Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

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An overdue library book, a recovered manuscript, a transpacific saga

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48. Blue-sky Rocketship

Naturally, I thought of tampons. So I began filling in bubble D while the young girl and a woman I assumed to be her mother continued their walk through a field of flowers. As the girl listened...

Mar 8, 2013 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

47. I Got a Headache

“I got a headache.” This was not covered in Super Power Interview: Dominating Others and Charging Blindly Toward Your Future, a book I had borrowed from a bookstore downtown with especially poor...

Feb 5, 2013 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

46. The Thing With the Guy From the Place

After being advised to return to Japan by a woman named Monique and an image of the Virgin Mary constructed from cigarette butts and crack vials (previous post), I seized the opportunity to grab...

Jan 4, 2013 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

(In the last installment of this blathering blog, a crack dealer in Chicago’s Cabrini-Greene neighborhood was holding a gun to the head of protagonist Eddie Trombone, who had inadvertently conceded...

Dec 6, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

44. Corner Boy

(Like a gabby drunk at the neighborhood tavern napping occasionally between rounds, our story pulls its head off the bar, removes a few coins from its forehead, and resumes from where it left off...

Oct 14, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

43. Stay Puft Psychiatrist

There was a white lady at a big desk. Let me try that again. There was an extremely white lady at a very big desk. No, doesn’t quite capture it. How about this: There was a woman the female...

Sep 4, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

42. Cultural Abduction

“My name is Eddie, and . . .” The words caught in my throat. I closed my eyes against the blue smoke that filled the little church basement. “I’m a . . .” I couldn’t say it. Even with my … Continue...

Aug 4, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

41. The End of Karma

(It behooves me to note by way of explanation for the rambling nonsense below, that the manuscript pages for this particular passage were stained here and there with what our laboratory here at the...

Jun 22, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

40. Karma’s for Suckers (Part 2)

(Postings to this site have been delayed due to an overwhelming public backlash following the last installment, in which Eddie Trombone made several snide comments about karma, people from Southern...

Jun 7, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

39. Karma’s for Suckers

(Apologies for the lateness of this post. This is due to Japan’s Golden Week, a series of holidays no one knows the names of that stretches out for a week or so. I believe one of the holidays is...

May 12, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

38. Culture Grind

His head turned slowly from side to side as he spoke, as if both neck and voice were driven by the same tiny motor, a motor that would occasionally stop, causing his head to abruptly freeze and his...

Mar 31, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

37. Life Raft

TV is like a life raft. It keeps you out of the deep. A man wearing sagging, off-white underpants stands in front of a TV studio audience. As instructed by a fully-clothed man next to him, he...

Mar 8, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

36. The Common Cold

There’s a folksy saying about the common cold that goes something like this: you can take cold medicine and get better in three days, or, if you don’t like that, you can skip the medicine and just...

Feb 23, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

35. French Ventriloquism

French ventriloquists don’t make enough money. I don’t know how much these uncharacteristically steady-lipped Gauls earn at the moment, but it cannot be enough to compensate for the miracle of...

Feb 9, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

34. Freedom from Books

After admiring a sunrise that turned out to be a petroleum fire in the neighboring town, chatting a bit with a prison guard who kept a large, mounted machine gun trained on me the entire time, and...

Jan 27, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

33. A New Day

(Please pardon the delay in postings to this site, but my staff was absent for much of the holiday season. Mr. Kikuchi was visiting his ancestral home in the temple-studded, gently rolling hills of...

Jan 14, 2012 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

32. The Confession

(Thanks to a writer’s block Mrs. Doyle claims to have encountered a page and a half into her recently begun debut novel, we are now able, with the grumbling and grudging help of the frustrated...

Dec 8, 2011 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

31. Honesty is the Best Policy

(There simply is no excuse for the recent delay in postings to this site. But here is one anyway. Mrs. Doyle is working on a novel. When she first told me this, I thought she was using the word...

Nov 19, 2011 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

30. The Book of Mormon

He used the kind of hand signals you see soldiers use in war movies–whirling his index finger in the air, clenching his fist, making a V with two fingers and pointing at his eyes, stuff like...

Aug 27, 2011 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

29. Confessions

“Whap!” “What?” “No! Whap!” he said, and hit me in the side of the head with the telephone book. “Yeah, you’re right,” I assured him so he’d stop. “That’s the sound it makes. Whap!” “And it doesn’t...

Jul 13, 2011 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

28. Martin Luther King

“Anata wa nansai desuka?” I said on the outside chance the man propped up on the bench near the giant pulsating worm was still alive. How old are you? “None of your business, honky,” he replied....

Jun 30, 2011 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

27. Tsukemono

On our way to the massive pulsating worm, the seikeigeka receptionist and I passed several other machines either built specifically for physical rehabilitation or later adapted for the industry...

Jun 18, 2011 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

26. Rehabilitation

(Recent events have resulted in an unavoidable delay in postings to this site. I’m referring of course to the three-week leave of absence taken abruptly by Mrs. Doyle for the purpose of returning...

May 17, 2011 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

25. All Strangers are Cops

Because I have what some might consider a slightly exaggerated estimation of the power and reach of the U.S. government, believing it for instance to count among its many creeping tendrils an...

Feb 27, 2011 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

24. Click

There was a kid in my neighborhood that definitely would have ended up in that short bar, or thin slice of the pie chart, labeled “ineffective” or “unresponsive” or sometimes just “other” in the...

Feb 2, 2011 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

23. Rokubutte

I crouched down, leaned forward a bit, and said, “Rokubute,” immediately after which the child pulled from behind him a samurai sword as long as he was tall and struck me six times in the back of...

Jan 12, 2011 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

22. Chūhai

In Chicago during the winter, the TV weather guy will tell you the temperature. Then he will point at a clever graphic on his little map, and, while you are distracted by, say, a puffy cloud or a...

Dec 26, 2010 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

21. Battleship and Onions

Addresses in the United States are arranged on a grid, like Battleship, that game “FOR AGES 8 TO ADULT” because attorneys for Milton Bradley decided that by the age of eight the company is not...

Dec 5, 2010 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

20. Child Labor

“Robbed of their childhood.” I was on a roll. “Locked up in dark, airless rooms.” I was trying to impress a pretty Canadian woman who I noticed was wearing a t-shirt asking people to save...

Nov 20, 2010 Like

Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

19. Hindu Christmas

(Mrs. Doyle and Mr. Kikuchi have combed the remaining rumpled remnants of the manuscript “Teach Yourself Japanese,” and it seems the author’s entire two-week suspension from Joyfull English, during...

Nov 7, 2010 Like

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Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

48. Blue-sky Rocketship

47. I Got a Headache

46. The Thing With the Guy From the Place

45. Hail Mary

44. Corner Boy

43. Stay Puft Psychiatrist

42. Cultural Abduction

41. The End of Karma

40. Karma’s for Suckers (Part 2)

39. Karma’s for Suckers

38. Culture Grind

37. Life Raft

36. The Common Cold

35. French Ventriloquism

34. Freedom from Books

33. A New Day

32. The Confession

31. Honesty is the Best Policy

30. The Book of Mormon

29. Confessions

28. Martin Luther King

27. Tsukemono

26. Rehabilitation

25. All Strangers are Cops

24. Click

23. Rokubutte

22. Chūhai

21. Battleship and Onions

20. Child Labor

19. Hindu Christmas

Welcome to Bloglovin'

Follow your favorite blogs and discover new ones. Learn more »

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Teach Yourself Japanese: The Eddie Trombone Case

48. Blue-sky Rocketship

47. I Got a Headache

46. The Thing With the Guy From the Place

45. Hail Mary

44. Corner Boy

43. Stay Puft Psychiatrist

42. Cultural Abduction

41. The End of Karma

40. Karma’s for Suckers (Part 2)

39. Karma’s for Suckers

38. Culture Grind

37. Life Raft

36. The Common Cold

35. French Ventriloquism

34. Freedom from Books

33. A New Day

32. The Confession

31. Honesty is the Best Policy

30. The Book of Mormon

29. Confessions

28. Martin Luther King

27. Tsukemono

26. Rehabilitation

25. All Strangers are Cops

24. Click

23. Rokubutte

22. Chūhai

21. Battleship and Onions

20. Child Labor

19. Hindu Christmas

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