Sharing my heart
Tomorrow, April 1st, it will be 12 years since we lost my dad. It never fails that when that day rolls around, my body, heart, and mind seem to just shut down on me, like it remembers what I put it through that year. I'm usually an emotional wreck, happy, sad, mad, tired...all kinds of feelings. When tragedy strikes, there is no telling how people are going to handle it. Some become stronger and ban together with friends and family, while others take longer to process that loss and the feelings that come along with it.
If you haven't experienced death, then to you...12 years may seem like a long time. Enough time for me to accept it and in a way...move on. But that's the crazy thing about death. Even years after that person has been gone, there are days when the pain is almost unbearable, days that you feel fine, and days when you are so angry because of all that they have and will miss. This day has become my reminder that I was so lucky to have had him for the amount of time I did and that he left me in the amazing hands of my family and amazing friends, new and old, far and close.
If you haven't experienced death, then to you...12 years may seem like a long time. Enough time for me to accept it and in a way...move on. But that's the crazy thing about death. Even years after that person has been gone, there are days when the pain is almost unbearable, days that you feel fine, and days when you are so angry because of all that they have and will miss. This day has become my reminder that I was so lucky to have had him for the amount of time I did and that he left me in the amazing hands of my family and amazing friends, new and old, far and close.
He would play in the sand with us for hours, even as we got older. I wish that everyone could have met him, at least once. He was someone who expected a lot from the people he came in contact with, but it was because he wanted you to respect yourself above all else. As my 7th grade basketball coach, on our first day of practice he made it very clear that he wasn't going to have some salt on one side and pepper on the other, but rather we were going to be "salt n pepper" and work together as a team. I learned more from him in those 14 years than some people learn in a lifetime. He taught me to respect others, love life, love myself, and always be proud of who I am and what I'm doing. And if I can't do those things, then I need to make a change.
The end of that note explains him to a tee. His impact was felt throughout our community... he wasn't just my dad, or my sister and brother's dad, he was the dad figure to so many people. Students of his considered him their best friends, their confidant, their mentor. It showed when we walked out of the church at his memorial, and not only were the pews filled, but the line to hear people who loved him talk and be there was around the corner. At his memorial in our high school gym, we sat in there for hours listening to stories, watching the GG's do his favorite dance that he loved, comforting his students who were just as shocked as we were. That same gym was later named after him.... The Paul Bohan Hornet Gym... I couldn't think of anyone more deserving....but maybe I'm a little biased.
I think so far, although he "missed" my high school graduation and my college graduation, our wedding was the hardest but most special time to honor him. Dad was a huge James Taylor fan so as all of our guests were walking in and getting seated, we had James Taylor's greatest hits playing. It was my way of him being a part of it and letting all of our friends and family know that he was there too.
My baby brother walked me down the isle and I couldn't have imagined anyone else doing it in honor of my dad. He is so much like my dad even though he was so young when we lost him. He provided us with laughter, love, and so much to look forward to during such a sad time in our life and I just love how amazing of a kid he has become.
My baby brother walked me down the isle and I couldn't have imagined anyone else doing it in honor of my dad. He is so much like my dad even though he was so young when we lost him. He provided us with laughter, love, and so much to look forward to during such a sad time in our life and I just love how amazing of a kid he has become.
My amazing Granddad danced with me to the "father daughter dance" to Somewhere over the rainbow by Katharine McPhee. I seriously was fine all day long...no big tears....I was just truly happy but that song and my granddad just brought it all home. I felt sad my dad wasn't there but so happy that I had such a wonderful man in my life who always made sure I was happy, taken care of , and loved. Between him, my Grandmom, family and our friends, we survived what we never thought possible.
Katherine McPhee - Over The Rainbow by Katharine McPhee on Grooveshark
Katherine McPhee - Over The Rainbow by Katharine McPhee on Grooveshark
My favorite memory that always comes to my mind when I think of my dad is this particular swimming memory. It was Allstars, where you had to qualify to go, swim against all the awesome swimmers from all over that part of the state. I ended up in the finals, seated in 8th place, in lane 8. These girls I was swimming against were monsters compared to little ol me, but that didn't stop dad from pumping me up so much right before I swam. I stepped on those blocks, looked across the pool at him, he gave me "our sign" and the last thing I heard before the announcer said "take your mark" was " GO DOOTERBOOT". I swam my little heart out. I kicked like I had never kicked before, moved my arms quicker than I thought possible, and just wanted to make sure I gave it my all. My dad always said if I could get out of the pool by myself, that I didn't give it my all. So at the turn, I look around and see no one. I figured they were all pretty much that far ahead of me and just swam hard even harder so I didn't shame myself.
As I hit the wall, I looked up and saw no one around me. I glanced up at the scoreboard and saw Lane 8 Place 1. I couldn't barely believe it. I had won. I remember jumping out of the pool to run go find my dad. When I got to where he should have been with my family, he wasn't there. I turned to look for him and hear/see him screaming down the side of the pool and then all the sudden his legs go flying out from under him and he slips and falls. Don't worry, he wasn't hurt. hehe We finally run into each others arms, and that moment, oh that moment, if it could have just lasted forever. I never felt more proud of myself and more pride from him. He was my biggest fan. That was the last meet my dad would ever get to watch me swim...I'm glad I ended it on a win.
Thank you for letting me share my heart and my dad with you. I think sometimes I just need to talk about him so my fear of forgetting the little things subsides. I'll leave you with our favorite picture that we decided was him and Dave, my brother, the two peas in a pod, walking into the sunset together on one of their golf outings.
Thank you for letting me share my heart and my dad with you. I think sometimes I just need to talk about him so my fear of forgetting the little things subsides. I'll leave you with our favorite picture that we decided was him and Dave, my brother, the two peas in a pod, walking into the sunset together on one of their golf outings.
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