I've tried to get around to as many species as possible on this blog, but it's really hard to keep up with all the smart-ass explorers that go into places like volcanos and obscure unexplored mountai...
Mandrill, I'd like to introduce you to a concept called restraint. Here's how it works: I don't make fun of the fact that you think chewing on a twig is cool, and you refrain from looking like your m...
Ferrets have made no secret out of the fact that they are not happy about being so low down the list of favorite pets, hovering way below the classic favorites like dogs and cats and somewhere betwee...
This nudibranch apparently thinks it's the cutest thing on the block just because it's the neon equivalent of a drama kid. Prancing around the ocean like you have a spine doesn't mean you should pose...
Baby Bat, you are destroying my ability to successfully categorize safe animals and animals that want me to drop whatever I am doing and make sure they are comfortable and happy. You are supposed to ...
This blog is now the property of the Antarctic Police Department. Once everything is bagged and tagged in a few days it will be released back into the internet wild.Thank you for your cooperation.
I thought everyone else would be as interested in this story as I was. Who knew penguins were so selfless?(AP)Penguinville, ANTARCTICA - Moments after emerging from his father's fat fold, a baby empe...
This leopard seal thinks it is so cute that he can lift one flipper up and lean to the side like it's just about to roll its fat ass over. Well, ha. Fucking. Ha. It's so funny to tear penguins apart ...
People, a penguin has kidnapped me. I was on a hot air balloon trip and I crashed in Antarctica and he captured me and forced me to give him my password. DO NOT LISTEN TO ANYTHING HE SAYS! Please, ca...
^^They seem nice enough...^^I learned some things on my vacation that made me think penguins are not everything I've made them out to be in my other posts that I personally wrote and that were defini...
Hey, everyone! I'm back from vacation where I was doing all the thing that humans like to do! I went to the aquarium, ate lots of chicken, and totally walked one foot in front of the other. It was th...
A review of the book by a penguin. (Scroll down.)A totally real interview that totally was with two people with yours truly. (Click on the "Features" tab)An in-depth roundtable with some of my subjec...
Jesus Christ, Australia. What. The. Fuck. I know I've made fun of you for your koala rampages, your lax marsupial drug policies, and your animal-related holidays, but now it's pretty clear you were a...
You want a piece of me, Hyrax? I will fucking destroy you. Oh, your closest living relative is the elephant? An animal that is afraid of a mouse? Well guess what, pussy, I share a bunch of DNA with t...
Great, I didn't even know the bilby existed and already it has a fucking national day in Australia. Way to go Australia, I guess it wasn't enough to make up half of your fauna while you were high (wt...
Not having normal arms and legs is no reason to avoid taking care of yourself, Sea Lion. The water is literally right there, would it have killed you to say to the photographer, "You know what? Hold ...
^^Don't let this happen to me, people.^^This is a post for people who get RSS or email and/or don't read sidebars, and live within a 4500 mile radius of Los Angeles (trust me, coming from any further...
What is it about weird antelopes? Gerenuk, you are so adorable, yet so terrifying, like a Disney character that ends up torturing Bambi's mother while Bambi watches. You have a normal torso, but othe...
What's with the stupid pose, Cat? I'm sure you think you are just headed for the Sears catalog now... or you are making fun of people who are headed for the Sears catalog. I'm going to be honest with...
I've generally let teh internet off with a warning when it comes to distributing cute animal pictures. But I want you to know I am VERY disappointed in all of you, people. What could possibly be wort...
Look at this son of a bitch. Look in his eyes. He knows exactly what he's doing. Oh, I've read the article about Lucky the Duck. I know he claims to have had an "accident" that led to him suddenly be...
^^Penguins are sad. You are happy.^^It's here. Rejoice.Twenty years ago, in the early years of this blog, I commemorated the release of my book in a 17,000 word essay. I think it is even more relevan...
If there's one thing I hate, it's animals that try to live their lives like high-concept performance pieces. I bet this beaver literally shit his pants when he saw this sign (which is most likely why...
**Shameless Self-Promotion Week**I've been getting a lot of emails this week from people asking me things like, "Do you have any plans for a book?" and "When are you going to make a book?!" Well, the...
Good Thursday, people. I'm sure you are all wondering why you are hearing from Fuck You, Penguin today, so let me explain and calm your beating heart. I've been getting some pushback on shameless sel...
**SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION WEEK**Hey Puppy, what are you reading? Is it that awesome new book, FU Penguin, that world famous dog Advice Dog called, "The best book ever written in the modern English l...
**SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION WEEK**Hey Cat, has anyone ever told you that you remind them of the book FU, Penguin that is going to be released on August 25th, 2009, but that you can pre-order from Amaz...
This dog's name is Snapdragon, which not coincidentally is the PERFECT FUCKING NAME for this Muppet-looking motherfucker. I was sent in this picture by a person pretending to be the owner, but honest...
The aye-aye was one of the first animals I was tipped off to by readers and, believe me, I had the same reaction you are having right now: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AND WHY WON'T IT LET GO OF MY EYES? Mo...
How come every time alpacas feel like the energy is low at work they have to do the worm from Labyrinth? Listen, Alapaca, obscure references to 80s cult movies are no excuse for your fuzzy hair, your...
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