The Cat Is Still Dead, But...

I'm finally feeling a little better, thanks for asking.

The Cat Is Still Dead, and I Am Still Sad

I think that pretty much sums it up. Oh, and there's this: The vet who came to the house to, um, do the deed handed me a booklet on his way out about grieving the loss of your pet. I of course...

I Totally Get Why Other People Believe in Heaven

This will not be news to any readers out there over the age of four or five, but losing your pet really, really sucks. And by "losing" I mean "having them die." And by "having them die" I mean...

An Atheist Trying to Explain Death to a Three-Year-Old

Me to the three-year-old: We're going to have to say goodbye to the cat today, honey. The three-year-old: Yes, I think so, too. Yeah. [Sniff.] Is she going to the happy store? The happy store?...

The Goddamned Circle of Life

Not my cat. Just an amazing Parisian flee market cat painting.I'm sitting here staring at an index card on which I've scribbled prices for various, um, end-of-life services for my cat. Euthanasia:...

Deal With It

I have a piece in The New York Times' Modern Love column this Sunday—which appeared online today. I didn't come up with the title ("Yes, I Really Am Bisexual. Deal With It.") so I'm allowed to love...

Boston

I want to say something thoughtful about Boston this week, but instead I'm going to share a link by my brilliant and lovely friend Elizabeth, who writes the NosyGirl blog. I could never have said...

I'm pouring bowls of Cheerios for my kids this morning, musing on how I've never really liked Cheerios—the smell, the taste, the texture, the milk-sog—and suddenly it hits me: Cheerios are dog...

The Reign of Gender Norms

At our house we do not do Princess. The girls possess zero tiaras, zero plastic high-heeled shoes, zero polyester Disney gowns in ghastly Easter egg hues. I’m the only family member who can...

Organ Meat

A short version of my essay about my desire not to eat my baby's afterbirth appears in the current (April/May) issue of Fit Pregnancy magazine—check it out in your nearest OB/GYN's waiting room....

At What Age Do Balloons Stop Being Appropriate?

Today is my 38th birthday. Hooray. And now, for a recap of some of the best moments of my 37th year... 1. Having my second and final baby. 2. Finally stopping barfing an hour after having my second...

Everything Including the Kitchen Sink

I'm wary of becoming one of those writers (the kind with a vagina that's been used as an exit for bodies, not just an entrance) whose literary output hinges on charming anecdotes about my adorable,...

Just a Bug

I have a virus. The preschooler had it first, then her dad, then me. So I know it's a virus. A virus that causes nausea. And makes certain foods smell weird and unappealing. And creates cravings...

Pass Me the Crack(ed) Pipe

Not my pipe.Here's a question: how horrified would you be if you found out the pipe that takes sewage away from your home was cracked—massively cracked, tens of thousands of dollars to repair...

She Who Knows Fog

This morning as we were heading to her school, the three-year-old looked at the damp sidewalk and squishy muddy lawn and said, matter-of-factly, "It's a soggy day." Then she looked up and saw the...

No Placenta for Me, Thanks

A bit terrifying that it took nearly a year, but in March an ultra-condensed version of my essay about why I chose not to eat the placenta from either of my two children's gestations is coming out...

What did YOU legalize this week?

Possession of small amounts of marijuana and marrying the person of your choosing, regardless or their sex or yours or the matching or mis-matching of your personal bits both finally became legal...

Not the Babysitter

Two women just came to my door to offer me a pamphlet about Jesus or God or the End Times or something along those lines. (I confess I just saw the cheesy sunset artwork and the word "Jesus Christ"...

I Want an Oompa Loompa Now, Please

Today is the two-year-old—now three-year-old's—birthday. Does this mean I have to be nice to her when she's whining like a leaf-blower, complaining like a defeated politician, and bossing like...

Apparently (Thank you, Blogger Stats!) someone came across this blog when searching for strawberry-scented deodorant. Strawberry Shortcake, is that you? Apple Dumplin' and Blueberry Muffin, are you...

Jesus-Lovers, WTF?

On the way to score my morning hit of caffeine (alright, my second), I passed a gloriously dilapidated old church, all crumbing brick and broken stained glass and water-stained, graffitied plywood....

What to Expect, Whether It's What You Expected or Not

Ironically, the people at What to Expect When You're Expecting asked me to write a short piece for their website. Read it here!

Why Buy a Mattress Any Way Else?

Back when we were carefree, childless newlyweds—which is to say, for four months in 2009—Dr. Husband and I consistently held a little marriage maintenance event known as “Family Meeting.” (Thank...

?!?!?!

Holy shit! It's been nearly a month again. What the hell?!

Welcome to Seattle, Here’s Your Pick-Axe and Hemp Milk

Thank god! I’m sitting in my car in the garage of a certain famous Seattle recreational equipment store, parked between a silver Subaru and a maroon one, trying to talk myself out of a panic...

No Dead Birds Here!

Yesterday found me with my head stuck in the oven, but not to fear—my oven is electric and the stank of years of baked-on funk is enough to keep anyone from lingering in there very long anyway. The...

Really Big Brown Bag

My identity got stolen last week. Someone called my credit card company impersonating me and told them “I” had a new address and phone number and was about to embark on some travel. They also...

Like a Toothpick

Not my cat—who could forget this cat?!Clearly, a month in between blog posts is unacceptable. UNacceptable, people. I get this. I feel this. And I do not care. I do not care about a lot of things...

Leaving Las Vegas (Where We Never Went in the First Place)

A few weeks back, Dr. Husband noticed he had multiple days in a row without any shifts scheduled at the hospital. Since the baby is (so far) really easy (knocking hard on wood here), we decided to...

The Flowers in My Lady Garden

You know how some writers invite other people to contribute guest posts when they’re feeling stuck or busy or lazy or uninspired? After much contemplation (read: not very much at all) and a...