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Coffee.Tea.Me
coffeeteame-coffeeteame.blogspot.com
4
For 4 years now I've bottled it up. But when I started associating the ding of a call button with gunshots, I decided I needed another outlet for my trivial, job-related cynicism before I drove my imaginary roommate to move out...antecdotes of my love/hate relationship as a flight attendant reserve.
#272412 in All

How did you get this trip?

HOW DID YOU GET THIS TRIP?They just cant stand it can they?Senior flight attendants who hold the holy grail of trips just go bananas when they show up to fly their high-time (worth lots-o-money) trip...

12 apr 12

An Altitude of Excuses

Im out of town, at home. I love my job.*          *rarelyBut still, here is one of the only reasons why: I can use my job as an excuse to get out of anything.Say Im on the ph...

21 feb 12

Can I Have a Glass of Water?

This seems like a simple request.But for some reason, its often not.The "simple" request is often followed by a million reasons of WHY they want a glass of water. Spare your air hostesses ple...

04 jan 12

The Jetway Surprise

Ive just landed in location B, deplaning is complete, the plane looks like a war zone, my crew and I have packed up our shit, and have checked every seat back pocket for free magazines on the wa...

17 nov 11

Pan Am

Ok listen up. Im only gonna say this once. No, I am not watching Pan Am. Well, to be real, I did try to watch like 10 minutes of it last week to see what all the hype was about and I was sooooo ...

22 oct 11

Accompanied Minors

The situation: 2 UMs. Kids from hell: girl-3, boy-5, sister & brother. They clearly hate each other and are born from satan. UMs (unaccompanied minors) are tricky bitches. I dont know w...

03 oct 11

Not Everyone Likes a Poke

Hole-y Fuck.I swear, as proud as I am to wear my wings and roll my smooth TravelPro around the world, there are many, many, pretty much everyday I work times when I want to position myself&...

13 sep 11

The Super Stew

Rewind back to your school days and remember how there seemed to always be that one person in class who had their hand permanently raised? That kid who did extra credit when they didnt need...

10 sep 11

TBTL with Luke Burbank, addressing the recent podcast interview.

Hi all. So my little blog seems to be getting a lot more hits than usual thanks in large part to being interviewed on the podcast TBTL with Luke Burbank on August 8th. (http:...

31 aug 11

We Do Not Have Pillows & Blankets...And For Good Reason.

Have I ever told you about the time I found jizz on an airplane blanket?I have found jizz on an airplane blanket.So the next time you didnt come prepared and ask your flight attendant for a jizz blan...

09 aug 11

Im not a GPS.

Surprise, surprise. I have another inflight pet peeve. Please, do not ask a flight attendant where the eff we are at 35,000 ft in the air. It doesnt matter and you know it. Look out your window....

02 aug 11

Party of Six

Youre out at dinner.You look at the table to your left. You notice something. An odd party of 6.  Although out of earshot, their conversations seem to you very surface-level, virginal, forc...

20 jul 11

A Bra Isnt Just for Boobs When Youre on an Airplane headed to Vegas.

Im stealing this material and bringing it to you second-hand. I just haveta.So this flight attendant tells me her story. Shes working a flight to Las Vegas... Hold up. First thing I wonder ...

28 jun 11

Feed a Flight Attendant, Well Save Your Life

Flight attendants get a bad rap.I know it may seem like we are the bitchiest bitchy bitches in all of customer service land, but I swear for the most part, we are actually really nice peopl...

08 may 11

I Heart Turbulence.

Turbulence. I request it. Yeah its possible that the bumps you are experiencing on your next flight are not due to weather but well, me. I simply call up the pilots and say, "Yo, Im tired of gros...

29 mar 11

Ginger Ale Fail

Let me tell you something...I hate lots of things. Yah, I drink the haterade when it comes to things like meatless chili, vegans, chain wallets, sombreros in flight, all other airlines, children betw...

23 mar 11

Effective Time-Killing

I get bored at work. Often. I should have majored in Effective Time-Killing because that is what I do besides stewardessing.&nb sp;After my tedious, required duties have been completed, do you ev...

17 mar 11

What is?...Electronic Devices for 200 please.

Pet Peeve. When a flight attendant lists off various types of electronic devices and their respective brand names to be turned off in order to secure the cabin.  DRRROOOOOOOOOOOID....

27 feb 11

I hate flight attendants.

 Phun-eeI worked with this schmuck last week...the dude who vomits bad jokes and nothing else. He acted like Jim Carey but looked like an even fuglier Vince Vaughn. I had to work with him ...

14 dec 10

Boarding Music

I have it out for someone.The "DJ" who creates the boarding music mix tape we are supposed to play when we herd the cattle into my office aeroplane. The last 3 tapes have all included Ju...

08 dec 10

The Best Part of My Job is When Im Not Working

 So I havent posted in a few weeks...why? Because I havent worked.  It was a conscious choice to take a conservative month off (last year I took 7), probably prompted by th...

19 nov 10

Warm nuts?

So I had this passenger. She was gross. She somehow sat in my first class cabin, traveling with her elderly father. I think she belonged in the belly with the animals. I was ...

22 oct 10

Jumpseat Therapy

The flight attendant jumpseat.  Its the pull-down, ass-flattening, back-breaking "seat&# 34; were required to sit on for take-offs and landings...and its the most uncomfor...

11 oct 10

A Croc of Shit.

Its happened.  I flew with a flight attendant who wore Crocs for her inflight shoes. I know! Gross! My eyeballs almost bugged completely out of their sockets when they drifte...

13 sep 10

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