Here and now

Recently I’ve had sort of an epiphany about the whole idea of mindfulness. It’s something I’ve really struggled with in the past – that trying to stay in the moment thing – and I kept hoping that...

Plateaued

I made the decision to discontinue EMDR. I felt like I just plateaued with it. It got to the point where I left there every week thinking that I didn’t come out of there with anything new. It’s...

The Truth

It’s kind of hard to say how I’ve been feeling lately. Obviously the thing with my sister has thrown me for a loop, but not to the extent I thought it would have. A year ago news like I received...

Self-preservation

I just don’t know what to do. My sister is in such a horrible situation and I can see it spiraling out of control and it’s like no one is doing anything about it. My parents are taking the “let go...

Rough couple of days

Be prepared for this post to be all over the place. I’m having a rough time right now. My mom called me on Wednesday and asked if I could meet her for coffee Thursday morning. I just knew something...

Sick and tired

Sorry that it’s been about a week since I posted last. I’m having myself a little bit of a pity party. I’m just tired of the whole mental illness thing that I have going on. I just want to be...

Med Update

Nothing new to report on the mental health front. Although, I did switch back to Prozac from Zoloft last week. I had told my psychiatric nurse practitioner that I had put on almost 15 lbs since...

Great book

I’m reading this great book right now. It’s called Why Am I Still Depressed? Recognizing and Managing the Ups and Downs of Bipolar II and Soft Bipolar Disorder by James R. Phelps. It talks about...

Book Review – Yesterday, I Cried

Yesterday, I Cried : Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving by Iyanla Vanzant My rating: 4 of 5 stars This book was about a woman’s journey from her past self, “Rhonda,” to a more authentic,...

List of Fives – Shame Based Experiences

Continued from here. This one is going to be really hard for me. I don’t even know what to write. I can think of a few things but they’re extremely embarrassing and even though I write under a...

List of Fives – Five Losses

Continued from here. Five Losses 1. Loss of trust. In my family, it was every man for himself. Which meant there was a lot of lying and throwing others under the bus. I’m trying really hard to...

Taboo

I’m going to talk about a taboo subject today. And the mothers out there will secretly agree with me, but few will actually admit that they feel the same way at times. Motherhood isn’t always such...

List of Fives – Five Fears

Continued from here. I’m not sure what to write for my “Five Losses,” so for now I’ll skip ahead to my “Five Fears” while I wait to receive an email back from my EMDR therapist. Five Fears 1. Fear...

List of Fives: Five Traumas

This is another assignment that my EMDR therapist gave me that will hopefully help me create some “target areas” to work on when we really start doing the EMDR work. The goal is to come up with...

Attachment-Focused History, Part 2

Continued from this post. Could you tell me about separations from your parents? Did you ever stay with another family for an extended period while your parents were away or otherwise unable to...

Attachment-Focused History, part 1

My EMDR therapist gave me this assignment this week and I figured I’d type it out here and then copy it over because I have better luck typing than writing it out. I can type faster, first of all,...

Thoughtful Thursday

Today my therapist helped me work out why I was so down yesterday. A couple of weeks ago, my mom sent me a really nice card in the mail and since then I’ve been playing around with the idea of...

Having a bad day

Warning: I feel like I can’t even put together a coherent thought today. Read at your own risk. Feeling pretty low today for some reason. Not sure why. All I know is that I hate feeling like this....

Book Review – Eat, Pray, Love

Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert My rating: 4 of 5 stars This book had three main parts to it: Italy, India and Indonesia...

Thoughtful Thursday

We talked today about two different people can feel loved in very different ways. She used an example from a case she had a few years back where the man said he showed his wife he loved her by...

This too shall pass

I’m coming up on the one year anniversary of this blog. And as I reflect on the last year, where I am now and where I was coming from then, the saying that comes to mind is, “This too shall pass,”...

What is

“In order to get from what was to what will be, you must go through what is.” ~ Anonymous What a delicious quote! I let the words roll over my tongue and savored the taste of them in my mind. I...

Fate

Do you believe in fate? I’m starting to. Over the past year I’ve struggled mightily with the idea of a higher power. How could there be a God when I was in so much pain and felt so completely...

Selfish

Am I stuck in my own self-pity? Am I wallowing in it? This is something that has been bothering me for a while now. My husband made a comment recently that I’m being selfish… that I’m so deeply...

Fear

I’ve been thinking these last couple of days about something that my primary therapist and my EMDR therapist both said to me this week. They said that the “issues” I carry around with me have as...

Disconnect

I spoke to my EMDR therapist today about my problem of being disconnected from my feelings. She explained that it’s a defense mechanism. When something really traumatic happens in your past, you...

Reflections of Motherhood

This has always been one of my favorite YouTube videos: What would I say? Choose your battles Be kind to yourself Your kids will love you anyway Love is unconditional Everything you thought you...

Yeah, I know… it’s not the 14th anymore. But I saw this on MajorBedhead and thought it might be fun. So post a comment (or two) and let me know you’ve been reading along. Share this on Facebook...

Feeling

Here’s something that I have to confess: I don’t know how to feel. Let me clarify… I don’t know how to feel. I can tell you how I’m supposed to feel at any given moment. And if it’s a really...

Thoughtful Thursday

Today was the first day I’ve had regular counseling in a little over a month. Not because I particularly wanted the break, but because circumstances beyond our control (snowstorms, vacations, the...