"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he imm...
Little pigeon in the sky,Dropping (things) from way up high,Angry farmer wipes his eye,Very glad that cows dont fly!
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy ...
For many years, the border between Poland and Russia was volatile. Due to a political shift, a farmer found that he was no longer a Russian, but had become ...
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waite...
What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
In the beginning the Universe was created... This made a lot of people angry and was widely regarded as a bad move.DouglasAdams, The Restaurant at the End of the ...
Doctors In Translation Doctor: "This should be taken care of right away." Translation: Id planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so ea...
During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placed a winning bid told the auctioneer, "Im paying a fortune for that parrot. I hope he talks as well as y...
A mans wife came home and said, "Honey, the car wont start, but I know what the problem is." He asked her what it was, and she told him there was wat...
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." Maryon Pearson
There was a young girl from Cape Cod, Who thought babies came only from God. Twasnt the Almighty Who lifted her nightie. Twas Roger the Lodger...
There once was a lady named Lynn Who was so uncommonly thin, That when she assayed To drink lemonade, She slipped through the straw and fell i...
An old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewellery t...
Job Applicant: "Im looking for a job as a consultant." Employer : "Im sorry, we already have enough consultants." Applica nt: &...
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd Who was frightened and screamed very loud Then a happy thought hit her To scare off the critter She sat up ...
1. Word: DORMITORYAnagram: DIRTY ROOM 2. Word: ASTRONOMERAnagram: MOON STARER3. Word: DESPERATIONAnagram: A ROPE ENDS IT4. Word: SLOT MACHINESAnagram: CASH LOST I...
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I dont believe you,"...
The bartender asks the man, "Whatll you have?". The man answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "Th...
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it ...
Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien Civilization... Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of hydrogen to the star system at the top of the list, cross of...
The trouble with being punctual is that nobodys there to appreciate it. Franklin P. Jones
The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin...
Arthur is 90 years old. Hes played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "Thats it", he tells his wif...
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." ...
A blonde couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby b...
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all t...
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