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Sleep Talkin' Man
sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com
165
My mild-mannered husband Adam lives quite a colorful existence in his dreams. Having benefited from hours of delight at his dead-of-night musings, I thought it only fair to share them with the world.
#8322 in All

May 28 2012

"Mothers Day. Fathers Day. Disgruntled-I-Dont-Give-A-Fuck -Just-Give-Me-A-Day-Off-Work-f or-FUCKS-SAKE Day! Breakfast in bed, please."  or click here"Yeah its me! So, give me a smile y...

1 day ago

May 25 2012

"Hey! Eat my organic fist, you fucking hippie."  or click here"Fucking kites. They make me wanna puke with their fluttery tails and their sudden crashing-down-to-earth ways. No kites...

4 days ago

May 23 2012

"Shhhhh! Why cant you midgets talk more fucking quietly?! I hate small talk."  or click hereUgh. Now that is the sort of pun Id usually hear from my dad."Im an advocate for hermit cr...

6 days ago

May 21 2012

"Look at your boyfriend. Now look at the potato. Now look back at your boyfriend. Whos sad now, bitch!"  or click here"Sexy, sexy llama llama llama llama llama. Sexy llama llama llam...

21 may 12

May 18 2012

"Im a big dose of lovin. Take twice daily."  or click here"Pay attention when you clean the toilet! Malteasers arent the only floaters."  or click here

18 may 12

May 16 2012

"No, Im not a god. Im a king. No one knows who God is. But a king, a king gets to wear a mother-fucking crown! And a big-ass cape. Yeah."  or click hereAnd here is how Adam woke himself ...

16 may 12

May 14 2012

"I swear, if I ever have to listen to you, Ill claw my ears off, and fill the bloody gaping holes with decaying afterbirth."  or click hereA lovely birthday wish to me. Thanks, STM!

14 may 12

May 11 2012

"Speaking of birth control, youre looking especially repellent today."  or click here"Do they know its Friday in space? Do aliens look forward to the weekend? Hmmm, things to think a...

11 may 12

May 9 2012

"God judges you. Well, I judge God. This week: not bad! Still messing up in the Middle East, though. Sort it out."  or click here"Mascara for midgets. Power to the little people!"...

09 may 12

May 7 2012

"Damn that frigid monkey cheese!"  or click here"Fucking unicorns. Oh, Ive got a horn! So fucking obnoxious. Youre just a horse with a party hat, dickhead."  or click hereAn...

07 may 12 1 person likes this

May 2 2012

"Im not smiling at you. No, this is my Im-taking-a-satisfying-shit smile."  or click here Sorry about the late postings this week, folks. Im in the States to see my brothers latest amazi...

02 may 12

Apr 30 2012

"If youre looking sympathy… go get a fucking dictionary, youll find it between shithead and syphilis. Fuck off."  or click here"Over at the blueberry convention, the red currants are...

30 apr 12 1 person likes this

Apr 27 2012

"Oh, baby. The only time Im ever gonna love you for your brains is if I was caught in some kind of apocalyptic nuclear explosion and was turned into one of the FUCKING LIVING DEAD!"  or ...

27 apr 12

Apr 25 2012

"Ohhhh! If only I had my triceratops, I wouldnt have any problem with the goose. Damn you, goose!"  or click hereNext we had one of those bizarre repeat performance. First listen to this...

25 apr 12

Apr 23 2012

"Its NOT a fat ass. I suffer from Hippo-bottom-mass. You should feel sorry for me."  or click here"Fuck t-shirts. Panty hose! Yeah, panty hose all the way."  or click here

23 apr 12

Apr 20 2012

"Its science. Its meant to confuse stupid people."  or click herePerhaps weve been watching too much Big Bang Theory?Ive mentioned in the past that, not only does Adam talk in his sleep,...

20 apr 12

Apr 18 2012

"Theyre nunchucks, Grandma. You know— Ooh! Youre a natural! Like a wrinkly ninja. Oh, Grandma. Nunchuck skills... blatant racism skills... occasionally smelling of wee skills... cant forget...

18 apr 12

Apr 18 2012

"Theyre nunchucks, Grandma. You know— Ooh! Youre a natural! Like a wrinkly ninja. Oh, Grandma. Nunchuck skills... blatant racism skills... occasionally smelling of wee skills... cant forget...

18 apr 12

Apr 16 2012

"You cant drop them. You cant set them on fire. You cant feed them to crocodiles. You cant let them play with fireworks. I mean... Kids: What the fuck?!"  or click hereYup, Adam said thi...

16 apr 12

Apr 13 2012

"Wake up and smell the coffee... Cant smell it, can you? Thats because you havent made it yet, so get up and make me coffee, bitch!"  or click here"I was wearing my mums bikini. Kill...

13 apr 12

Apr 11 2012

"Okay, Jesus, if you are the son of God, wave your hands in the air... Ha ha. Didnt think so."  or click hereWhat a lovely Easter sentiment.Now, a few nights ago, I was lying there insom...

11 apr 12

Apr 4 2012

"Fucksticks! Thats it, Im not playing anymore. Just give me back my tiara and my sash and the purple monkey. Im outta here."  or click hereAnother bout of alien gibberish...  or cli...

04 apr 12

Apr 2 2012

"Youre gonna have to shave your pubes. Its like fighting an army of permed spider legs down there, and Im gonna lose. Im gonna lose."  or click here"I swear, do that once more, and I...

02 apr 12

Mar 30 2012

"Okay: On three, Im gonna change into a dinosaur. One… Two… MEOW. Oh fucking cat! Always cats."  or click here__________Karens notes: For those of you who noticed that I didnt blog yeste...

30 mar 12

Mar 28 2012

(sing-song) "My leg bone is connected to my foot bone, my foot bone is connected to your face bone, your face bones connected to the pavement stone. Now heed my words: Fuck off!"  or cli...

28 mar 12

Mar 27 2012

"Fuck! YOURE all assholes, and YOURE all elbows. Stop getting confused! Whats so fucking difficult? Idiots, the lot of you!"  or click hereEarlier, while Adam and I were chatting in bed ...

27 mar 12

Mar 26 2012

"Well, that aint chocolate cream cheese. I dont know what it— Oh, I hate your cat. Oh, I fucking hate your cat. Ugh."  or click hereYes, here in the UK, weve started getting the co...

26 mar 12

Mar 23 2012

"Here I am: Captain Yeast Infection! Making you uncomfortable no matter what you wear."  or click hereAnd the reveal:  or click here(note to Americans: Marmite is a repulsive dark b...

23 mar 12

Mar 22 2012

"I swear, if you dont stop clucking, Im gonna kidnap the monkey again, got it? No more clucking."  or click here

22 mar 12

Mar 21 2012

"Where is all the neurons are gone? Bdoing!"  or click hereYup, it was just one of those nights. There are so many things grammatically amiss in that short sentence, I think it might be ...

21 mar 12

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