Melanie’s search for meaning continues

Electrons circle around the nucleus of an atom. Heat causes stray particles to run rampant, colliding with those orbiting electrons encircling the nucleus. The electrons become energized and raised to a higher orbital frequency furthering themselves away from their original orbital home. In order for those electrons to stabilize and fall back into their regular orbit, they must discharge any unneeded energy they obtained during their collision with the stray heated particles. And as they discharge this unwarranted energy, they create light.

Light is comprised of all the colors of the rainbow. Depending on how much energy the electron needs to discharge for it to fall back into its orbit, correlates to the frequency (color) of the photon they create.

As of now, nothing that we know of exists that can travel faster than discharged energy escaping a hyped up electron, otherwise known as light. Nothing. Not even time itself.

Think about it.

I mean really.

Think.

The life of a photon, there is no life. Not even an existence really. Well, none that they’re aware of anyway. Because for them, time stands still.

It completely blows my mind when I think about it. I can’t grasp my thoughts for more than two seconds. I’m not high if that’s what you’re thinking.

Okay, here’s why my mind is blown. I’ll illustrate.

A star that is billions, trillions of light years away – that light emitted from the star has been traveling for billions, trillions of years just to reach us. It traveled for nearly an infinite distance, overcoming all obstacles, not being blocked or absorbed by oncoming traffic, no. For billions of years it flew fast and free while in the eyes of the photon, it has no awareness of the time it took for them to get here. Because time stands still for them, their birth and death are instantaneous. To them, they are born and absorbed into our retina’s at the same time. Their only meaning, their one and only purpose for existence was for us to see the star.

When we look up them, the stars, the light that hits our eyes is almost as old as the universe itself. Not only that, but the light that hits our eyes are alien. It’s not of this world, but of another. We are absorbing trillions of ancient alien photons (that were made from an ancient alien electron in an ancient alien atom) through our eyeballs every time we look at a star. Particles that were made trillions upon trillions of miles across our galaxy, bypassed astroids, planets, cosmic dust, survived for millennia unperturbed all for its life to end instantaneous in our dilated pupils.

All starting with one electron, in one atom. An atom who’s existence wouldn’t be known if its electrons hadn’t discharged extra energy for them to fall back into their regular orbit around a nucleus.

Discharge. I hate that word, but that’s besides the point.

I’m discharging right now. All over my blog. I have to in order for me, myself, to fall back into my regular orbit.

To me, this is what we all do. We discharge in order for us to go back into being “regular”. Or at least, feeling like ourselves anyway.

Beauty isn’t found in the irregularities. It’s found in our uniques ways to getting back to regular.

But light man, what a trip. If time stands still for light, does it really exist? Or does it only exist when we’re there to witness it?

It’s like that old koan about a tree falling in the woods and nobody is around to hear it. If you sucked out all the air in those woods, than no, nothing can hear it fall. Sound can only travel in a medium (such as air). Sound can’t exist in a vacuum. But light travels without air, which leads scientists to believe there’s a medium we’re not aware of.

Nobody has actually seen a light particle. They exist in theory. Nobody has seen a light wave. Nobody know’s what light is exactly. And how do our brains decipher these theoretical discharged photons? How does it do that? Why do our eyes decipher these photons as light? And how the hell do our brains see the frequency (color) of those photons?!

And where does light get it’s energy to travel with anyway?

Think about it.

In order for something to move forward, it has to be propelled by something. A trajectory. But light being the fastest thing imaginable, has no mass (none that we know of), no time, no matter, cannot be bottled up or contained – what’s moving it? If it’s true that light only exists when we see it, what if we’re the medium? What if we’re the one’s who move it? Not just us, but any consciousness.

In all the experiments that were created to measure light, all of them conclude that light exists in non-locality (in buddhism, this is experienced as emptiness). They also claim that an observer – someone who witnesses the experiment – localizes the wave into single particles. The energy of our consciousness effects the test results – how’s that for a medium?

If light is formed from an electrons discharge, than what is formed from the energy being discharged through our synapses? Doesn’t that energy escape too? And if so, is it possible that that conscious energy, also timeless, without weight, exists in non-local space-time, can travel just as fast, if not faster than light? Therefore bypassing the time boundary and entering not just into the past, but a perpetual continuum of timeless non-local probabilities, only coming into existence when someone recognizes it.

If this is true, then every thought we ever had and will ever have has been predestined. We are only receivers of them. Which means that because our actions stem from thought, whether it be conscious or unconscious, everything we do and will ever do, has already been done. As in, predestined for it to happen.

Ayahuasca told me that God is timeless and exists in all of us. What if God is conscious thought that’s orchestrating life in order to facilitate our spiritual evolution?

All thought is from God, and God is us. We are it.

Ayahuasca also told me that we have free will. We can choose our paths.

When I experienced emptiness (an experience almost all buddhists have felt) for those fleeting 2 seconds, I saw pure potential. I experienced my free will. But at the same time, its an illusion because all that exists and all that will ever happen, is happening right now. Our past, present, and future is happening simultaneously because our collective consciousness transverses space and time. It’s all happening right now, but we’re unable to see, understand, or experience it because we lack the spiritual dimension.

It’s like we’re a prism. We catch light rays and our consciousness refracts it into our own individual personalities (colors) in order for us to see the contrasts, experience them, and define ourselves. Through definition, we grow. But we all come from the same light. A light that is spread in a wave of non-local possibilities until our conscious mind brings it into fruition.

I started this post last night at 1AM. I didn’t even attempt sleep until I literally couldn’t keep my eyes open. And today I woke up early, trained a new employee to sit and answer phones and then I came here, to the Nissan dealership in Hartford for an oil change.

I’m sipping hot chocolate. I’m exhausted.

To wrap up a rather confusing boring ass post, there IS no meaning. None of what we do matters, only that we grow spiritually. And according to my musings a few days ago, we learn through experience and we can only experience something through emotion.

So if emotions are the key to spiritual growth and awareness, by default, they are never meaningless. No emotion is ever meaningless.

I believe that empaths can experience meaning behind all emotion, even when it’s not their own. I had a very troublesome time training my new hire because of this. I’ll save that for another post.

I got my brain back, but do I really want it back? Shit keeps me up at night. Plus explaining all of this to my family over Easter dinner makes me feel like a damn outcast.

And there’s still so much to write about….