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1001 rules for my unborn son
rulesformyunbornson.tumblr.com
120
Let’s get some things straight before I get old and uncool.
#9175 in All

MATTHAU.

MATTHAU.

2 days ago

"This quitting thing, it’s a hard habit to break once you start."

“This quitting thing, it’s a hard habit to break once you start.” - Coach Buttermaker, Bad News Bears

2 days ago

532. Never turn down a breath mint.

06 feb 12

531. If you need to explain a joke, it probably isnt funny.

30 jan 12

530. The drugstore is no place to catch up with old friends.

30 jan 12

That sure is a lot of cranberry juice, Phyllis.

That sure is a lot of cranberry juice, Phyllis.

30 jan 12

SUBMISSIONS

I am a loyal tumblr-er, and I hesitate to direct anyone to any inferior social network, but in the interest of inclusivity, you may now submit your rule suggestions via facebook™. There is no need to...

30 jan 12

"A gentleman is simply a patient wolf."

“A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.” - Lana Turner

26 jan 12

What’s so funny?

What’s so funny?

24 jan 12

529. Try it without the sarcasm.

24 jan 12

528. Its better to be right than first. Its best to be both.

22 jan 12 1 person likes this

"If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away."

“If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” - John Steinbeck

22 jan 12 2 people like this

HAVE YOU TRIED THE SHUFFLE BUTTON?

(it’s up in the top left corner)

17 jan 12

527. A sportcoat is worth a thousand words.

17 jan 12

With a jacket this loud, who needs a speech? (King George VI)

With a jacket this loud, who needs a speech? (King George VI)

17 jan 12 1 person likes this

526. Weigh yourself every morning. The battle of the bulge wasnt won in a day.

16 jan 12

"In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach.....

“In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now.” - Patrick Bateman, American Hero Psycho

16 jan 12

525. You cant be friends with everyone.

via MakeOut (click here for their video) cc @makeoutwithtwit

12 jan 12 1 person likes this

524. Not everythings cooler in black and white.

10 jan 12

There’s nothing wrong with rose-tinted glasses. (Happy...

There’s nothing wrong with rose-tinted glasses. (Happy Birthday, David Jo.)

10 jan 12

523. Dont trust a profile pic. Not even your own.

10 jan 12

REQUIRED LISTENING: Elvis Presley, “Kentucky Rain”

REQUIRED LISTENING: Elvis Presley, “Kentucky Rain”

08 jan 12

522. More times than not, you will be judged by your shoes.

08 jan 12

GOLDEN SHOES. Happy Birthday, E.

GOLDEN SHOES. Happy Birthday, E.

08 jan 12

521. There is just no good reason to ever look into a womans purse.

05 jan 12

If you know what’s good for you…

If you know what’s good for you…

05 jan 12

520. Dont forget to put the plug in the boat.

04 jan 12

519. The best way to ruin an apology is with an explanation.

04 jan 12

518. Expect no sympathy for a hangover. And give none.

01 jan 12

BREAKFAST.

BREAKFAST.

01 jan 12

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