Unannounced Marriage Expansion Plans

16 beautiful months of marriage today. Yes, I still count by months.

I will probably be that mother who counts her child's life by the months until she or he is three years old. I never completely understood why women counted like that when I was young and overheard their conversations with others in the doctor's office. Today, I am fully aware.

I count by months within my own marriage because each month is an absolute blessing. Just being completely aware of making it from one month to the next is a huge step. Jumping a hurdle, if you will. It's an accomplishment in the eyes of many like myself. Years encompass far too much time and change for me, therefore, counting month by month really allows me to evaluate our growth through marriage. Especially, during a season such as this one.

Long Distance. As of October 8 it has been 7 months since Tony and I started out on this adventure of living life with a long distance marriage.

Oddly enough, I recently found myself discussing marriage with a professor on campus while asking for clarification about a particular upcoming assignment for my field experience. This particular professor saw my Erin Condren life planner photos and commented that she hoped my husband and I would continue to have the joy of love in our eyes in all that we do as the years go by as we did in those pictures from our wedding day.

Such weight in those words, friends. Such realization that what I thought our marriage would look like at this time, it does not- But that is okay. Such depth in the power of faith and love. Such conviction. Needless to say, I walked out of my professor's office with more knowledge about my future assignment and I gained valued wisdom on marriage, which was more than I bargained for (but needed as a reminder).

Our marriage is currently all that Jesus wanted it to be.

During this season I like to think that Tony and I have learned a lot about marriage, each other individually, and ourselves as a couple. Of course I would love for him to be at home with me each and every afternoon day in and out. Of course the mornings are not as full waking up alone, the days are long, and the nights are even longer. Yes, I complain often about the traveling, rare amount of time we get to see each other, and spending true quality time together talking, laughing, and loving. I am female. I am a wife. I am young. I am not perfect. I am learning. Thus, today I am sharing. These are all things that I want for me. For us. For this moment in time. This is not completely wrong, yet it is very natural I believe. Recently, I sought balance within the realms of what I wanted, what we wanted, and what Jesus wants. His will reigns over mine in triumphal means.

When you say your vows, most people do not realize that marriage comes with unannounced built in construction and expansion plans.

In 7 months one of the biggest lessons I have learned is that love causes growth. Love causes needed growth. Love causes unwanted growth that can very well turn into blessings. Love causes individual growth. Love causes marital growth. Love causes vulnerability and warranted actions for the greater well being than only self. Love causes peace to settle in the soul when the anxiety of unattainable perfection arises. Love causes maturity. Love is always evolving. Verse 9 of Isaiah 66 reminds us that the Lord will not cause pain without something new being born. Growth in marriage is always being born from adversity.

We may have started this season a little over 7 months ago in tears, but today I REJOICE for all that our marriage has harvested during this season. Sometimes I rejoice in tears. With a smile on my face and longing in my heart for distance to escape.

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Marriage was intended to help us mature. A wife can be God's instrument to help make a man out of a boy. A strong man will help polish his wife through his positive influence and loving interactions. Part of marriage's purpose is to help us refine and strengthen each other. When beginning our marriage my husband was given a front row seat to view all my flaws that do not resemble the image of Christ. And, the same view for me was created by Christ to expose Tony's rough edges. When my spouse exposes one of my flaws or weaknesses in character, I have learned (the hard way) to listen (first and foremost) and learn. Through love, my husband is uses uses my flaws as sandpaper to buff me into a more Christlike image. Because our love story is not ours, Christ has used my husband to help me blossom for Him. When I feel as though the Lord is calling my attention to the way Tony leads our home, I am held accountable for calling him out and helping him bloom for the will of God in our marriage.

Wives, our husbands stand before us like a mirror, reflecting and exposing who WE are in HIM. Husbands are positioned like none other to reveal the areas in life where we are weak. Allow Jesus to use your spouse to make you more like Jesus, even as HE works through you to cause growth in your spouse's life as well. Let him make you holy.

Husbands, love your wives, just as also Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, to make her holy. Ephesians 5:25-26

Instead of finding fault with our overlaying long distance situation, I have learned to have delight in all the ways the Lord is using my husband in our marriage. While Tony is away, he is still the head of our home, reflecting my flaws, listening to me call him out, and submitting our marriage to Christ. I am still submissive to him, respecting his call for our future, and learning to love him relentlessly, fiercely, and unconditionally through the growth spurts of life.

The devil's desire in marriage is to use our distinctiveness of flaws and weakness to pull marriages apart and begin to operate independently. However, these flaws and weaknesses are not causes in life by default. Marriage is one of God's unique ways of showing both men and women that we're not all self-sufficient in ourselves. We cannot go at each day alone without our spouse and Christ's provision. In marriage, we don't merely add to another's life; we multiple one another's effectiveness.

A husband and wife working together offer a solid defense for their home foundation and families against the influence of a godless culture. Instead of dwelling on the "what ifs, why not, and when" I have learned to reflect and grow during this season. My mouth speaks for that which fills my heart, friends. I thought this season would be full of burdens because our plans for marriage have been halted,

At times, I do feel as if we have only been married in "real world" terms for 8 months. However, we have grown and learned so much within our 16 months- regardless of distance. I feel as though should we have been living together throughout the past 7 months we may not be as mature and sacrificially loving towards Christ and each other as we have grown to be.

This season has instead been the best blessing for our marriage. This blessing of long distance has wonderfully prepared our foundation. Isaiah 46:4 says that He made us. He carried us. He sustains us. He rescued us. He rejoices with us. It is my prayer today and in the days to come to have the joy of love in our eyes in all that we do as the years go by as we did in those pictures from our wedding day.

Love causes growth. Love causes maturity.
Will you let Christ awaken love and move in your marriage? Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12