why do you do that

I love writing my “how do you do that?” posts (see: 1, 2, 3 & 4), so today I’m doing a little variation on that idea. Instead of asking “how?” about things that confuse me, I’m asking “why do you do that?” about things that confound me. Check it.

Why Do You Do That…?

… Kylie Jenner’s Instagram photos of her cars? You thought I was gonna say her lips, right? But no, I’m more annoyed by her car photos. We get it – you’re rich.

… me? For looking at Kylie Jenner’s Instagram photos?

… people who walk through a door I clearly opened for myself? I’m not a doorman. And you can at least say “thank you.”

… drivers who honk in traffic? We’re all annoyed we are just sitting here, don’t you honk at me!

… those people who are last in line and a cashier opens up a new register to take the next customer and that person runs over? You know who I mean.

… Bowie the pug when you circle 4 thousand times before taking a poop outside? Hurry up.

… people in my neighborhood who walk in the middle of the road? Scoot on over to the side of the road people.

… snow? You suck. Go away.

… homeowners/buyers on HGTV? They’re always so bitchy and shocked when their 100 year old house has structural problems.

… servers who try to take my plate away when there is another bite? I’m cleaning my plate. Git.

… people who wear jeans at inappropriate times? If you’re going to a nice dinner or (my) wedding, don’t wear jeans please.

… telemarketers? I know it’s your job, but please don’t call me every single day at the same exact time.

… co-workers who leave weird things in the work fridge and then never get rid of it? At my old job, there was a single hot dog in a ziploc bag for months. Gross.

… people who leave their shopping cart wherever they want instead of taking it to the cart return?

… moviegoers who repeat funny lines the character just said? Yes, everyone else in the theater heard it already.

… Bowie the pug for barking at nothing?

… dreams that make no sense? I dreamed the other day that I was explaining YouTube to my grandmother (who passed away years ago) and then my dad walked in the room carrying Kanye West. I can’t even make this up.

… lipstick on my face? I can’t figure out how to not make you look like I have crazy Koolaid mouth.

… HBO? I have you set to record Girls and you record the Spanish dubbed version.

… Sleep Number beds? You are way more ‘spensive than I thought and I’m mad at you.

What would you add to this list? What things leave you asking “Whyyyyyy?”

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