Love Love Love: Tips For a Successful Marriage Abroad

Today is our third wedding anniversary! That's right, we've made it through three years of marriage, the majority of which has been spent living in Taiwan. Part of me feels like there's no way our wedding could have been three years ago, but then I look back on all we've been through during the past three years and it feels like forever.

So in honour of our anniversary, I'd like to talk a little about love. More specifically, love overseas, love while living abroad. Marriage on it's own can be a total shock to the system. If you haven't lived together before, it's a totally new experience and is wonderful! It can also be challenging to merge two separate lives together. Add a new country, language, and culture to the mix and it can seem downright daunting. We didn't really consider much of that before we came over though, we were young and in love and excited about a brand new adventure.

Moving abroad put us in close quarters, all the time. We lived together, worked at the same job together, attended church together, together, together, together. You get the deal. It was a huge change. Not because we hadn't spent lots of time together before, of course, but because we didn't know anyone else. Family was far away, and the time difference was huge, making quick calls complicated. We had to rely solely on each other for everything. In the day to day, this could get frustrating and in our teeny tiny apartment there was nowhere to go if we had a disagreement, but overall it became a huge blessing. We were forced to rely on each other and check in with each other. We became an amazing team. Because we were both new and confused and didn't know what was going on, we had to learn to work together and solve problems. Think of it like a realllllly long episode of amazing race. It's really a make or break sort of situation, some people end up wanting to kill each other, yes, but the ones who can work through it are so much stronger for it. I'd like to think we are more like the latter.

By now we've got things pretty much figured out. I mean the living in Taiwan part at least, marriage will probably continue to throw curve balls our way for a long time. Overall though, we've learned a ton. About what love really is, what makes a strong marriage, and how to work together as a team.

Here are some of the things we've come to learn and understand along the way, and we thought we'd share them with you.

Lauren and Cam's Tips For a Successful Marriage Abroad:


Turn the little things into an adventure. The nice thing about living in a new country is that there are tons of new ideas for dates. Every time you step outside you've got something new to do or see. Explore everything! Cam and I love to go to the book store (which here sell way more than just books) and see who can find the knickknack with the worst English, or do a sampler dinner date at the night market going from stall to stall trying new food. Even silly things like getting groceries can be kind of fun- whether you're trying to decipher what kind of rice to get or what that weird spiky pink fruit is going to taste like, it's an opportunity to experience something new together.

Jump out of your comfort zone. It's easy to get stuck in a rut going to the places you're most comfortable with. Just pick a random street and a random restaurant and try your luck. You might be surprised. Talk to people on the street, go to parties with new people, join a club, or take a class.

Do things that make you feel at home. A new country can be overwhelming. It's not a slight to your traveler spirit if you need to go to McDonald's and grab a cheeseburger, or go see a movie in English. This is your new life, it's not a vacation. There's no shame in admitting you miss things from home.

Do something personal. With all that time together, it's bound to make you feel a little nuts. Carve time out for yourself. Start or continue a hobby that is only your own, something that puts you in the zone, quiets your mind, and gives you time alone to think. Do yoga. Go for a walk. Paint, sing, run, dance. Whatever it is, make it yours.

Do something together. Pick a hobby or a pass-time that is just for the two of you, void of digital or other distractions. Cam and I take Charlie (our puppy) out for long walks at night. It gives us the chance to catch up and chat about what we're thinking and feeling. It's an important part of our marriage to have a time that is distinctly ours. Sometimes we play really lame games of two person Uno or have silly dance parties with our dog...(she's not a very good dancer...)

Check in with each other. Set aside time to talk about your experience and how you're each coping. Not everyone deals with culture shock the same way. What seems easy or understandable to one of you, may seem insanely frustrating or discouraging to the other. Do your best to help in whatever way you can, but mostly just be there as a support system.

Above all...

Practice Patience. I mean this both with your spouse and with yourself. Remember that your spouse is just as lost and confused as you are and is adjusting to it in the best way he or she knows how. Try not to let struggles with the culture spill over onto your spouse, but if they do or when they do, be patient and apologize.
Don't be hard on yourself if you don't immediately like stinky tofu, or all you want to do is call your mom and cry about how you don't understand anyone. There's no reason you need to get everything all at once. In fact, you will probably never understand everything- you didn't grow up in this new culture, and that's ok! Allow yourself time to adapt and and be kind to yourself and your spouse.

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Some of the most memorable and amazing moments of my life have been on this adventure abroad. Some of the most challenging moments have been here too. It has certainly been an experience of a lifetime and I couldn't think of a better person to share this journey with. I am so blessed to have such an understanding and supportive, caring and patient, loving and kind travel companion, best friend, and husband to love for the rest of my life. What more could a girl ask for?

What have you learned on your travels abroad?
How has expat life strengthened your marriage or relationship?