NoBoilin’, boilin’, boilin’Boilin’, boilin’, boilin’ Boilin’, boilin’, boilin’Boilin’, boilin’, boilin’ Raw food! No boilin’, boilin’, boilin’ Got this raw diet rollin’ No cooked chow thru my colon.R...
Jax.Slacks.6-packs.Lax.Jax in slacks.Relax with six-packs.Jax’s slacks get too tight.Time for Jax to face facts.Time for Jax to try to diet.Jax in slacks.Diets and tracks.Eat less foodstuff cooked in...
Tomorrows my birthday, so if youre planning on throwing me a surprise party (and Im not saying that you SHOULD be planning on throwing me a surprise party because I hate surprise parties), but if you...
THE DAILY SCALEYIt does not matter how slowly you go as long as you dont stop.
A thought occurred to me the other day: why are there so many "fat" jokes and hardly any "fit" jokes?Such as...“You so fit that you signed up for your companys 401K program thinking t...
• Breakfast is the most important meal of the day; always stand at attention and do not fail to salute your oatmeal.• Save time by dressing while you shower.• Its tough to get in a morning workout, s...
Let’s start at the very beginning. It’s the only place to start. When you read, you begin with A-B-C. When you gain, you begin with mo-ate-me. Mo-ate-me, mo-ate-me. The first step towards obesity. Mo...
So I got rejected by Hollywood for my Game of Stones mini-series idea, and it really bothered me until I came to a sudden realization: it was everybody else’s fault, not mine.Well, I’ll take a little...
• You can make your own spray olive oil by figuring out some way to push regular olive oil into an aerosol can.• When making mashed potatoes, you can save some calories by using skim milk and skim po...
I make no bones about it: blogging has been an instrumental part in my getting-more-healthy plans.I get more than my fair share of support from the masses with fat asses, so I like to return the favo...
THE DAILY SCALEYSlow and steady wins the race... even though the smart money bets on fast and steady.
• Weigh in on top of a moving train (dont forget to duck when you come up on a tunnel)• If you show a loss, run out and high-five everyone in the house (oh come on... at least put a robe on first!)• ...
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So I’m out in LA talking to this famous movie exec about my can’t miss premise for a mini-series starring a host of popular weight-loss bloggers…Once upon a time there was a knight named Ser Jack of ...
Hey, Im the guy who puts "ass" in "asstrology"Unless youre too scared to know whats in your future - healthwise - check out my newest post on the Anytime Health site.Speaking of "...
Once upon a time there were three not-so-little pigs who wanted to drop a little bacon, if you know what I mean.Well, the first not-so-little pig tried exercising every day, but he didnt want t...
• "Did you know that piece of equipment was invented by a woman named Ellie Liptical?"• "Whatever you do, never hire a personal trainer who doesnt have a torso."• "Im pretty...
THE DAILY SCALEYHad 6 a.m. basketball game, so didnt weight myself this morning; instead, took last weeks individual weigh-ins, added them up and divided by seven. IM NOT GOOD AT MATH, OKAY?
• Breakfast in bed sends wrong message about sedentary lifestyle; instead, serve Mom breakfast from back of a moving pickup truck.• Even if your mom is 90 years old, theres nothing more thoughtful th...
I know, I know... you just got here, and here I am sending you off to check out an interview I did for some company that sells something or other. If you think you know Jack Sh*t, you dont know... um...
Where the Wide Things Are The night Jax wore his sweat pants and ate snacks of one kind and another. His wife called him “WIDE THING!” and Jax said “I’LL EAT THIS UP!” so he was sent to bed without g...
A special treat for carb-beraters, Jack’s meaty new musical number puts the “Broad” in “Broadway”* ORPHANS]*It’s the carb-not life for us!It’s the carb-not life for us![ANNIE]‘Steada taters, [OR...
• When youre making a sandwich, if you replace the bread with lettuce, the cheese with lettuce, the lunch meat with lettuce and the mayonnaise with lettuce, well my friend, you have just magically ch...
This is the diet that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started dieting, not knowing what to do, and theyll continue eating better just because...This is the diet that never en...
THE DAILY SCALEYStill outta town on business, so Im guesstimating weight today...
Lean muscle is the goal for me. Tight tissue’s what I’d like to see. Ass not spreadin’ out so far and wide.Keep on workin’, and quit eatin’ food that’s fried. New bod is what Id rather own.I’d like a...
• Try my "Coke Water" recipe (half Coke, half water); it has half the calories and sugar of regular Coke!• Looking for a mood improver? Try a small piece of dark chocolate with a Zoloft table...
Yeah, You know technically,I’m not even really supposed to parody Eminem songs, But f*ck it. Might as well do one more… Ahh ah ah ah eh eh eh eh ehhh Yeah, haha… Feels good, Whooo, Guess I’m lucky, S...
• Don’t fill up on bread unless it takes longer than 45 seconds for your food to arrive.• Make any soup more low calorie by dumping a glass of water into it.• When you order a salad, have the frostin...
So, usually I refrain from during yardwork because I dont want to get too tired for my workout. "Do you not see how ridiculous that is?" said P.T. (Pecan Tree) Barnum. "Yo...
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