. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and aware, communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, you’ll be better equipped to handle emotionally charged situations and catch and defuse many issues before they escalate.
Tips for resolving conflict in a trust-building way:
Becoming more aware of your emotions and how much power you give to them can be an incredible turning point in your life. Staying present and learning to not be reactive and at the mercy of your emotions can really change your relationships, your career and your life (que Pharell’s “happy” again. I’ll never get sick of it).
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