Hieronymus Bosch, The Conjurer Bondage puppy likes it ruff.
Bernhard Strigel, Holy Family Pop, pop, pop, watchin’ muthafuckas drop!
Girolarmo Pesce, The Martyrdom of St. Januarius Hey, Januarius, bro! I brought you that sweet crown you asked f — oh shit. Uh. Nevermind. (submitted by Ellie)
Peter Paul Rubens, Juno and Argus (detail) DAT ASS.
Titian, Portrait of Clarissa Strozzi Karma whoring, Renaissance style. This was all over r/aww, circa 1500
Nicolas Poussin, Bacchanal of Putti This is a seriously kinky baby orgy.
Orazio Gentileschi, Finding of Moses Girl, please, just take a look at that. Believe me, Moses is going to be parting more than the Red Sea with that staff.
Cornelis van Haarlem, The Gayest Painting of All Time Sean Penn is definitely NOT happy about all these strategically placed insects.
Joos van Cleve, Virgin and Child Sip sip sippin’ on gin and juice (submitted by the mechanical infanta)
Rachel’s lament? That a baby bed is a way better idea in theory than in practice. SO LUMPY.
Orazio Gentileschi, Danaë Making it rain was a lot less fun before the advent of paper money. It also got you pregnant.
Unknown Artist, Laughing Child Drunk baby is drunk.
Rembrandt, Abduction of Ganymede Yup, that baby is definitely pissing himself with fear. Now that’s the kinda attention to disgusting, disturbing detail that truly made Rembrandt a master.
Giotto, The Last Judgement (details) PROTO-RENAISSANCE HULK SMASH
The Christ Child and the Infant John the Baptist with a Lamb Oh… Oh god. They’re fucking that lamb, aren’t they? THAT’S GROSS, JESUS.
Maerten van Heemkerck Goddamn, you could grate cheese on those abs.
Pietro Perugino, Moses’ Journey into Egypt and the Circumcision of His Son Eliezer (detail) How embarassing — he’s like a frightened turtle! C’mon, ladies, we all know it’s really cold in Egypt this ...
Andreas Vesalius, De Humani Corporis Fabrica, 1543 See, this Lord of the Flies shit is what happens when you don’t take a hammer to these little bastards.
British Library, Harley 4425, f. 140. Fuck you, baby.
Look who popped up on The Daily Show last night!
Paolo Veronese, Leda and the Swan Light on the ugly babies, heavy on the swan rape.
Giovanni Lanfranco, Galatea and Polyphemus Just a baby riding a giant fish while a mountainous man plays the world’s largest pan flute. Not that odd.
De monstrorum natura, caussis, et differentiis libri duo West side, motherfucker!
Maesrto de Borbotó, La Virgen entre san Benito y San Bernardo Got Milk?
from Fortunio Liceti’s De monstrorum natura, caussis, et differentiis libri duo (On the nature, causes and differences of monsters, 1616) Double your pleasure, double your fun, that’s the statement o...
Veneto (Pasqualino di Niccolo) Pasqualino, Virgin Feeding the Child Our Holy Mother of Butter Lactation
Early Renaissance Deschi da Parto (Birth Tray) COCKFIGHT (submitted by Emily)
Master of the Magdalene Legend, Madonna Nursing the Christ Child Not sure if neck boob or goiter with nipple.
Afro Christ, throwing up the shocker. Real mature, J-Chrizzle. Not to mention it gives a totally new meaning to turning the other cheek…
Lorenzo Lotto, Virgin and Child with Saints Baby Jesus definitely just farted.
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