M: So, E, you know how much I love a good voucher deal. E: Do you? This is news to me. Are you a coupon snipper? M: No, E. You are totally out of date. This is not like that at ALL. During my year in...
M: SPRING. It is spring. The leaves are growing. E: So I hear. The bunnies are frolicking. The daffodils are .. being yellow. M: The squirrels are screwing. E: The teenagers are smoking hash. M: The ...
E: What are we up to today, oh bossy one? M: Well, E, we are playing Facegoop to the Rescue. E: I LOVE that game! Please can I be Lassie this time? I’m sick of being Flipper. M: No, E. We are g...
E: M, I desperately need your help. See, I have sneaked off and bought the nail varnish of my dreams which is the pretty, berry, Chanel April. I have waited. Lusted. Saved. And now I have it. M: Good...
E: Goop morning, M. We’ve been a bit lame recently again, haven’t we? M: Goop morning E. Yes, we have, but a lot has happened since last we spoke. Things like: me moving back to the UK. A...
E: Do you want to get clean, M? Do you wish to get back the baby soft feeling of when you were hoovered with diamonds? M: Hmmm, maybe. But it’s the recession, you know, diamonds are dear. E: Th...
E: I am so tired, M, so tired. It’s mainly been boozeandfagsandnosleep in the E household. M: That’s going to do wonders for your complexion. And by “wonders”, I mean “b...
M: I need to tell you about my armpits. Again. E: Lucky me. I suppose it’s better than your bowels. Is this punishment for the perfume talk? It is, isn’t it. M: My pits. They are problema...
M: Sunscreen. It’s crap, innit. E: Are you having a laugh? How the fuck would I know. I went to Le Touquet for my summer holidays M: Le Touquet. That sounds tropical. Like a toucan. E: When in ...
E: So, M, when we were on hiatus over the summer, I had the great good fortune to be invited to a launch of, like, a really good beauty shop here in the Belgiana. I didn’t really tell them I wo...
E: Now that we’re back, M, I think we should start as we mean to go on: by complaining. Because I really need to complain about this Paul & Joe kitten shaped lipstick business. M: Look at t...
M: What year is this? E: I dunno, M. The year two thousand and SHAME, maybe. There has been a catastrophic fracture in the goop/time continuum. What are we doing here? What are we talking about? Hang...
M: I bought a new lipstick today. It’s called Papaya Wind or something. E: Sounds corally. A coral wind, blowing across the eastern hemisphere. I need to start taking my tablets again don’...
M: Let us start then, E, by saying that I hate your guts. E: Oh come now, M. You know I am basically, Single White Female but without the ginger bob. So when you told me recently about how much you w...
E: So, M. You know I am always on the look out for any kind of bathing product that comes close to the majesty of Elemis Supersoak? M: Ahahahhahah fat chance. E: That ideally also trims 2 inches off ...
M: E? E: Oh jesus THERE you are! Where the hell have you been? M: I’m in Singapore. E: Hmph. I am not happy about this. Come back this instant, it’s not funny. M: No. But! it’s an e...
E: M, the elves have been busy again M: Yes! They have sent us another package. E: Instead of mending shoes over night, they have been sending us packages of stuff E: The man in the post office stare...
M: E, We have another problem for the Ask Facegoop Agony Clinic. Reader T.Twisted (which is an awesome name), has asked us a question. Hello Facegoop, I prostrate myself at the feet of your glorious ...
E: So, M. I have sensitive eyes. Very very very sensitive eyes. I don’t know why I’m telling you this M: Because you like to whine? E: Oh yeah, that’s it. M: I have sensitive eyes t...
M: VEET! E: Why are you shouting at me to go faster? M: Keep up, E. “Veet” is international sign language for “your upper lip is hairy, bitch”. E: Aha. Is there a hand gesture...
E: You seem very pleased with yourself, M. What gives? Stolen a pony? M: Well, you know how I’ve just finished my course of face hoovering. E: Of course. Are you in withdrawal? Eyeing up the ho...
Ask Facegoop is back. Send us your questions and we will mock them. Nah, we’ll answer them if we can. Maybe. This week, Tracey asks: I have rather stupidly signed up to climb Mount Kilimanjaro ...
E: So, M, back in the summer when we was in teh lahndan, you gave me a gift. One that was not made of lamb. M: It wasn’t so much a gift, as a reject. E: Ssssh. It was a GIFT. M: OK, gift. Yes. ...
M: Here, fishy fishy fishy. E: What are you doing? M: Man, they’re slippery aren’t they. Tell me about your trout tickling experience, E. E: Ah, that. Well, M. M: So, you were hanging out...
M: So, E, let me tell you about this thing. The no7 autumn limited edition smoky eye liner, which is a very long and fancy name for a tiny amount of product, innit. E: Yes. I saw the title first and ...
Back at the start of the summer we promised you our Cellulite Diaries. Yeah. Well. I am sorry to have to report this, but: we suck. We completely and utterly suck. Our diets are full of salted carame...
M: I’ve been visited by fairies again, E. E: Jesus, you’ve been drinking meths, haven’t you? I’ve told you about that. M: I think the seche vite is going to my brain. E: If yo...
M: E, what the hell has happened? Where have we been? E: We are drawing a veil over the summer. A veil of CRAPNESS. M: There has been much huddling in dark corners, wailing. E: We aren’t talkin...
E: M. Do you have a House of Fraser in Edinburgh? I bet you do, full of tartan and shortbread and stuff. M: Yeah, I never go in there. It’s depressing. It’s like 5 levels of Oasis and a d...
This is the first in a new feature: Ask Facegoop. Send us your questions and we will mock them. Nah, we’ll answer them if we can. Maybe. First up, Expectant Mum says: “I need help. I am t...
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