Being Vulnerable is Hard

So today I had a post in mind about how much fun we had registering for our wedding last night but I just received some jarring news and I need some time to process it. I know that’s really vague and I really hate being vague but I just wanted to be honest with you, all my friends who keep tabs on me here.

In person, and here on the blog, I’m not accustomed to sharing sad feelings in real time. I’m a pretty expressive person and most people would say they can read my emotions like an open book, and I would agree. But when it comes to deeply emotional feelings, especially of sadness, I have a really hard time being vulnerable and letting people in.

Even though I hate being alone 99% of the time, that 1% of time I actually like to be alone is when I’m processing feelings of sadness. So when something is emotionally overwhelming to me, I tend not to share, even with those close to me. It’s just easier to avoid answering questions or keeping people in the loop because it pressures me to experience my own feelings again, which can be really overwhelming. In typing that out, I know that sounds really lonely and it can be. I envy people who are brave enough to really open themselves up in times of need and accept the support from others. I’m not sure why I struggle with being vulnerable and there are times where I feel like it limits my ability to connect with people. But eventually, when the time is right and I am ready to open up about it, I do truly appreciate the family and friends who share their love and support. For someone who is resistant to opening up, it means the world, it really does.

I’m not entirely sure what the point of revealing all of that was but I guess I thought I’d open up about why I don’t open up (ha!). While I’m not ready to share what’s happening, I would still greatly appreciate the kind prayers and positive vibes you could send my way (not in comment form, but more in the form of thoughts and spiritual reflection).

I really am eager to share with you all the progress I’m FINALLY making in wedding planning but for now, I’ll have to hold off and let myself experience feelings bigger than that right now. For those of you who will want to reach out after reading this post (I can already picture a handful of my friends who are getting a text ready to send), I just want you to know I might not respond with more than a simple “Thank You” for now. Feel free to share your own experiences with opening up in times of sadness, and let me know if there’s anything that helps you in similar times.