REVIEWING: BURBERRY PRORSUM FALL 2012 + IS ANYONE UP?

I hope you all had an awesome Valentine's day, bbys! I'm sad to say, I let the self-love flow in the form of mass quantities of chocolate-covered gummy bears, though I'm not sure if it was really an indulgence since I've eaten them every day since and most days prior for the past three months. I guess I can't really say I'm too sure if I'm sad to admit it either, because they're PHENOMENAL and a definite bonus to candy shop employment. I do, however, have a belated, anonymous Valentine! At least, that's what I'm going to consider he/she/it going forward. If any of you haven't heard, I recently got a fun little feature (warning: SO nsfw) on the popular troll website "Is Anyone Up?". I'd like to clarify before all else that the "nudes" included in the post are definitely not me. You guys know that I would NEVER send dirty pictures, mostly because I don't sext, mostly because I don't have much of a sex life and I've got WAY too much on my plate to fit cyber-flirtation into my day. If I ever do release naked photographs of myself, they will a) include my face and BANGIN BEACH BOD and b) be posted here exclusively and included as part of a possibly-angry self-affirmation essay inspired by misogyny in the music industry (btw, NOT feeling Rihanna's recent Birthday Cake collab with Chris Brown because fuck Chris Brown). Unfortunately for your prying bby eyes, this is not a post about angry self-affirmation, this is a post about BURBERRY!!!

Now, I've got a soft spot in my heart for herringbone print ANYTHING (and by a soft spot, I mean puddles of zealous drool) and though I can't bring to mind quite enough cases of "clashing" herringbone print on a single garment to really formulate an educated opinion of my feelings towards the technique, I can definitely confirm that I'm not a fan of it in the Burberry line. Nothing about these puffy pockets really sits right with me. I'm all for the pushed line, the over-stepped line, the squiggly line or whatever fashion is going to call it, but for all functional purposes, I just can't imagine what the average luxe fashionista is really going to put in skirt pockets that rival dual fanny-packs. The pockets were one of the boldest statements in the collection, appearing throughout the line on a number of coats, dresses, and skirts, though I'll admit that they did seem considerably more at-home when they popped up on this jacket.

I also wasn't really loving the cinched ribbon belts. Anything that calls to mind an oversized early-Gossip-Girl Blair Waldorf headband has potential, but putting that potential on a waistline failed to impress. However, the bow-less variety of these belts offered something infinitely more interesting: gold animal heads. Now, shiny medallion-like statements can go one of two ways for me. Either Tory Burch will slap her initial on EVERYTHING and create an army of ballet flats and bad bags that leave me recalling my once-forgotten gag reflex (don't slut-shame me) or this (pictured above) will happen. It could be my inner Tumblr-obsessed teen girl bursting out, but these shiny animal heads made me almost completely forget that New York had a fashion week (but I wasn't there OVERKILL promoting BCBGMAXAZRIA either, so maybe that's just a "me thing"). Equestrian is one of my favorite style themes, and these feel like an early 1900's fox hunt WAITING to happen but, you know, a chic fox hunt. Basset hounds with houndstooth collars or something.

But the animal heads didn't stop at belting, instead continuing into umbrellas (that are by the way FANTASTIC and I need) and wallets (below) of both quilted and non-quilted varieties. My only qualm against the goose head wallet stems from the beak's flat position again the wallet feeling slightly awkward, though this may just be due to the fox head being as prominent as it is. That, and I'd much rather be the guy with the edgy fox wallet than the guy with the duck money. That, and geese are much more appropriate for umbrellas due to them flying in the sky and the sky being where rain comes from, which hopefully makes perfect sense to someone other than myself.

(I want to add a quick interjection and let you all know that at this point in my coffee shop reviewing experience, I've been glance-flirting with some Euro-cutie for about 45 minutes now and I'm silently praying for him to come sit next to me so I can switch to the .rtf Bret Easton Ellis novel I have waiting in Adobe Reader and let him figure out that I'm both well-read and crazy)

The diagonal ruffle skirts definitely needed a day to grow on me. Upon my initial viewing of the show, I felt that the zipper detail edging the ruffle felt like a played stab at modernizing the country feel. My opinion wound up favoring the somewhat haphazard tailoring and embracing it as, what I'd like to believe, an initial accident that took off into an attempted trend. Most importantly, I like to think that it helps to bridge the gap between the classic themes of the line and the more bolder attempts at modernization (re: the studded biker gloves).

Unfortunately, I feel the need to end my review on a tone similar to the show: confused. Though the final dress, a quilted velvet piece in plum that relied heavily on the belt that cinched it together, has been heralded as the show's "grand finale", I couldn't help feeling that it seemed almost unfinished. Though it was indeed flawlessly draped, it seemed as though Cara Delevinge had worn a large, quilted snuggie down the runway. The construction of the coat/dress/snuggie's hem just felt SO uncomfortably blanket-esque. Perhaps I've just spend too much time wrapped in blankets myself and I've developed a very individualized bias, but for a show that seemed to boast London country glamour, one would think that the final look would be more "off to the races" than "off to bed".

Leave me a comment and tell me what you would wear to a chic fox hunt xoxo

(Also, euro-cutie left without glancing me goodbye. WHAT EVER)