So I’m stealing my parents’ internet right now. I’m jacking their signal. I’m up in their modem. Okay, I’m not really stealing it since my mother graciously invited me o...
From earlier today. He wonders why I hate talking on the phone so much: “Hey. How are you?” “I’m grouchy.” “Why is that? Did you sleep poorly?” “No. I ...
The note said the assembly started at 8:50 am. Past experience dictated I had a few extra minutes to spare because as hard as those elementary teachers try, getting five grades of children to neatly ...
It’s been one of those days. You know the ones. They typically start with you moaning first thing in the morning about something or other and end with you begging for mercy and a mulligan by ni...
Disclaimer: I’m working with a social eReader program, Copia, which is launching this weekend. As part of the launch they’ve asked me to mention Copia is having a Mother’s Day sale ...
My husband gave me an anniversary present last night when he came home. Even though we had agreed not to exchange any presents because after 15 years the only thing either of us really needs is enoug...
15 years ago I stood across from a young man and promised to spend the rest of my life with him. He was really good looking. He still is. I was really pregnant and just thrilled to know I wouldn̵...
With final exams looming right around the corner for my older children, there has been a lot of talk of what the future holds in store for Fric and Frac. And by ‘talk’ I mean, I’ve ...
I’m not the type of girl who can’t admit she has a small problem. I know I have a sickness. I may indeed need help. I bought more glasses. My husband is ready to divorce me. Only he can&#...
It would appear I wasn’t the only one having a good time this weekend. I left my husband alone. With this: Which, in hindsight, may not have been my smartest move. Because when I came home, thi...
When I was little my mom bought my big brother Star Wars sheets and Strawberry Shortcakes sheets for my bed. I remember wishing Ms. Berry was a Wookie and having imaginary conversations with Chewbacc...
She approached me with a serious look on her face and quietly asked, “Mom, can I ask you a question?” I looked up at her and nodded my head. “You know you can ask me anything,”...
Once upon a time, long, long ago, I compromised with my husband. (Read that knowing I wrote the word compromise with great disdain and dislike. Compromise is for the weak. Or the happily married. WHA...
OR ALTERNATELY TITLED: MY HUSBAND IS SO GOING TO KILL ME It’s not every day that I receive a head in a cardboard box in the mail. Because it’s not every day that a jewellery maker reads m...
I don’t have any idea when we first met. None what so ever. You’ve always been a constant in my life, thanks to our fathers’ friendship. You have simply always been. I remember you as a boy with feat...
First there was one. And now there are two. I can’t decide if I want to drink or if I want to vomit. Either way, I will never have to drive again. Congratulations Frac. I’m proud of you k...
With the start of spring break coinciding with my husband’s rare monthly appearance at home, he figured he should spend some quality one on three time with his beasts. I took this to mean the f...
I wasn’t the prettiest, most popular kid when I was in middle school. Or high school for that matter, but I’m okay with that because I was down with being uncool. My lack of popularity wa...
He looks like a sweet kid, right? I thought so too, until Thursday. Turns out if you poke my gentle giant enough, he’ll poke back. Hard. Who knew? Apparently my man-child finally figured out si...
These are my children: One of them is different than the others. I’ll give you a hint: Clearly the Jumbster is younger than his siblings and obviously much more hip. I mean, just look at the bo...
When I was a less experienced mother, with smaller, younger children I would frequently take my kids with me where ever I went. Mostly because I was too poor to pay for a quality sitter and I didn...
Random odd fact about me: My third child was supposed to be born on Feb 29, 2000. Not the Shale-ster, no, not unless he had the gestation period of an elephant, but a different third child, lost to ...
So I was just minding my own business the other night, watching my children wrestle over the television remote while I surfed the net looking for randomly odd things to pin on Pinterest when I heard ...
Every now and then I get hit with a pang of guilt that my life is fairly easy. Generally this happens as I’m sitting at the computer playing Solitaire and reading other people’s blogs whi...
Do you ever have that nagging feeling that you’ve totally forgotten something, only you can’t quite remember what it is you’ve forgotten but you’re smart enough to remember th...
My dog is an asshole. Specifically, my dog Nixon is an asshole. (I’d hate to lump all of my dogs into the asshole category, although, they do all have their asshole tendencies. But today I̵...
So remember how once upon a time, we had a ridiculously ugly couch that my children slashed with knives and the dogs puked on and how I was so very tired of furniture which looked better out on my la...
It was one of those hot summer afternoons where the heat bounced off the sidewalk in blurry waves. I was fourteen years old and unsupervised and my best friend Jojo and I had this wild idea to hang o...
There is one person in this world who is allowed to call me “Mommy.” Hint: It’s not my husband. Because…ew. Nor is it the PR flackies who keeps sending me bizarre email pitche...
When I was 13, I was convinced that when I grew up I was not going to look at all like anything I currently resembled. Time would work it’s magic and erase the curse of genetics and biology and...
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