My Story of Abuse 10 Years
are you in a abusive relationship?
Not many know the story behind the girl who gives a hug to every stranger she meets, a smile to her friends, a laughter out of no where. While life seems beautiful on the outside, it may not be for some people. I would like to share my story of how I lost myself and how I am finally happy being who I am now.
My story
I don't blame him for what happened, maybe it was out of frustration, maybe it was a lot harbouring of feelings resulted in him, unknowingly abused me emotionally throughout our relationship. We were both young, too young and inexperienced. It started harmless enough, then gradually it became more severe. I didn't even know what was going on, I didn't know I was being emotionally and verbally abused everyday. My self esteem, confidence, dropped to an all time low. I was depressed, helpless and afraid of my life, my partner and the future. My partner was constantly chipping away my feelings of self-worth and independence, while at the same time putting me down for being a worthless, useless woman, name calling me everyday, blaming and shaming me. It became worst when he emotionally isolated and distance himself away from me, neglecting me most of the time and with no reason at all would be nice to me the next. The most hurtful was of him spreading rumours, intimidated and humiliated me in front of his friends. I bite my lip and took it all in because I believe I was the one wrong. If this was a movie, I would name it "Sleeping with the Enemy".
You're not alone
There was one time when I voiced out my concerns, he got hot tempered and pushed me so hard I fell onto the bed shocked and afraid. For 10 years, I suffered silently, not knowing this was abuse. I didn't do anything, I kept this away from my family and friends. My close friends could see what's going on, and they constantly advised me to break up with him. But because he was my first love and we have been together for so many years and finally getting married, I ignored all the warning signs and let myself rot away. I put on a lot of weight, I started channeling my stress towards something else, I also kept myself busy so I forget the girl that is crying for help inside.
You (*&^%$#$
When I found out he had an affair overseas with a China woman and came back to further degrade me, making me believe I didn't want to marry him or that I didn't do enough for this relationship (most of the reasons was me, me, me), I finally woke up and realise he is not the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I learnt a great deal from this experience, and while I loved him once, I do not anymore. Did I regret? Yes I regretted leaving Australia to come back to be with him. I regretted my youth spent with him. I regretted giving myself to him because he insisted and persisted. While I regretted a lot of things, I did not regret what happened because I live to share my story and survived a 13 years relationship. I am free now, happier and stronger.
Seek help
I may come to share my story in depth but for now I'll keep it short and sweet because it's International Women's Day today and I want every women to know, you have rights and if you're abused in anyway, be it physically, emotionally or facing domestic violence please seek help from Women's Aid Organisation Malaysia (WAO). No one should go through this alone, and if you haven't realise it yet that you are being abuse, read the following from Love Is Respect.
Is Emotional Abuse Really Abuse?
A relationship can be unhealthy or abusive even without physical violence. Verbal abuse may not cause physical damage, but it does cause emotional pain and scarring. It can also lead to physical violence if the relationship continues on the unhealthy path its on. Learn more about how to recognize emotional abuse by checking out our Power and Control Wheel.
Sometimes verbal abuse is so bad that you actually start believing what your partner says. You begin to think you’re stupid, ugly or fat. You agree that nobody else would ever want to be in a relationship with you. Constantly being criticized and told you aren’t good enough causes you to lose confidence and lowers your self esteem. As a result, you may start to blame yourself for your partner’s abusive behavior.
Remember -- emotional abuse is never your fault. In fact, your partner may just be trying to control or manipulate you into staying in the relationship. Talk to someone you trust, like a parent, friend or teacher, about the situation and make a safety plan. You can also chat with a peer advocate for more help when dealing with verbal abuse.
If you think you're in an abusive relationship read the following:
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Domestic Violence & Abuse
Seek help from http://www.wao.org.my.
Not many know the story behind the girl who gives a hug to every stranger she meets, a smile to her friends, a laughter out of no where. While life seems beautiful on the outside, it may not be for some people. I would like to share my story of how I lost myself and how I am finally happy being who I am now.
My story
I don't blame him for what happened, maybe it was out of frustration, maybe it was a lot harbouring of feelings resulted in him, unknowingly abused me emotionally throughout our relationship. We were both young, too young and inexperienced. It started harmless enough, then gradually it became more severe. I didn't even know what was going on, I didn't know I was being emotionally and verbally abused everyday. My self esteem, confidence, dropped to an all time low. I was depressed, helpless and afraid of my life, my partner and the future. My partner was constantly chipping away my feelings of self-worth and independence, while at the same time putting me down for being a worthless, useless woman, name calling me everyday, blaming and shaming me. It became worst when he emotionally isolated and distance himself away from me, neglecting me most of the time and with no reason at all would be nice to me the next. The most hurtful was of him spreading rumours, intimidated and humiliated me in front of his friends. I bite my lip and took it all in because I believe I was the one wrong. If this was a movie, I would name it "Sleeping with the Enemy".
You're not alone
There was one time when I voiced out my concerns, he got hot tempered and pushed me so hard I fell onto the bed shocked and afraid. For 10 years, I suffered silently, not knowing this was abuse. I didn't do anything, I kept this away from my family and friends. My close friends could see what's going on, and they constantly advised me to break up with him. But because he was my first love and we have been together for so many years and finally getting married, I ignored all the warning signs and let myself rot away. I put on a lot of weight, I started channeling my stress towards something else, I also kept myself busy so I forget the girl that is crying for help inside.
You (*&^%$#$
When I found out he had an affair overseas with a China woman and came back to further degrade me, making me believe I didn't want to marry him or that I didn't do enough for this relationship (most of the reasons was me, me, me), I finally woke up and realise he is not the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I learnt a great deal from this experience, and while I loved him once, I do not anymore. Did I regret? Yes I regretted leaving Australia to come back to be with him. I regretted my youth spent with him. I regretted giving myself to him because he insisted and persisted. While I regretted a lot of things, I did not regret what happened because I live to share my story and survived a 13 years relationship. I am free now, happier and stronger.
Seek help
I may come to share my story in depth but for now I'll keep it short and sweet because it's International Women's Day today and I want every women to know, you have rights and if you're abused in anyway, be it physically, emotionally or facing domestic violence please seek help from Women's Aid Organisation Malaysia (WAO). No one should go through this alone, and if you haven't realise it yet that you are being abuse, read the following from Love Is Respect.
What is Emotional/Verbal Abuse?There are many behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse:
Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking.
- Calling you names and putting you down.
- Yelling and screaming at you.
- Intentionally embarrassing you in public.
- Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends and family.
- Telling you what to do and wear.
- Emotional isolation, neglect, humiliation
- Using online communities or cell phones to control, intimidate or humiliate you.
- Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior.
- Stalking you.
- Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them.
- Threatening to harm you, your pet or people you care about.
- Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.
- Threatening to expose your secrets such as your sexual orientation or immigration status.
- Starting rumors about you.
- Threatening to have your children taken away.
Is Emotional Abuse Really Abuse?
A relationship can be unhealthy or abusive even without physical violence. Verbal abuse may not cause physical damage, but it does cause emotional pain and scarring. It can also lead to physical violence if the relationship continues on the unhealthy path its on. Learn more about how to recognize emotional abuse by checking out our Power and Control Wheel.
Sometimes verbal abuse is so bad that you actually start believing what your partner says. You begin to think you’re stupid, ugly or fat. You agree that nobody else would ever want to be in a relationship with you. Constantly being criticized and told you aren’t good enough causes you to lose confidence and lowers your self esteem. As a result, you may start to blame yourself for your partner’s abusive behavior.
Remember -- emotional abuse is never your fault. In fact, your partner may just be trying to control or manipulate you into staying in the relationship. Talk to someone you trust, like a parent, friend or teacher, about the situation and make a safety plan. You can also chat with a peer advocate for more help when dealing with verbal abuse.
If you think you're in an abusive relationship read the following:
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Domestic Violence & Abuse
Seek help from http://www.wao.org.my.
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