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The Best Filipino Jokes
bestfilipinojokes.blogspot.com
11
The Best and Funniest Filipino Jokes. Tagalog Jokes. Pinoy Jokes. Text Jokes. Old Jokes and New Jokes.
#117881 in All

All about marriage

Fact or fiction (you make the call): 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. 2. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin… they can’t face each oth...

19 jun 11

Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...

"They told me at the blood bank thismight happen.""This is just a 15 minute power-nap asdescribed in that time management course you sent me.""Whew! Guess I left the top offthe Wh...

19 jun 11

Sekyu

Airforce: "No guts, No glory!"Marines: "No retreat, No surrender!"Army: "No pain, No gain!"Naks ayaw patalo ang Security Guards: "No I.D, No entry!" {lang: en-GB}

19 jun 11

Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen." "This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me." "Whew! Guess I left the top off t...

20 nov 10

Madamot

Juan: Oys, ano yan? Pinya? Pahingi naman dyan.Pedro: Pahingi? Nasaan ka noong nagbubungkal ako ng lupa sa ilalim ng init ng araw? Nasaan ka noong nagtatanim ako habang kumukulog, kumikidlat atbumubuh...

19 nov 10

In A Bar

A gorgeous lady was sitin alone in a bar.Guy: Hi There!The lady ignored him.Guy: You caught my atenti0n as i enter the bar, is it ok to get your nember?Lady: If you have a BMW, a house in boracay , m...

19 nov 10

Common Sense

Isang bata, nagpasa ng blank paper sa art teacher..aTeacher: Bakit blank ang work mo?Bata: Nagdrawing po ako ng baka at damo.Teacher: (tinignan ulit ang papel) San ang damo?Bata: Ubos na po,kinain ng...

19 nov 10

May Tatlong Bampira sa Bar

RICH VAMPIRE: Oorder ako ng fresh blood.ORDINARY VAMPIRE: Sa akin isang order na dinuguan.POOR VAMPIRE: Hot water na lang sa akin.WAITER: Bakit hot water lang po.?POOR VAMPIRE: Nakapulot kasi ako ng ...

19 nov 10

Katawan Lang

Isang magasawa ang dumulog sa korte para magpaannul.Judge: Ano ang dahilan para kayo magpaannul?Babae : ( Nagsalita habang nakayuko ) Your honor, katawan lang ang gusto niya sa akin.Judge : Anong pru...

19 nov 10

Mahal ako ni tatay

ANAK: Tay! Sino mas mahal mo, ako o si nanay?TATAY: Syempre ikaw anak...ANAK: Kaya pala kapag madaling araw,ako po ay kinukumutan niyoat si nanay naman po ayhinuhubaran niyo...sweet niyo talaga tay, ...

19 nov 10

COMPLETE VERSION

Dad: Anak bili mo ko soft drinks.Anak: Coke o Pepsi?Dad: Coke!Anak:Diet o Regular?Dad: Regular!Anak:Bote O Can?Dad: Bote!Anak: 8 oz. o Litro?Dad: Punyeta! Tubig na lang!Anak: Natural o Mineral?Dad: M...

19 nov 10

Call Girl

Misis1: Lolokohin ko ang mister ko kunwari isa akong call girl.Misis2: O sige game ako dyan!Nakita ni misis1 c mister...Misis1: Hello boy pwede ka ba ngayon?Mister: Ayoko nga sa yo kamukha mo misis k...

19 nov 10

Nakakasalat

Sakristan: Father, may libangan din ba ang mga Pari?Pari: Oo, naman, pag dating ng hapon, kaming mga pari dito sa bayan ay naglalaro ng Mahjong.Sakristan: Bakit po naman Mahjong pa ang napili niyong ...

19 nov 10

Panalangin

Sa loob ng simbahan ng Quiapo, isang batang pulubi ang mataimtim na nanalangin sa Diyos.Pulubi: "Panginoon kung maaari po sana ay bigyan ninyo ako ng sampung piso dahil gutom na gutom na po ako.&...

13 aug 10

Pasahe

Sa Isang JeepPasahero: Mama, magkano po yong pasahe?Driver: 7 pesos yong minimum.Pasahero: (Dumukot ito sa bulsa para kunin yong pera niya, ngunit sa di sinasadyang dahilan kulang yong pamasahe niya....

11 aug 10

Ano daw?

Mga Holidays...Q: ano ang holiday para sa mga nanay?A: mothers dayQ: ano ang holiday para sa mga tatay?A: fathers dayQ: ano naman ang tawag sa holiday ng mga buntis?A: e di, labor day!Q: ano ang tawa...

07 aug 10

Dictionary for Women

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when youre right, but he just hasnt realized it yet.Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.Bar-be-q...

01 aug 10

Rules For Women

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.1. Learn to work the toilet seat. Youre a big girl. If its up, put it down. We need it up, you need ...

31 jul 10

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:1. I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.2. A client called in inquir...

08 mar 10

Upuan

Noy Noy: Hindi ako magnanakaw!Gibo: Ako din hindi din ako magnanakaw!Erap: Ako babalik ako dahil hindi pa ako tapos magnakaw!Villar: Ako magnanakaw dahil malaki nagastos ko. Bawi na to.GLORIA: Mga t...

06 mar 10

Ways To Know You Are A Filipino

1. You point with your lips2. You nod upwards to greet someone.3. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir".4. You smile for no reason.5. You flirt by having a foolish grin in your ...

03 mar 10 1 person likes this

Friends at Hunting

Three friends La Sallite, a UP stude, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.The first night, the guy from UP comes back to cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he cooly replie...

03 mar 10

Where To Go To College?

If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La SalleIf you have no money, go to PUP.

03 mar 10

Little Nancy

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"...

08 feb 10

Not Expected

Lester went off on a country trip, but had gone only three blocks before he realised that he had left his call cards on the coffee table. He went back home and quietly went into the house. His wife w...

30 jan 10

When Money Died and Went to Heaven

A 10 dollar bill, a 5 dollar bill, and a 100 dollar bill all die and go to heaven. God sees the 1 dollar bill and says he's been good, so he let him in. He also let the 5 dollar bill in for being goo...

30 jan 10

GMA jokes

Republika ng PekePeke nga produktoPeke mga basketbolistaPeke mga gamotPeke mga dokumentoPeke mga susoat syemprePEKE ANG PRESIDENTE.GMA saved from near death. She asked the man who save her what rewar...

19 jan 10

Bike Lanes

BF: Mam, pag na-install na ang mga BIKE LANES along EDSA, JOSE PIDALang itawag natin. PGMA: Masyadong halata naman. Maganda kung BIKEARROYO!

19 jan 10

Use In A Sentence

Erap was asked by a gradeschooler to test his english ability.Kids : Use Deduct, Defense, Detail & Defeat in a sentence.Erap: (after 15 minutes of silence) DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE, DEFEAT first, t...

07 apr 09

Stuck...

FVR: Sorry I'm late! Brownout! Na-stuck ako sa elevator for 1 hour.ERAP: Wala 'yan! Ako 3 hours sa escalator...

07 apr 09

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