A friend of mine (who will remain nameless, under threat of her fist to my face) is having a hard time finding a guy. She’s not even looking for something serious. She just wants someone to cha...
“Tell me who’s invited: you, your friends and my dick.” – Kanye West On here I can say (mostly) whatever I want but in social events I’m oddly shy (unless I’ve bee...
I’m sorry but who were those assholes who said money can’t buy you happiness? It wasn’t The Beatles; they said money can’t buy you love, and I agree with that. But money can d...
Look! Everything’s all new and shiny! Like when you buy clothes at the mall, and you take them home, and they’re so crisp and clean you don’t even want to put them on their hanger y...
Previously on Sitting Awkwardly On The Couch I hung out with Cute Guy With Hair In His Face. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. We went out to dinner and it fell flat. Unfortunately right when I r...
Previously on Sitting Awkwardly On The Couch I went to a party and tried to hit on Edward Scissorhands guy. He wasn't interested and left me on the couch when I noticed The Cute Guy With Hair In His ...
Once upon a time I went to a party. A boy that I liked from acting class was going to be there. He kind of looked like Edward Scissorhands, which is one of my types. I didn't know anyone else at the ...
"If you write about us on your blog, be kind. Don't be honest; be kind."Someone said this to me at brunch today. He had an English accent so you can only imagine how awesome this sounded. Conan O'Bri...
Hi Everyone,I'm back. With photos!This shit is indoors.My Life With Nicolas Cage: A Love Story.Enjoy the swingin' tunes of Ann-Margret. She's one of my all time favorites. Thirteen Men -- Ann-Margret...
Photo from www.relivelastnight.com.Yester day marks one year that I have had this blog. I want to thank you guys for reading this thing. I want to thank you for telling your friends about it. I want t...
Dad,STOP READING MY BLOG.Love,MeTrick Pony -- Charlotte Gainsbourg
Dear Future Almie,We did it!! We are so successful! I'm not sure what it is we're successful at, but we are! And we have our own house, and it's like that one Scarlett Johansson sold, with the glass ...
Do you really want to know something about a man? Ask him who his favorite muppet is. I'm serious. For months now I have been asking every guy I know who their favorite muppet is. The best part is th...
"Dear Luke Perry,How's it hanging, bro?"No wait, that's dumb, let me start over."Dear Luke Perry, I've been thinking about you"No that's fucking creepy."Dear Luke Perry,How are you? I know we don't k...
Apocalypstick Answers! from Almie Rose on Vimeo.I asked you guys to send in questions via formspring for me to answer in a video. Thank you for participating! I got so many questions and I wished I c...
Good evening, paper gangstas. I hope your weekend was EXPLOSIVE. I got a question on formspring asking me why I don't do more videos and if maybe I could answer some questions in a video. I totally c...
Hi gang! I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to update. I've been busy. Those Tivo'd Oprah episodes aren't going to watch themselves.Last night I went out with some friends and a guy asked me what m...
photo by Laura at http://gumdroplane.blogspot.co m/I've been thinking a lot lately about what kind of book I want to write. A few people have told me that I'm like the new Carrie Bradshaw. I think tha...
NER NER NER NER. NER NER NER NER. *CLAP CLAP*That, of course, is the phonetic spelling of the classic theme song for Beverly Hills 90210. Picture it: a sleepy little town where the prom girl was foun...
Sometimes I just feel like crying. I don't know why. There isn't any reason. I just feel like it's something to do. Usually I can cry on demand but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I don't know if i...
WHAT I LOVE ABOUT LOSTMatthew Fox's clean shaven face.When it reminds me of "Twin Peaks."No Brandon Walsh.Desmond.The first season.The way Miles looks and acts like Billy Crystal.Jack's constant cryi...
Good news, everyone! I've been asked to write a book! A lit agency found this humble little blog and asked me if I was interested in a book deal. I said yes. I have no idea why they want a book from ...
I really think I just hate everybody.If you're going to invite people to your housewarming and your housewarming is outside in 50 degree weather, you literally fail at having a housewarming, for your...
Dear West Hollywood,You are out of your FUCKING MIND if you think I am going to pay for this parking ticket. You need a pass to park, I know, and guess what? I HAD the pass. It somehow FELL off of my...
Driving home from Starbucks I saw a beautiful, smiling, thin blonde girl riding a bike. She was wearing jeans and a long sleeved top but with a slip of thin back peeking through. She looked like a Li...
Remember that last post where I waxed poetically of the rain and the warm feelings it gave me? Yeah, I'm over it. I'm starting to go a little crazy. I only had work one day this week and one casting ...
It is pouring rain in Los Angeles. It's raining so hard I got off of work early. Oh, LA! Rainy days make me nostalgic for New York. Something about rain always makes me think of when I lived in NYC, ...
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston/Looking so down in the dumps.Every guy here like'd to be ya, Gaston/even when taking your lumps.There's no man in town as admired as youYou're everyone's favori...
I got this letter from a reader a few days ago and it made me smile:"I saw [500 Days of Summer] Monday and then stumbled upon your ThisRecording brain dump on the subject today (yeah, I know, the mov...
Rename all of the contacts in your phone with celebrity names. Then leave your phone lying out for someone to find. Chuckle when you say, "Kiki Dunst just loves texting."Write inside jokes on your fr...
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