I stopped posting here last year when I realized, after some honest introspection, that it was definitely dragging me down. I wanted to reach out to you and others who might have been in the same pla...
Tonight is the night.Im going to do it... Im going to pole dance in front of a live audience for the first time in my life.Im ready... Ive trained a year for this. I even got my drop back/handstand a...
It dawned on me, as I sweated and twirled and flipped in the pole studio until 10pm last night, that I might not get one of my best tricks down pat before the show next Friday. Ugh. At a pivotal mome...
Ive thought of you every day, but my own necessity kept me away - I needed some time, like earlier this year, to recuperate. I read your blogs, and I cant not cry. You feel trapped in your words and ...
[Eavesdropping on a typical conversation between Ana and I, years ago]: Me: “Ana, I’m sick of this. I just want to be happy. Sometimes I just wish I could eat and be normal.” Ana: “By normal do you m...
Girls,I'm so sad because I haven't been able to find Della. We were e-mailing and profile disapeared and her e-mail address was deleted. Does anyone know how to reach her? :'(I'm so sad. free hit cou...
This week was the beginning of Lent. Since I grew up in a religious family, Ana and I used to use any excuse to fast. It was like a free day without any pressure – no one expected me to eat, so there...
I’ve been distant, I know. I won’t let it happen again. You see, I’ve been getting kicked in the gut over and over again. I don’t blame you for being upset that I haven’t posted. I’ve just been flat ...
Hi there,Just wanted to let you know that I haven't fallen off the planet. I was called out of town unexpectedly, but now I'm back. It's been busy. Hope you are all doing ok.xoxokate free hit counter
When I was 12, I made a deal with the Devil. Even back then, for as long as I could remember, I had a lot of anxiety about my body. I remember worrying about the leotards I wore to gymnastics class w...
I can’t sleep. I’ve been laying in bed for an hour, feeling my heart roll around, thumping and buzzing in my chest painfully. It’s my cardiac arrhythmia. Benign in my case, but something we suspect t...
Note: I took this blog post down after writing it last night because I felt it was written from a very post-recovery perspective, which I know many of you are not ready to hear. But based on the feed...
Wow - Some Days it’s JUST as Hard.I remember this. In a huge way, it’s humbling for me to experience this tonight, and to write it down for you. But then again, I promised to be honest with you, and ...
I've been quiet today, reading your blogs and getting to know the individual members of this community a lot better. I feel a deep sense of longing, of loss that I can't fully explain. Most of the ti...
Almost exactly ten years ago, on a snowy December evening, I was at my lowest weight. There were other things going on that day besides my existing as a thin person, but I didn’t realize it until las...
Dear beautiful little Anas,I appreciate all of your feedback - positive, angry, and everything in between. I'll be blogging more about what happened to kat, more about our lives together (there's a r...
Dear little Anas.You are all so beautiful, and I am looking forward to getting to know you better. By now you know that Kat is no longer operating this blog, so I wanted to do the right thing and tak...
To those who have found this blog,I am a recovered anorexic, and I offer you this. Ana destroys relationships. It wounds the family members you care about. It stifles friendships. It is not the answe...
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I've never realized fully the fact that caffiene DOES work until today! Usually I get up and have something caffienated straightaway...just out of habit. Coffee or black tea or something. Last night ...
I am eating my own words today. I love the irony of that phrase...eating. Hahaha.No, I'm not completely eating them, just puking up what I said before, rearranging it, and swallowing it once again. M...
Here it is! The continuing adventures of Kat and her insane life. I've titled the new blog "Dance in Shadow." Read the introduction there to find out why. Many of you have suggested me starting a "re...
I want to apologize for the extremely depressed and psychotic nature of my last post. I was (and still am) working through a lot of pain due to my separation from Paul. Things are so-so...I really do...
Throughout the course of this past week, I have been screwed over so violently and managed to become such a complete mental fuck-up, that I am now left with a bitter, disintegrated core of pain that ...
Hey girls, I'm still on my break from the blog but I realized when I woke up this morning that many anas around the US will be looking for thinspiration today of all days...Thanksgiving. For those of...
I'm fading. Like the tunnel vision that you get right before you pass out...the roaring in your ears then the muffled silence. The heavy feeling in your limbs and then the emptiness as you drop. The ...
Sometimes life seems to quiet into paralyzing silencelike the moonless dark, meant to make me strong.Left alone with only reflections of a memoryto face the ugly girl that's smothering me.And we kiss...
I'm a little scared to post today. But I have things that need to be said.I was initally not even going to address Paul's blog again but I read some startling attacks on his first entry that made me ...
Hello everyone,It's been a crazy few days. Thank you all so much for your support after my catastrophic wii-fit experience, it made me feel so much better hearing that you all completely understand a...
I love how everyone started a contest on who had the worst halloween via my comment block for the last post. ^.^ This is why I love the community, I don't just write to you all, you write back and I ...
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