Todays Magazine Living post on Curbed.com...
Ever since Elaine got that pet rabbit, I figure it can’t hurt to put our guests’ minds at ease with some simple labeling.
Gordon the turtle lamented the fact that while his species benefited from a relatively long lifespan, its later years were all too often spent in food service.
The table always dreaded those first few summer days at the pool before he had his base tan going.
In the summer months when their predators emerge from hibernation, throw pillows instinctively shed their colorful skins and seek camouflage in tall beige grasses.
My mistake, Gary. When you asked for the cabinet instructions, I assumed you meant for assembling it, not for using it.
Two reasons, Elaine. One, I think it makes the light from the lamps more flattering. Two, I just always feel better knowing there’s iced tea nearby.
She might be our oldest, Elaine, but I never would have given Catherine the largest shadow box if I’d known she was just going to squander the extra space on her boring pebble collection.
Elaine, I’d say it was a mistake to uncork all the wine right off the bat, but I’ve stopped pretending to understand what happens at these baby showers.
Although no official records exist, Gary and Elaine are generally credited with the first use of the term “Towel Clam.”
Gary had always appreciated his grandfather’s assertion of who’s boss.
Rodeo star or not Gary, your friend Earl won’t be invited over again if he continues to wrangle our candles.
See, Elaine? I told you if we left some cake and sardines outside the tent we’d attract a Forest Quilt.
They’re cute statues, Elaine, but the scenario doesn’t have the same energy as when I used to create it myself with live animals.
Having knocked over her carafe of water in the middle of the night, Elaine woke to find that, much like Gremlins, book stacks multiply when they get wet.
Gary looked down at the bench in horror, knowing that Elaine was somewhere out in the ocean without her swim scarf.
Nautical theme schmautical theme, Elaine. No good can come from you keeping a large coil of rope in your bedside table, especially with your alarming history of acting out night terrors.
Though the splinters on her fingers may have indicated otherwise, Elaine knew that hand-wrapping each beer bottle in wood veneer was always worth the effort.
The Catalog Living book comes out June 26th! It features 100% new material as well as invaluable decorating advice from Gary and Elaine. Pre-order today! IndieBound Barnes & Noble Amazon
I guess I have two questions, Gary: Why do you think you need to save your seat when you go to the kitchen, and who do you think will be deterred by a small plant stem?
It goes without saying that few things are ruder than bringing rope to one of Gary and Elaine’s backgammon and hat-swapping parties
Elaine’s precarious booby trap of glass balls: 1Gary learning about the world through the pages of National Geographic: 0.
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