In a dream ...

I had a strange dream last night that left me questioning a few things. In it, I recall considering selling Eggie and when I returned home I discovered that Todd had already made the sale. I can't remember feeling so crushed, angry and remorseful in a dream as I did then. Isn't that wild? The worst of it was that I had thought of the deed before it was done, so I had to be responsible when it was actualized. Or, so was my reasoning.

Trying to make the most of the situation, I thought maybe this was a good thing. We'd look for a small airstream, or maybe a Dodge Travco like one I had my eye on this summer. Still, my heart ached like a family member had moved away. New and different wasn't a solution, but it was too late.

I want to be happy with what I have.

Yes, I want more of some things. I want the time and money to travel where-ever I want, to share the world with my children and to spend more time with Todd. But I mostly want to love what I have, and learn to use it to it's full potential. That means spending less on frivolous possessions and bad food. It means setting goals financially, working harder and planning ahead to set time apart for travel. It means being creative with what I already have and learning to care for and appreciate it. Newer, bigger, change for the sake of change - these are wasteful pursuits. There was a time when I didn't understand this in the least, but I do now. I have for a while. This dream just reminded me of how important it is to stay focused.

... and that maybe I'm a bit too emotionally attached to that little egg.