Rachel Knows... She's Gonna Bitch Some More!

I know all of my blog readers and friends on Facebook are probably up to their ears with hearing me bitch and moan about my pregnancy, but here is a little more. I have never felt as low about myself as I have these past couple of months. I just feel awful pretty much all day long. There are maybe a couple of hours a day where I feel like maybe I can tolerate a trip to the grocery store or a walk around Target. When I come home from that though I always feel 10 times worse and end up puking like crazy, so even that isn't worth it. I'm on these horrible steroids that have made my face and neck swell up like crazy and I hate even looking at myself in the mirror. My self-esteem hit an all-time low about a week ago when I was feeling down and thought to myself, "I think a cute, little haircut will make me feel better!" That was the worst idea ever. I went to Great Clips. Definitely a place that is pretty much at the bottom of places I'd like to choose, but Mr. Cheapskate didn't want to go anywhere else. I should have just left my hair alone instead of going there. Long story short, I got the worst hair cut I've ever gotten. It has layers and is short as hell and I HATE IT! I would have told her to stop after she got it all even and a little bit above my collar bone, which looked nice, but I thought she was done because it is basically what I asked for. I never mentioned layers. I also need to add that I was nauseous from the moment I sat down. I think my subconscious knew that this was going to be a mistake. I also couldn't quit staring at my horribly swollen face and neck sticking up out of the apron they put on you when you get your haircut and I just wanted to sob. After the first layer was cut I knew I had to let her finish because I couldn't go out in public with just one layer. I guess that may have been better than how it ended up, but how was I to know.
I have the Gestational Diabetes test on Monday at my appointment. I'm a nervous wreck about that because A. I hate eating or drinking new things. It makes my panic and anxiety go through the roof. So that will be a horrible panic attack experience. and B. I read that this crap makes women feel terrible and throw up who are perfectly healthy. This stuff is going to make me blow chunks faster than you can say, 'blow chunks." I don't want to feel horrible and then puke in a waiting room with other people around. I threw up in public once in the 3rd grade and it scarred me for life. I can only imagine being an adult and doing it. Plus, I don't want to have Gestational Diabetes. Who wants that? My Dr. said that the steroids increase the chance of Gestational Diabetes, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised if I do have it. I'm just 100% over being pregnant. I just want my precious little baby girl to be here and for this to be over.
I'm trying to think if there is anything else for me to bitch about. Oh yeah, I had to go to the E.R. again. I thought I was having contractions, but they were Braxton Hicks. I was pretty sure that's what they were, but after talking back and forth with my doctor all day and him telling me that since they weren't getting any better to go to the E.R., I went. I'm glad I did go, because I ended up being dehydrated again and had to get I.V. fluids for the third time during this pregnancy. Lucy's heart rate was accelerated because of my dehydration. I can only imagine how bad my dehydration would have been had I not been drinking 2-3 mug fulls of my 34 oz. Bubba mug. I was astonished when they told me I was dehydrated again. I also had a low grade fever, which shocked me as well. I think all of this is just taking a huge toll on my body. I just hope Lucy is okay and that all of this and the medicine isn't harming her. None of the medicine is supposed to pass through the placenta to her. I just hope that is truly the case. It would be much more dangerous though for me to be throwing up everything and not getting any nutrients or staying chronically dehydrated than for some of this medicine to pass through. At least that is what I'm telling myself... I suppose I'm done bitching. Woe is me. Ha-ha!