Still alive (sort of). Still sexy (sort of). Still trying to make sense of the bad decisions I’ve made as a result of being untethered (no, really).
This is what I woke up to this morning: A few things to note: I will ‘fuck and suck any dick’ (can’t take credit for that snappy rhyming, unfortunately) BUT CALL ME ANYWAY. My ex (O...
I originally wrote this on September 3rd of 2010. It is largely an unfinished thought that I am thankfully unable to return to. It’s not about my ex, it’s not about me, it’s about y...
I’ve been told a lot of things about Vagina Drum and myself, especially now that I haven’t been around as much. A few examples: 1. Change your name, people will judge you. 2. Never talk t...
When I was younger, maybe from about age seven to age thirteen, I would wish for two main things. A wallet that dispensed endless cash and some sort of something – potion, incantation, electric...
This morning, I was looking through photos of happier times. But not really because my Photobooth is like a grainy series of ‘Shut-in who wears the same clothes every day and one time, took the...
I dyed my hair. I’ve never dyed my hair. I’ve also never had a breakup as painful as the one I’ve been going through for the past month or more. Or lived alone. Or been this ...
On Wednesday, I was on my way to getting a sandwich (avocado, chicken, bacon, BBQ sauce and provolone on sourdough if you want to make me one or something). That shouldn’t surprise you because ...
One time, I read a quote popularly attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt that said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” I was around 14 at the time and thought it would ensure lots of dat...
There are two things you need to know about me before I tell this story – two things that, in one way or another, dictate everything I do. 1. I can turn anything into a joke. 2. I am just as sc...
These beauties were acquired from my local Asian market – where most patrons look at me like, “Oh fat Casper is here to get candy again.” And I want to look disapprovingly into thei...
I have a BA in Art History. Stop laughing. Back in 2005 when I declared my major, jobs were being given out like AOL free trial disks so I thought, “Someone will totally pay me to correct peopl...
A few months ago, I bought black jeans. They were the first I’d owned as an adult and as such, I didn’t plan on pairing them with a tucked in Daffy Duck t-shirt. Straight leg, 7 For All M...
In February of last year, I stopped eating fast food (In-N-Out doesn’t count). A few months after that, I stopped going to franchises altogether. It has nothing to do with being a vegetarian, f...
Since finding my dream doctor about one year ago, I’ve probably had around eleven visits. Most of them carry the theme of “What kinds of drugs can I get for eating brownie batter and slee...
I have 790 unread items on my Google Reader. That number only diminishes when I read my own posts and, if I can manage to stop laughing from the sadness, when I see something new from Merlin Mann. De...
If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like for a grown woman to stage a wedding for her cats and stuffed animals, offer them a round of alcohol (Pepsi) and then encourage them to “make ba...
Up until a month ago, this was the closest thing to a cat that I had: Pillow cat But now, I have a real cat that purrs and everything. And when I feed him, it actually goes in his mouth instead of ju...
Dating is tough. There’s no way to get it right all the time and there’s always a risk that the date actually turns out to be an intervention about your animal hoarding. Sometimes. Thankf...
On the 17th of December, I was on my couch feeling alone and hopeless. Mostly because I was alone and hopeless. Tears were sliding down my face so slowly it was as if they had been convinced that the...
I like sandwiches. I would do almost anything for a sandwich. I know this, because I pretty much did a few days ago. I regularly make the mistake of assuming that other people are like me. This is mo...
Well, it happened. The number of people afflicted with chronic depression has finally intertwined with an overall lack of funds, resulting in the production of one truly heinous product. The idea her...
I’m in rehab. Ha ha, just kidding. I’ll never admit to my real problems because they’re too beautiful and kettle cooked. But what I will admit to is the fact that I have a huge issu...
If you’ve ever wanted to know what an illustrated version of myself looks like while furiously typing with my nipples and wearing mittens, then you’re probably really fucking weird. But y...
Look at my toilet. Look at it. This is where I pee. Aside from being a lesson in how the internet can be a terrible, terrible place, this is also my way of encouraging everyone to buy a bidet. Those ...
Nothing makes me more nauseous than the thought of planning, paying for and starring in my own wedding. I bet it’s really similar to the feeling Richard Branson gets when he thinks about poor p...
I’m back from Asia. I’ve been back for a week, actually. When I got home, I had this bidet of motivation gush into me and I was like I’m going to tell everyone all about my trip and...
Being in Hong Kong and Japan has made me feel like I should have my own TLC special like, “Fat and Confused: Is That Pizza Still Good?” or “When Donuts Are Friends.” Being a s...
You are no longer following . Undo?
Like 1 person likes this 
English
Suomi
Svenska