On becoming a mother of two.

Well it’s become inevitable – we’re having a baby. Very soon. I’m at that point of pregnancy where it technically could happen anytime, so my mind is pretty consumed with it all. I’m uncomfortable, having fairly regular contractions (yay prodromal labor!) and large enough to never forget there is a fully formed human inside my torso (SO weird). My emotions are all over the place which is saying a lot because I’ve been fairly level headed this go around. I’m so excited, so nervous, so overwhelmed with what is about to happen in our lives. It’s huge. It’s been a long time coming.

Harper has been our entire universe for over 4 and half years. It’s virtually impossible for me to comprehend loving another little person like I do her. I know – it will just happen. I know it will because that is just how it works. In a few weeks I will look back on this feeling and laugh because I will be holding a baby I love and I will understand. I love him already you know? But I don’t know him. It’s awesome to me that in years I can look back on this same post and laugh as well, as I’ll know him as well as I know H and I won’t be able to imagine life without him.

I think seeing them together is what I am most looking forward to. Harper is SO excited. She is going to be an amazing big sister. I used to really worry about the age difference. I worried that since they will be nearly 5 years apart they will never be liking the same things, be in the same phase of life, have nothing in common. But the more I think about it the happier I am to have this age difference. She knows exactly what is going on, wants so badly to help and teach him things, and I just know that despite those 5 years, they are going to be great friends. Of course they could hate each other later on, but I just have this feeling they won’t. I can’t wait for that moment she finally gets to see him (pretty sure at this point she thinks we are lying about him ever coming – 10 months is a LONG time to anyone, let alone a 4 year old). I get all misty even thinking about the two of them together.

Of course on the other hand I am totally terrified of parenting two kids. Harper is at an age where she is very independent. It’s hard in many ways, but not in the way and infant is hard. We have been getting a full nights sleep for like 4 years. She’s potty trained, plays independently when she wants to, feeds herself, all of that jazz. I know it will all be a learning curve, just as having her was. I’m scared but excited for the challenge. I know having a bunch of kids comes naturally to a lot of people – I am not one of them. I’m nervous about feeling overwhelmed, but as with H, I will get the hang of it and once again look back and laugh at myself. It’s all good. Or at least, it will be. Lie to me!

I can already taste the mix of emotions I’m going to have within the next few weeks. My EDD is August 15th which leaves us 3 weeks give or take (H was 5 days “late”). Every morning I am taking a moment to remind myself these are the last weeks of us 3. It’s not that I don’t think things will be better, it’s just that I’m acutely aware that things will never again be like this. There will be four. Which I am ready for. While also not. POST OF CONTRADICTIONS WHEN WILL YOU END!

Here I suppose. Things in the house are ready. He has a place to sleep, things to keep him warm, and three people who are kind of beside themselves to meet him. I’m in a glass case of emotion about it all. We’re here when you’re ready, little sir.