More Than Just Love.

Once I loved – deeply loved.
We had roller coaster feelings and made love confessions.
We said we’d stay forever and we meant it.
But then came the drama.

We really thought we’d stay forever. We created our own world and thought our love is based on our fate, not our hormons.
Drama.
Drama was our companion because we were more than lovers, we were in competition. Who has the better arguments, who knows better music, gets more attention and in the end: who loves less – and who more.
In the end, I lost because I loved him more than he loved me.
Because I loved him more than myself.

But so deep our love was, so hard was the break-up.
I flied high and falled deep.
Our own little world was ruined and every time we tried to rebuild it we destroyed it more and more.
We were just too different and yet the same.

“I was too much and not enough for a man who was everything and nothing at all.”

The time seems to me not so far away and yet it’s an eternity – 5 years have now gone by, and even today this great love, that was bigger than both of us could handle, is my Achilles tendon. Perhaps there is a scar that will never fade. Because the cut was deep and I ripped the wound again and again and again.
But despite the bittersweet pain of the memories, I still look back with a smile on my face.
Look back, do not stare.
This time was intense and even the time after the break up has influenced me and shaped my character.
Rarely I’ve felt more alive and empty at the same time.
Probably this was one of these lessons of life, as they say, because if I hadn’t been in hell I wouln’t appreciate the value of a partnership the way I do today.

Partnership.
Today I also love – but different.
There are no more roller coaster emotions ruining my life.
No drama confirming me in the intensity of my feelings but sowing first doubts at the same time.
And no competition, but a peaceful coexistence.

This second great love is different, but not less intense.
I love the security, harmony, stability, peace and the occasional storm, which is more like a gentle breeze and no hurricane. I love the routine, the daily life and the confidence.
Is that boring? Maybe.
But that’s what makes me happy, because I’m tired of the drama, of broken hearts and yes, maybe I have a fear of heights when it comes to love.

At the end is nobody is perfect in every way. But there are definitely people who are worth loving and who are good partners.
Partners in love and partners in crime.
Partners who appreciate each other and partners who are there for each other.
Partners for the good, but also for the bad times.
Equal partners.
And maybe these are the relationships that are worth fighting for.