Fall.
Is is just me, or is the fall foliage especially gorgeous this year? Have the oranges and yellows ever been this vibrant? Have the leaf piles ever gotten this high?
As I scroll through pictures on my phone from September, October, and into November, I see so much color, joy, and life. It's ironic because I haven't felt as jubilant as my pictures record. Many days, I have felt dark and dismal--desperately just trying to "make it" through each day.
Is that how the leaves feel? Diminishing day by day, they fall to the ground. Stomped on. Pushed aside, up, down, sideways, here, and there. Yet they are still so bright and beautiful. Maybe they are not falling; maybe they're flying? Maybe this supposed heavy heart and downtrodden spirit of mine is not even that at all. Maybe...just maybe...I've been mistakenly labeling my feelings as despair when actually it's something greater: change? growth? work? I am working the hardest I've ever worked in my life. I am exhausted beyond belief, surviving on forty minute intervals of sleep and a non-stop need to nurture. And although sometimes I feel like I just might wither away, I still feel strong. My three fuel me every day to strive to be better. Our days may be grueling, but they are filled with happy moments...
...and now I'm weeping.
I typed out that "filled with happy moments" line and then went to add some pictures of said happy moments. There were hundreds and hundreds. I am overwhelmed with gratitude right now. These are just snippets of the little things, but wow. Life is good. It is take to your knees exasperatingly difficult, but it's simultaneously wonderful. Now I must seize this moment of optimism and jot down a few stories that go along with these pictures and any other happy little thoughts I might have.
-Park days! No rain? Clear skies? I'm getting the kiddos out the door as fast as I can because it is just so good for them (and me!) to get outside. I want to remember the way Adam runs on his tiptoes with his arms flailing in the air and the way Asher joyously bobs back and forth when I push him in the swing. I love how Adam calls East Holladay park "Igloo Park" and Bella Vista "Squirrel Park." I love how all Asher needs is a little fresh air to be a content little baby.
-Asher's face. Everyone is always commenting about his sweet smile and adorable expressions. I just don't even know how to describe the cuteness. Sometimes I can capture it in pictures, but you just have to be there to really soak it in.
-Playdates with little friends. Being able to walk over to Rachel's house on a whim. Meeting Heather and Allie at EPCC. Library storytime. Little get-togethers here and there.
-Nathan. My rock, my love, my countdown every day. He is "Super Dad" in every way.
-Adam's sense of humor. He hangs off the couch and tells us "I pe-tending to be bat hanging upside down in cave!" He'll put a red cap on a blue marker and start giggling, "What you doing riding blue, red?" He also thinks it's hilarious to purposely say the wrong or opposite thing, like: "Mommy's name Muffin (Nathan). Daddy's name Dairy (Kari)." And I could just go on and on...
There are so many other things I'd like to write, but I simply do not have the time! I hope to get back into blogging--it's been so great to sit down and record all these happy thoughts. It's like Peter Pan: "Think of a happy little thought...any happy little thought?...You can fly! You can fly! You can fly..." Annnnnnnd I'm off!
I typed out that "filled with happy moments" line and then went to add some pictures of said happy moments. There were hundreds and hundreds. I am overwhelmed with gratitude right now. These are just snippets of the little things, but wow. Life is good. It is take to your knees exasperatingly difficult, but it's simultaneously wonderful. Now I must seize this moment of optimism and jot down a few stories that go along with these pictures and any other happy little thoughts I might have.
-Park days! No rain? Clear skies? I'm getting the kiddos out the door as fast as I can because it is just so good for them (and me!) to get outside. I want to remember the way Adam runs on his tiptoes with his arms flailing in the air and the way Asher joyously bobs back and forth when I push him in the swing. I love how Adam calls East Holladay park "Igloo Park" and Bella Vista "Squirrel Park." I love how all Asher needs is a little fresh air to be a content little baby.
-Asher's face. Everyone is always commenting about his sweet smile and adorable expressions. I just don't even know how to describe the cuteness. Sometimes I can capture it in pictures, but you just have to be there to really soak it in.
-Playdates with little friends. Being able to walk over to Rachel's house on a whim. Meeting Heather and Allie at EPCC. Library storytime. Little get-togethers here and there.
-Nathan. My rock, my love, my countdown every day. He is "Super Dad" in every way.
-Adam's sense of humor. He hangs off the couch and tells us "I pe-tending to be bat hanging upside down in cave!" He'll put a red cap on a blue marker and start giggling, "What you doing riding blue, red?" He also thinks it's hilarious to purposely say the wrong or opposite thing, like: "Mommy's name Muffin (Nathan). Daddy's name Dairy (Kari)." And I could just go on and on...
There are so many other things I'd like to write, but I simply do not have the time! I hope to get back into blogging--it's been so great to sit down and record all these happy thoughts. It's like Peter Pan: "Think of a happy little thought...any happy little thought?...You can fly! You can fly! You can fly..." Annnnnnnd I'm off!
More posts from
