[thanks Rachel W.]Hiya poon-tangers!Christ almighty, its been busy around here. This past Sunday, after three years of work...CJ graduated from her masters program.[Thanks Christian C.]Shes had...
[thanks Emmy S.]Hows it hanging, love-tunnelers?Well. Its been touch-and-go for years, but its official: I finally love Chicago.I really, really do.When I first moved here, I hated it. &n...
[thanks Candice! via ohtinyrnbw]Whats up, gash-snackers?Hehehe.Remember when I was bitching about it being winter forever? Remember when it felt like winter would never end???[thanks deena]Well!...
[thanks jraak]Whats shakin, slit-lickers?Guess what?A few weeks ago, I invented something.No big surprise. I mean I was the seventh-place winner at Meadowbrook Elementarys Invention Convention, ...
[thanks Bee]Hey there, trench-drenchers!Yes I said it.Today it managed to stay light outside until 5 p.m. [by Rian Merrill]Holy, holy shit. As I headed toward the bathroom at work, I saw t...
[thanks Vanessa F.]Hiya minge-munchers!! Its a new year! We made it! [Brian J. Clark of The Virginian-Pilot]The last year of life on Earth, according to the Mayans and shitty Hollyw...
[thanks Naimah M.]Ciao, dew-lappers!!Hmph.Just look at you.Sitting there, snug in your chair, one hand on a delicious beverage and the other scrolling down this mess.[thanks Celeste] A min...
[Mariedda by Sarah R. Thanks!]Gday, bush rangers!Well, what an exciting morning this has been.So: Once upon a time, there was an elegant little Italian bakery on my street that sold almon...
[Thanks Autumn]Hey there, magic fingerers!What were you for Halloween?[Thanks! Maisha and her hand-sewn octobeard]I hope it was something awesome.I hope you got compliments all night.I hope it was so...
[thanks! drawingpicturesforyou]Hola, velvet tunnelers!If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?[thanks Dylan]I know, I know. Questions like that are a cheap way of getting...
[thanks Hallie Lee]Whats up, box-handlers?Ahhh its finally Fall. [thanks Ri]Ive been waiting for this. Sweaters. Scarves. Tall boots.Girls in tweedy blazers. Gusting wi...
[thanks Sydney Burgess]Whats up, fig-spreaders?Who wants to hear a delightful childhood story?Mmkay here we go:One time, when I was about eight years old, I was doing my routine weekly inspection of ...
[thanks Mars] Hey there, cave-dwellers!Have you ever had strep throat before? I ask you this because I was just eating delicious gluten-free shortbread cookies after work this afternoon.In the ...
[Milla by Caroline]Hiya clambakers!Well, Kelly is married. The Straightest Girl in the World has been married off.Ladies and gents, there will never be another one like her. As I stood for...
[byspanktheplanks]Hey there, seafood lovers!Whats new?I just got back, late last night, from an extremely random trip to Fort Lauderdale. I had less than 24 hours notice before I got on the plan...
[via TOMBOYFEMME]Hiya fish-mongers!How was your Pride?Mine was, um, epic.Live/drunk blogging was ridiculous. Nothing happened with God-Des, obvs. [God-des and She]The girls I wa...
Why is God-Des from God-Des and She in this car.Im lookin at her. Pride rules
Internet dying dion this shit from my phone! Holy jesus you know what? Fucking shannon blowtorch didnt play a single Britney orGaga sing all night.DJs of the world, it can be done.Girls girls everywr...
Fuck picturs.Lets not talk about this thrid drink.Never a good choice.There is a burlesque show going on. Ray Gun, a male performer from Chicago, is doing a dance thats making my no-no parts fe...
Ohhkay CJ just brought me another drink.Nooooooo worries.What is live-blogging?Its when you post as things happen, without editing.Hooraaaaay no editing!!Its no problem, as you are talking to the 3rd...
Happy Pride, sluts!Guess what? Ive had a rum and coke.And in my world, that means Im drunk.You finally start drinking at age 27, worlds open up.Im learning all sorts of things. How to mudd...
[via hellogirls.tumblr.com]Heya gaymos!I come to you as one broken.Today is a day of grief; a day of remembrance. Today I got rid of my beautiful silver glitter dildo. [via concerthall]The one&...
[via ivoryand.]Whats new, mud-flappers?Would you do me a favor?Would you tell me what you had for breakfast?In rich, syrupy detail?[via joythebaker.com]Because I am doing...A cleanse.Thaaa...
Hiya, mons-fondlers!You know when you get a new magazine and you go through it, methodically ripping out all the little postcards? 80% Savings Off Newsstand Price! Give A Gift Subscription...
[by Sam]Ohhhhh shit. I hope youre sitting down.I hope youre sitting down and youre having a nice afternoon and work isnt pissing you off and you have an iced latte and at least two Excedrin Mig...
Whats up, spelunkers?Do you know whats embarrassing? When a Google search pops up suggestions for you automatically. Because I have a bad memory, I have my work and home computer settings ...
[via hellogirls]Hiya quim-tiddlers!It fucking snowed this morning.It fucking snowed and Timothy Maxwell Thumperton bit me when I picked him up.And I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and couldnt get bac...
[via womenreading]¡Hola lesbia nas!Thanks for waiting for my slow ass.[via urbanpunx]My mom is gone. I rode the train with her to the airport at 3:45 in the morning to catch her 6:30 a.m. f...
[via fauxchenaux]Hey gays!My sainted mother has been in town allll this week, staying with me in my tinyass apartment. [via unknownsilhouette]Ive been occupied doing extremely un-homosexual-lik...
[via dirtywhite]Hiya, fressers!OMG its finally Spring.I havent been this happy since last September. The maple outside our window has buds on it. BUDS, you guys.Life is good. Im sitti...
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