someone found my blog using that search term, and though it likely brought them to the wrong place, it sounds like something i would search for. i am forever looking at and learning about medical stu...
when i was pregnant with b and t i started reading elizabeth edwards book resilience. now i could go on and on about her stories and her beautiful writing, but at the time it became overwhelming. one...
been doing a lot of thinking about getting back here, finally starting to not feel so raw i guess. i need to write and i am going to try to get here more often. it will be slow and probably painful (...
piss off, 2011. and do it quickly. i wont recant the year because id probably need to be checked into some sort of facility afterwards. i will say that 2011 was a defining year in my life, and u...
so my state of mind has been mostly pleasant, peppered with the unavoidable lightening bolts of pain and some pouty moments thrown in for good measure. mostly, though? ive been busy. blissfully busy....
just put the blogger app on my phone in the hopes that will help me to update more. T has been home for just a month tomorrow and its been great. we have been working on the house. we finished the ba...
my husband is sleeping quietly next to me on fresh flannel sheets. he has been telling me how awesome i smell all evening-first time around a girl in a while :) i smiled when i saw him but cried when...
im sitting on the bed, after a shower. its a beautiful day and the breeze smells perfect. it smells like berries, which is odd for nj. its enchanting. im present in my skin for just a moment and i re...
as always, ive been super reflective lately. no, not in the glow-in-the-dark way, though im sure the contrast (read: radiation) from the 3 cat scans ive had in the past 3 weeks is going to aid me in ...
well im home from another week in the hospital.last thursday i woke up with another 104* temp and as instructed, went back to dr davis hospital. i shivered, i cried when people touched me, my eyes, t...
so i found out on friday that i have a hematoma in my ovary. if you have been following along you know i had a giant simple cyst grow before surgery. dr. davis said that it was at least 12cm (about 6...
i mean, never say never is a pretty popular quote, right? the flip side of that is never say always.dont do either. dont assume you know what this life will bring because none of us can tell wha...
it has been a shitstorm of a summer.first came the babies, too early. so loved.then my mom was in the hospital, needed dental surgery, lost her hearing for a while due to getting tossed in the roughe...
*written under the influence of narcotics...please excuse lack of wit and omission of important details, but i know a few girls out there are waiting for info on this surgery...so, my TAC is in...
the pain has let up a bit and i actually left my house! like almost every day since friday! the familiar twinges of a cyst followed the endo pain, and i figured my dear dr. d was right. *phew* dodged...
gosh im lazy.so very lazy.i am also humbled. so very humbled.thank you. thank each and every one of you who took the time to write an email or leave a comment. you have no idea how much it has m...
please email me at builtinbirthcontrolATgmailDOTc om to be "invited" im sorry it has come to this. i am sorry that i may not be able to invite all of you, for fear of letting a wolf in sheeps ...
ive been reading over my old, old entries from when i was still deeply grieving for my girls and found this post. i am amazed that i was still holding out hope for a miracle pregnancy then. hope is a...
later on this month i will be having surgery to have a transabdominal cerclage placed.will we get pregnant again? im not sure. but i know we have perfect sperm and eggs and i can get pregnant a...
when you tell me you hate, i know only my idea of hating. when i tell you i ache you know only your understanding of aching. when we speak of love, we know only our perceptions of loving and bei...
last time this happened (i hate that i can say that), my mantra was god help mei would catch myself becoming overwhelmed and without thinking i would end up whispering it to myself. it helped.for a l...
today marks 6 weeks since B & T were born.and i have no idea where the days have gone. my physical state returning to normal is harder to accept this time. i watched the pounds fall off and...
so it may go without saying that with our most recent loss i was diagnosed with incompetent cervix. basically this means that my cervix is weak and the pressure and weight of my growing belly causes ...
when speaking of songs, i prefer the variety that dont repeat themselves incessantly, taunting me from the inside. i am not a music snob, like so many of my nearest and dearest have been or become. i...
yes, it goes on and on my friends....so here i am. three weeks and a day since ive had to say goodbye, again. this time is so differenteveryone would say. and i would just nod, nervously. it was diff...
i dont really know what to say.the outpouring of love and support here has meant more to us than you know.we are so very lucky to have family that surround us with love and comfort.people who love an...
Thomas Albert Jr.andBayli Raewere born and joined their sisters in a better place on June 8, 2011 at 21w2dthey are loved more than anything
i went into the hospital on sunday with side and back pain. after being hooked up to the monitors for an hour and a half, i was d/c with a dx of pulled muscle. i was told they would admit/watch me if...
ATTENTION: Dear Reader, the post includes Angies, from Still Life with Circles Right Where I Am Project, the one where you talk about right where you are in your grief and what it is like now, so new...
i just need to see this18 weeks with Ayla & Julietnowwell they are obviously much higher than the girls were. they are also both more in the front of my belly whereas the girls really sprea...
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