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SlushPile Hell
slushpilehell.tumblr.com/page/3
12
A grumpy literary agent wades through query fails. var sc_project=5964322; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="624c2312";
#107216 in All

My only hope is to have my story read and for the reader to judge whether its merit is to be...

My only hope is to have my story read and for the reader to judge whether its merit is to be catered along the worthy and lucky enough to be published. My vision is my own and my story has been conce...

22 may 12 1 person likes this

I understand that many agents will attend BEA in New York the week of June 4. Can you tell me...

I understand that many agents will attend BEA in New York the week of June 4. Can you tell me whether you’ll be attending and whether you have time to meet with me to discuss my manuscript? I l...

22 may 12

Intuitively I am led as an Author to your establishment having perused the Association of...

Intuitively I am led as an Author to your establishment having perused the Association of Author’s Representative website and I believe you have what it takes to meet my Publishing target. The ...

14 may 12

Dear Mr. xxxxx, you may remember, we met not too long ago in the spirit world.Yes, I definitely...

Dear Mr. xxxxx, you may remember, we met not too long ago in the spirit world. Yes, I definitely remember. You were dressed in chinos, a dapper gabardine jacket, loafers, with a manuscript in your ha...

07 may 12

I am seeking an agent with a sense of urgency, ambition, and integrity.Sorry, you lost me at...

I am seeking an agent with a sense of urgency, ambition, and integrity. Sorry, you lost me at ambition.

01 may 12

Dear agent, I have shown the below proposal to seven other agents and am waiting to hear from them....

Dear agent, I have shown the below proposal to seven other agents and am waiting to hear from them. In the meantime I am sending it to you. I’m eighth on your list? Oh joy. And here I was think...

23 apr 12

My books have become a source of inspiration for thousands of people who, having acquainted with...

My books have become a source of inspiration for thousands of people who, having acquainted with the technologies of salvation, made many discoveries about their opportunities and received excellent...

16 apr 12

I am seeking representation for a “THREE BOOK” series…Okay, you’re...

I am seeking representation for a “THREE BOOK” series… Okay, you’re blowing my mind. Is it that you want me to think it’s three books, but it’s really one book div...

09 apr 12

Hello, I am A Christian woman that recently has been lead by the Lord to write books for little...

Hello, I am A Christian woman that recently has been lead by the Lord to write books for little childrens and teensagers. I beleive these are blessings from above and I am convinced the Lord will wil...

26 mar 12 1 person likes this

I desire to seek representation for my manuscript which I profoundly state is my crown achievement....

I desire to seek representation for my manuscript which I profoundly state is my crown achievement from my many other bodies of works. I consistently engage in my unique style mixing fiction and nonf...

19 mar 12

I am a student of history and an admirer of all the great writers from Melville to Mailer, Twain to...

I am a student of history and an admirer of all the great writers from Melville to Mailer, Twain to Fitzgerald, and Hawthorne to Hemingway. I have studied these legends and have emulated there dexte...

12 mar 12

Dear agent, my name is xxxxxxx. I’m GOD…. I feel like I’d like to get out and...

Dear agent, my name is xxxxxxx. I’m GOD…. I feel like I’d like to get out and produce something. I’ve been shopping for a book agent. It would help to get the word out. Any help available from you? N...

05 mar 12

If you see any virtue in my books, I would like to submit the manuscripts for a deal that is not...

If you see any virtue in my books, I would like to submit the manuscripts for a deal that is not “vanity” but “royalty.” You’re in luck. I insist that all of my authors’ contracts include a clause th...

28 feb 12

Dear Agent, I recently finished a story that can only be described as unique.Can’t wait to...

Dear Agent, I recently finished a story that can only be described as unique. Can’t wait to pitch this one to editors: “Hey, girl. I’ve got a hot one for you. What? Describe it? Well, I can only desc...

21 feb 12

This work has been my chosen path for far too many years to admit freely. The excuses are longer...

This work has been my chosen path for far too many years to admit freely. The excuses are longer than the length of my arm, one of which was the standard, “it isn’t the right time,” causing it to fer...

14 feb 12

I’m a student, whose well rounded in the world of literature. Through my unique schooling,...

I’m a student, whose well rounded in the world of literature. Through my unique schooling, I’ve had experience in poetry, comedy, romance, and everything in between. Funny that “everything in between...

06 feb 12

I have never attempted to publish a novel. As such, I have no clue about the process. Could you...

I have never attempted to publish a novel. As such, I have no clue about the process. Could you help me understand it? Oh sure. I’d be happy to take time out of negotiating deals, arguing with contr...

30 jan 12 1 person likes this

Dear Esteemed Official, forthwith I am attaching my query for your keen consideration.Dea r Humble...

Dear Esteemed Official, forthwith I am attaching my query for your keen consideration. Dear Humble Mendicant, I stopped reading your query after the salutation, as I prefer to be addressed as “Omnipo...

23 jan 12

There may be a potential for extremely large sales WORLDWIDE if professionally redesigned,...

There may be a potential for extremely large sales WORLDWIDE if professionally redesigned, corrections made, edited, expanded, updated and promoted. This may turn out to be “The Ultimate Theory of Ev...

09 jan 12

What you are about to read through only 27 pages will forever change your thoughts on reality as it...

What you are about to read through only 27 pages will forever change your thoughts on reality as it truly is, either now, or when it’s too late; and that is because the beginning of the end has arriv...

02 jan 12

My book is a masterpiece, magnificent and excellent novel. You could earn at least $10,000 to one...

My book is a masterpiece, magnificent and excellent novel. You could earn at least $10,000 to one million dollar from my best novel. The readers would turn the pages in pleasure to find the consequen...

19 dec 11

Dear Honorable and Respected Literary Agent / Patron. Hope this email finds you in mesmerizing...

Dear Honorable and Respected Literary Agent / Patron. Hope this email finds you in mesmerizing happiness and prosperity . At the outset, a triumphant privilege to be writing to you. I am emailing you...

12 dec 11

Look, I have two international best sellers on my hands, you can trust me and and make lots of...

Look, I have two international best sellers on my hands, you can trust me and and make lots of money or not trust me and miss out on making your career, either way, I’ve got the best seller. Tough ch...

29 nov 11

Ask an Agent Day at SlushPile Hell!

Dear SlushPile Hell, it seems that agents are too busy to give my query serious attention. How can I get and hold an agent’s attention? Dear writer, excellent question. Bribes or threats usually work...

21 nov 11

My dream agent is Andrew Wylie, but it seems that he only handles big name authors, so I’m...

My dream agent is Andrew Wylie, but it seems that he only handles big name authors, so I’m querying you. This is eerily similar to the way my wife accepted my marriage proposal.

14 nov 11

I’m writing to find out if you represent fiction. Please advise.I guess on my agency...

I’m writing to find out if you represent fiction. Please advise. I guess on my agency website where it says I represent fiction, it must have been confusing to you. So thank you for allowing me to ta...

07 nov 11

Before I send you my query, I want to be certain you have relationships with editors at the...

Before I send you my query, I want to be certain you have relationships with editors at the biggest, most prestigious publishers in the US. Can you tell me which publishers you typically work with? G...

31 oct 11

Dear SlushPile Hell clown, why do you insist on anonymity? I bet you aren’t really even a...

Dear SlushPile Hell clown, why do you insist on anonymity? I bet you aren’t really even a literary agent.You suck. Oh, I’m definitely a literary agent. And I have the dwindling bank account, Grinch-l...

24 oct 11

GOD has asked ME to stay up all night to write this book! Sorry for the short notice, but I only...

GOD has asked ME to stay up all night to write this book! Sorry for the short notice, but I only just received the emergency message from GOD. Hey, I understand completely. In 2006, when I was on my...

10 oct 11

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?It took me years to write, will you take a look?I will...

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book? It took me years to write, will you take a look? I will not read your book in a house. I will not read it with a mouse. I do not like it here or there. I do ...

03 oct 11 1 person likes this

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