You are Ugly!

As a child born in the ’80s and experiencing elementary school in the ’90s, I’ve heard more than my fair share of the word ugly directed at me from classmates, but I remember even back then thinking to myself, “why do they think I am ugly?” I went to a parochial school consisting of 99.99% of African American children where we all wore a uniform, so although we all dressed a like and we were all relatively neat for the most part, why was I singled out as ugly? It was bad enough that I had to deal with the criticism of having a “weird” name that even the teachers would butcher at times and that I was from a country in Africa so they thought that I swung on trees like Tarzan or had a pet gorilla like Caesar from Planet of the Apes, but to be called ugly on top of that…I always wondered why?

Granted, growing up back then in my school there was a inner-racial divide between light skin and dark skin girls. The light skin girls were considered pretty (and if they had silky hair that was an extra feather in their cap), the brown skin girls were considered average, but the dark skin girls were considered ugly for the most part. I specify girls because we were the ones that had to measure up to the melanin barometer. The boys, even at a young age were held to a different standard. The boys just had to be moderately attractive but have a great personality or a little charisma (class clowns or bad boys) and they would get the attention of the “pretty” girls.

When you are a young girl in your formative years, being called ugly (for whatever reason) can have a devastating affect on your self esteem. You start to compare yourself to the “pretty” girls and wonder why God didn’t create you to be “pretty” too. You start to wonder what you can change about yourself so that you can be considered “pretty” too. When you are in elementary school, there really isn’t much you can do physically to change, so you change what you can and that is your attitude. I remember being a pleasant and happy child, but there is only so much ugly a young girl can take before hardening her heart. I became tough and cold with mega attitude. If you were going to call me ugly, I was going to show you ugly, but with my attitude; from swearing like a sailor to hitting below the belt with insults to make sure that at the end of it, you felt worse than I did…so that brings me to the question, What is ugly?

So many people refer to the word ugly when they are describing a person’s physical appearance, but I think that is a disservice to the word itself and the evidence of an insecure mind. Why does someone have to be physically ugly in order for another person to feel better about themselves. I can honestly say that I have never seen a person that is physically ugly, granted a person may not be physically attractive to me and I may not be physically attractive to some, but that doesn’t make me or that person ugly. We are not all attracted to the same things physically (thank God!), but just because you may not be attracted to someone, what gives you the right to assault another person’s physical appearance by calling them ugly? That word is so full of vitriol and venom that it should never be used to describe a person physically!

The reality is that no one created themselves. I’ve realized that when you call another person ugly, you are not just insulting that person, you are insulting that person’s creator. If you are a spiritual person like myself, then you understand that you are insulting God and His handiwork! If we all created ourselves then maybe we would have changed little things that we consider imperfections, but because God created us, He created us the way that we are for a reason and in His eyes we were created perfect and beautiful.

So, what is beautiful? I believe that we also do a disservice to the word when we limit the use of the word beautiful to a person’s physical appearance. A person can be physically attractive, but does that make the person beautiful? I don’t think so. Think about it… have you ever seen a person that you thought was “beautiful”, but had such a terrible attitude that you no longer recognized the person’s “beauty”? I have. On the other side of the coin, have you ever spent time with someone that you may not have originally thought of as physically attractive, but the person had such a beautiful spirit that the more time you spend with the person the more attractive the person becomes? I have, so that goes to show me that the words ugly and beautiful when referring to a person should really be used to describe a person’s character, personality, and/or spirit/aura.

If a person has an ugly personality, that is something that the person can change if they wanted to through the right steps because it is something that they had a hand in creating, but if you deduce a person’s physical description to this four letter word (ugly), you are attempting to anihilate their spirit over something that they had nothing to do with.

If after reading this you still feel like it is still okay to call someone ugly because of their physical appearance, remember no one created themselves so I suggest that you submit a formal complaint about that person’s so called “ugliness” to their creator, GOD… and really ask yourself who is really the ugly one; that person or you?!

Keep in mind that society’s standard of physical attractiveness if you are blessed with long life can fade over time, but true beauty (a beautiful heart, character, soul, spirit) is forever.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139 13-14

xoxo,

SBD4L

P.S.

If I could speak to elementary school Dolapo, I would tell her that firstly, no one can make you feel bad about yourself without your consent! 2) To God, you are perfect! 3) Your husband is going to be gorgeous inside and out and truly thinks that you are too so who cares what these dumb kids have to say lol! 4) Life is bigger and will be a lot better than where you are now 5) Hold on to the Lord and enjoy the ride

What would you say to your younger self?