Dear friend on Facebook, Your Facebook status should not double as your diary. Sincerely, I dont want to know everything about your life!
Dear parents, How can I "shoot for the stars" and be "down to earth" at the same time? Sincerely, confused daughter.
Dear girlfriend receiving acceptance letters from universities across the country, I support you no matter where you choose to go. Sincerely, secretly wishing you stay in-state!
Dear calculus, Please limit yourself. Sincerely, youre deriving me crazy.
Dear reader, I know you went from reading calmly to SCREAMING IN YOUR HEAD! Sincerely, gotcha.
Dear people who say "nothing is impossible", Have you ever tried slamming a revolving door? Sincerely, BA-ZING!
Dear JK Rowling, My kids will one day blame you for their strange names. Sincerely, the future father of Lucius and Bellatrix.
Dear math textbooks, Can you please stop using exclamation points. Math is never exciting... Sincerely, a student who cannot be fooled!
Dear women who like "a man in uniform", Does my black and white, striped uniform turn you on? Sincerely, curious and hopeful, prison inmate.
Dear jerks shouting obscenities from their car, Why yes, I am a homo sapien. Thank you for your keen observation! Sincerely, youre a homo too!
Dear straight men, Just because I am gay, doesnt mean I am attracted to you. I actually think most of you are quite hideous. Hope my honesty makes you feel better... Sincerely, a gay man.
Dear chocolate, OM NOM NOM NOM... Sincerely, PMS-ing girls everywhere.
Dear "100 things to do before you die" creator, Why didnt you include, "yell for help!"? Sincerely, thats what I would do...
Dear teenage Facebook users, Did you think that you were uploading your photos to a Playboy audition? Sincerely, put some clothes on!
Dear baby fat, Please migrate to my boobs soon. Sincerely, a waiting, 19 year old girl.
Dear #2 pencil, Why arent you #1? Sincerely, I only want to use the best.
Dear internet, Please stop being so funny. Sincerely, my teacher now thinks I find metaphors hilarious.
Dear new girl, Why do you have to come into this school right when I get a boyfriend? Sincerely, girl who got dumped because of you.
Dear death, Please reincarnate me as a bear. They eat for half a year, sleep for half a year, and arent awake for child birth. Sincerely, jealous.
Dear Trojan condom company, Oh the irony... Sincerely, the whole point of the Trojan horse was that they got in...
Dear kids of the 90s, Please stop lying to yourself. We all know you would have stayed inside all day with your Nintendo Game Cube if you could have. Sincerely, anonymous.
Dear guy from California, Ive never been so proud of my southern accent. Sincerely, thank you for telling me its cute.
Dear ex boyfriends crotch, Please allow me to introduce you to all 1500+ pages of the complete encyclopedia of football. Sincerely, perhaps a library wasnt the best place to confess that you had chea...
Dear dad, Thank you for being awesome and playing the Harry Potter theme song, and the theme to Rocky while I do my homework. Sincerely, the band directors daughter.
Dear society, Contrary to what you believe, skin color has no affect on character. We all look the same on the inside. Sincerely, I actually believe real beauty lies within.
Dear guy best friend, Remember when we were able to cuddle and not feel weird about it? I miss that. Sincerely, your girlfriend ruins everything.
Dear Taliban, I am a Muslim, and can say for sure this is not Islam at all you represent. The synonym of Islam is "peace." Please stop making us monstrous. Sincerely, a Muslim, and not a terr...
Dear teacher who called in sick because they didnt get enough sleep, Its called Starbucks. And four hours is plenty for all of your students. Sincerely, just as sleep deprived student.
Dear freshmen, Learn to walk. The hallway works just like a road, you walk on the righthand side. Sincerely, frustrated senior.
Dear Disney, Please stop putting your movies "in a vault". Youre making me hate you and are depriving an entire generation from your awesome movies. Sincerely, everyone.
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