Flatiron Lounge Friday night, Im seconds away from leaving with a Johnny Depp wannabe when Chloe stops me. "Look at his shoes" she whispers, "do you really want that on your conscience?&#...
Whenever I think of calling him I imagine myself telling him everything Ive been suppressing and him listening carefully, silently, without breathing. And in the end, when weve said our goodbyes and ...
Twelve hours ago now: I come home from a walk, Chloe is away working late on a case for a clothing company. The apartment is dark and silent apart from the little lights twinkling in the ceiling, tra...
He never told me about that train ride across Russia, my father. I didnt even know about it until I found mothers diary hidden away in the closet, and by then it was too late to ask. As a child, I al...
Chloe has taken a job writing copy for an ad agency downtown. "I only write for money" she says when I ask her if shes going to start a blog, her slender fingers gracefully wrapped around a f...
This is not a fashion blog. I dont do todays outfit posts, I dont review foundations and lipsticks and I will never comment on the latest H&M collection. I may occasionally write a line or two ab...
I wake up on Sunday to the sound of ambulances on 5th, the sirens pierce through my ears like a laser. Its close to 2 PM, my head about to burst open, Chloe still sleeps in the arms of the semi celeb...
"Its late enough" Chloe says and pours more than a few drops of Jim Beam Black in her Starbucks cappuccino. Shes about to ask me if I want some too when she remembers and excuses herself*. I ...
Every time I pass by Rockefeller Center I think of Chloe. Shes the only daughter of a very wealthy industrialist of the old sort, the kind that built this city in the 30s but are now long gone. He wa...
We dont talk about Carl, whenever I mention his name she quickly changes the subject or pretends not to hear me from across the room. Im anxious to know more but her silence and insecure body languag...
Spending time with real people again is like waking up from a dream. Ever since S left a month ago Ive been alone with my imagination and the smell of pastel colored spring flowers on the bedroom win...
The sound of my phone ringing wakes me up ruthlessly and way too early, its Chloe on the other end of the line, her voice an arrow through the airwaves. "Im at Newark" she says, "are you ...
Another week and Im living my life somewhere in between worlds, just like mother. Yesterdays dinner and the old friends we met reminded me of how shes not always been this way. Her past was so much s...
This blog has always been mainly therapeutic, but lately its also made me feel slightly paranoid. There are so many reading it now, I get loads of curious emails from people who want to find out more...
This solitude is rapidly getting more intrusive. I sleep too much and wake up vividly remembering all my dreams, theyre with me up until the moment I get up and they dissolve like chimney smoke. Ever...
Todays outfit: la tristesse. So few of my earliest memories include my father, but its not because he was never around. I know he was, but somehow hes been filtered out of so many of the snapshots fr...
Easter, my first in New York. Mother takes me to the Met to see Manon, the tragic story of two lovers who defy the world but end up destroying each other. Id like to think shes trying to tell me some...
The phone rings in my purse late Tuesday night and its Chloe. "Have you been missing me" she asks, Im on my way home somewhere on 5th and the air seems lighter somehow, the streets less crowd...
April begins with a sad gray sky, when I wake up around 9 mother has already gone out and left the door to the balcony open. I step out into the morning air wearing just the hip long loose fitting T-...
Mother, still stubbornly acting as if nothing is new, insists I should get a job. "You cant live off my money forever" she says, but the way she says it (not really condescending but without ...
Ever since Wednesdays eery snapshots of the past Ive been living my life under multiple layers of mulberry silk. It works as armor when the skin becomes too fragile for whatever reason. I get into mo...
After a week of absence, mother calls me from JFK at 7 PM Wednesday. "Put on something Chanel" she says, "were going out". Im tired but my curiosity slowly gets the best of me, I star...
In the end it always becomes too much to handle, the childish hope that if you just keep ignoring something and pretend like it never happened, it will eventually go away. It doesnt.Im on the bed wit...
No word from S yet, I guess shes fine. The ones from Carl are still incarcerated in their envelope, a sort of quarantine for the unwanted I guess, a carefully suppressed memory when Chloe calls me fr...
New York woke me up to another Monday, one without S. I helped her pack before we left, she held my hand in the taxi and wrote our names in the transparent condensation from her breaths against the w...
Three more days, the letter still lies unopened in its bright blue envelope on the kitchen counter. "If you dont open it I will", mother yells through a cloud of cigarette smoke. She has this...
Madison Avenue in the sunshine, Im walking alone in a Burberry trench and sunglasses, feeling like a fortune. Lunch in solitude at Bloomingdales after browsing through sheer spring dresses and purple...
I had that dream again, the one with the smoldering charcoal and a sky full of ravens. I think its about Carl. Standing there alone in the smoke feels exactly like imagining him and Chloe in bed toge...
S on a mirror on the floor, wearing a white Corneliani mens shirt and a Mikimoto pearl necklace. Thats fashion.
It should have been a calm weekend with S out on her date and mother back in Los Angeles for the Oscars (dont ask), but then there are those little things that remind of why Im here. If New York is t...
You are no longer following . Undo?
English
Suomi
Svenska