Things I said this month on live tv or radio that made me think “Wow, I should not be allowed to do live media”: “I mean, I don’t want to finger the guy who sold me all those ...
Updated: The Chicago stop sold out so they’re adding another one. I’ll have details soon. Leg three of my book tour starts in a few weeks and I have nothing witty to say here. But in spit...
me: I just got an email about buying fake followers on twitter. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Why would anyone want that? Victor: You’re asking me to explain why twitter doesn̵...
I’m still on tour and Sunday I’m in Annapolis. Come see me? Please? To commemorate the last day of the second leg of the tour I’m celebrating by sharing the first post I ever wrote ...
Today I’m at the Gaithersburg Book Festival and you need to come see me. Please? But until I get back, a rerun from many years ago after I found a miracle lawn boobie. It’s all pretty sel...
This isn’t a real post. It’s just pictures from the road as I continue leg 2 of the tour (Maryland tomorrow and the next day). Someone bad-ass made me a superhero cape…Beyonce on on...
Once again, I’m on tour so and today I’m in North Carolina. Please come see me? Pretty please? And while I’m gone I am completely phoning it in by reliving some of my favorite old p...
Once again, I’m on tour so and today I’m in Atlanta. Please come see me? Pretty please? And while I’m gone I am completely phoning it in by reliving some of my favorite old posts. I...
me: When I die I want you to put me in a Wonder Woman outfit and toss me out of a moving plane. That way when I hit the ground people will assume that Wonder Woman’s invisible plane crashed. An...
Victor: Why didn’t Ash come to our house when she was in town? me: Your guess is as good as mine. Victor: Because she hates you? me: Why are your guesses always so insulting? Victor: You said m...
This isn’t a real post. It’s a thank you. Thank you because for the third week in a row Let’s Pretend This Never Happened is on the NYT list. Thank you because today is the premiere...
Remember last month when I added Ermione Granger to my collection of ethically taxidermied creatures who look great in clothes? And then I said the next step would be to find Ron Weasel-y and then Vi...
This morning I woke up and quickly wrote down this idea because it’s going to make a million dollars. It’s a leotard…with a TARDIS on it. A LeoTardis. Because it markets both to peo...
I’m still in full tour mode (next stop Florida!) so to make it up to you for being MIA I’m giving out a signed copy of the UK version of my book and a signed copy of the audiobook (which ...
I’ve been on a bit of a whirlwind book tour and I haven’t had much time to let you know what’s been going on, so I’m going to do a quick update pulled directly from my journal...
I’ve had a lot more emails than usual about depression/anxiety, which I think means a full moon is coming or possibly that we’re all on the same psychotic cycle because I’ve fought ...
Below is an actual email conversation between me and PETA. (FYI: This happened over a year ago and I was going to put it in my book as an addendum to my pets-eaten-by-hobos chapter but it was too lon...
I’m still on tour and I’m in San Angelo today so come see me (at 1pm) if you can! (Tour details are right here.) My parents will be there so you can actually see that they’re real a...
I’ve gotten a lot of weird gifts over my tour but so far this was a favorite. Someone gave me a nipple. A homemade nipple. AND IT’S AWESOME. That is, until I got glitter on it and then it...
I’m still on tour and I’m in Dallas today so come see me if you can! (Tour details are right here.) If not, you can just read the continuing chronicles of my best-of series. This post was...
So then this happened and I never stopped screaming again. I don’t even have the words, y’all.
I’m still on tour and I’m in Austin today so come see me if you can! Tour details are right here. If not, you can just read the continuing chronicles of my best-of series. This post was f...
I’m still on tour and I’m in Houston today so come see me if you can! (Tour details are right here.) If not, you can just read the continuing chronicles of my best of series. This post wa...
I’m still on tour and I’m in San Antonio today so come see me if you can! Tour details are right here. If not, you can just read the continuing chronicles of my best-of series. This pos...
I get to stay home for the day to rest up before the next leg of my book tour (which is all in Texas) so I got to wash clothes and unpack a special new friend. Victor: What the fuck is that? me: I ...
In yet another day of oddities aimed to convince me I’m stuck in a coma dream, I spent last night in LA doing a reading moderated by Soleil Moon Frye, who is responsible for my fear of refriger...
I’m still on tour and I’m in San Francisco today so come see me if you can! (Tour details are right here.) If not, you can just read the continuing chronicles of my best-of series. Thi...
I’m still on tour and I’m in LA today so come see me at the Writers Guild if you can! (Tour details are right here.) If not, you can just read the continuing chronicles of my best-of se...
This isn’t a real post. It’s just me saying thank you. Thank you for supporting this 10-year long journey. Thank you for letting me borrow xanax when I forget mine. Thank you for comin...
My book comes out today! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BUY IT. For the next week and a half I’ll be on book tour so please, for the love of God, come see me so I’m not alone. Click here for det...
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