Jim Plocker

A Breast By Any Other Name: My Favorite Expressions For Boobies

In case you didn't get the memo, boobs are awesome. So awesome, in fact, that there are hundreds, maybe even thousands, of different names for them, probably more than any other body part. Now I'm going to tell you my favorites of those names, one, because I can, and two, because I worked late on Loveawake's support chat last night and my brain doesn't feel like writing a heavy post.

For me, the best names for breasts are ones that are fun to say (even if they make no sense), that evoke sexy or amusing imagery, or that are food-related, because I like food. Ones like these:

jubblies

golden bozos

melons

yabos

the twins

the girls

Thelma & Louise

funbags

sweater puppies

umlauts

McGuffins

dirty pillows

badoinkies

love jugs

chimichangas

coconuts

squachies

fog lights

gazongas

bodacious ta-tas

The worst expressions for boobs are ones that sound like they came from an anatomy textbook, Jane's Tank and Artillery Recognition Guide or Penthouse Forum. Don't use these if you ever want to get laid:

sweater meat

fried eggs

lactoids

milk wagon

dueling banjos (please don't make me think of Ned Beatty getting sodomized when referring to boobs, thanks)

lungs

Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Dr. Seuss boobs = not good)

Lilo & Stitch (Disney boobs = even worse)

glands

dingoes

skin sacks

knockers

mammaries

tits/titties

warheads

missiles

howitzers

rib cushions

chihuahuas

honkers

hooters

Those are mine; now let's hear yours (favorites and least favorites). C'mon, don't be shy now.

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