If I could just get off my ass and walk the 5 blocks from work to the nearest Aldo I could buy these rad $12 peacock earrings that would match perfectly with my cheap peacock ring which I love to wea...
Dear Old Navy, Target and Forever 21,No doubt you will say it is my fault. The Endless Summer t-shirt I thought was cute but didnt try on because Ozzy was crumbling, the striped sweater cropped beyon...
She holds her brother now tight beneath his arms, hands clasped across his chest with the rest of his body falling away as if she were saving him from drowning, and he laughs and she laughs, so I lau...
I can think things into happening. Or not. More often not. I do not want it to rain this weekend, so I think it will rain, I worry it will rain, I obsess over rain and it does not rain. Of course it ...
I have been having a Cathy cartoon kind of day. Make that week. Weak. I mean, one minute Im floating on the magic of fairies, feeling like the awesomest mom outside of a pearl choker, the next minute...
A few months ago I talked Zoey off the ledge of an Addams Family-themed birthday party. I just couldnt wrap my head around a bunch of 6 year olds moshing to the music of The Cramps, so I steered her ...
Dear Zoey,The next day you were 6. Which is how it happens, I know. Not surprising or terribly complicated, but unbelievable all the same. You are 6. April 24, 2012. 1234567891011121314151617, you co...
I get an A+. Like, I totally aced this part of the Motherhood Test (and you just know were all being graded, right?). Gold star, smiley face, good job! Because I think I taught Zoey how to read. Slas...
Apologies for the lack of posts but I have had pink eye. And I know what youre thinking, that pink eye does not necessarily preclude one from writing or the internet. If anything, the www is positive...
I was totally dorking out on Don Draper today, thinking about how this season is supposed to be 1966, how he just turned 40. Which means that if Don Draper were still alive today he would be 86, that...
Monday, April 9th, 2012. Zoey is officially way cooler than I am.Please no one tell her this until she is 19 years old. Although lets be honest: look at that picture. She totally already knows it.And...
Zoey has discovered my old photo albums. Alternative first sentence of this post: I have slowly been watching my friends turn 40. Which came first, the memory or the fear? Chicken or egg, I turn 40 i...
And as much as Id like to be the kind of person who says Boo-Yah Motherfuckers without an apology or disclaimer, Im not. So let me just say that I love the feel of saying that. Come on now: say it. U...
Zoey really wants to read in The Gold Chair. Or maybe it should be all uppercase like this: THE GOLD CHAIR. Because apparently THE GOLD CHAIR is THE SHIT in kindergarten, except of course that is pot...
Is it horrible that I like to put something shiny on one side of the room and Ozzy on the other, only so I can watch him pull himself across the floor like a very determined paraplegic?Yes, noted. It...
I was the kind of kid that parents liked. Please, thank you. I was not smarmy or sassy or sulky or sad. I never pinched my friends little brothers or said ew, I wont eat that. I followed the rules, d...
Im totally having a rainbow moment. Or a mid-life crisis. Whatever, I love rainbows...me, the part of the gay community that embraces bumper stickers, and Mariah Carey circa 1999. In my head I just k...
Dont smile. Remember that game? Or maybe its cousin Whatever you do, dont laugh? Said with a very small mouth, and then you smile or you laugh and you lose, only how can you lose when youre smiling? ...
Apropos of Wednesday, i.e. nothing, here is a list of things that I hope I dont pass on to Zoey and Ozzy:1. The little breathy thing I do in place of a laugh. I wish I had a great laugh, a loud laugh...
It was the kind of weekend to which all other weekends aspire.Unseasonably hot, chock full of friends and wine, strangely enough a limo, toenails painted tangerine, and children who smell of sunscree...
Or 99th percentile, whatevs. But yeah. Yesterday Ozzy had his 9 month check up and he is now officially a big boy at 25 lbs, 7 oz, which in mommy circles translates to bigger than 99% of babies his a...
Today was like Kentucky Fried Chicken. Or glitter nail polish. You know, it seems like a good idea before you actually do it, cause damn those biscuits are good. The way that glitter nail polish look...
There are things you don’t write about on blogs. Like about how much I love cereal, for instance. I mean god, I fucking love cereal, but that would be boring, writing about cereal. No, you don’t writ...
I was going to post this on Valentines Day, but then Bryan made turkey tacos and we watched a bad movie, and, well. Happy belated. This is Zoeys favorite book right now. Mine, too. Its from my office...
Roses are red, violets are blue, I cant believe how much I fucking love you.Yesterday we hung out on the sailboat while Bryan worked on it, something involving ropes and water. Or water and cleats? W...
I come home and tell my family I can smell it, spring, pink cherry blossoms and light, in the distance of three months the hot smell of plum trees and nights that start well after bedtime. It’s becau...
Some weeks can only be summed up by the rubbery hot dog muse that is the mouth of Taylor Armstrong. Because Monday was so totally this:Followed quickly by the bitch-just-you-try-and-flatten -me-down t...
I could write a bunch of pretty words here to distract you from the fact that really I just want to post a few pics of my kids like oh! Shiny thing! Insert pithy observation here, something vaguely s...
I have had Nervous Tummy for a week now, the kind that makes me pause and think is it this? That? No, it must be the Other. Everything ok with the kids, Bryan, Nacho’s fur growing back nicely. I can’...
Were totally that couple in the restaurant that doesnt talk. You know, the ones who sit across from each other and look down at their plates silently as they eat. And when I say we, I mean you and me...
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