It is natural throughout life for a woman to experience changes in their libido. It can be like a rollercoaster ride. One minute you’re up and can get enough. The next minute you are down. There are many influences that can affect the libido of a woman. It can be anything from a change in lifestyle to a certain medicine that has been prescribed.
In tackling the issue of libido I have put together a list of the most universal reasons (and solutions) for a waning in a woman's libido; it may be possible to correct the circumstances with a few simple lifestyle changes.
A Note of Introduction
Libido/Sex Drive vs. Sexual Arousal
There's a large difference between sexual desire and physical arousal: Desire (or libido) refers to your interest in sex, while arousal relates to your body's physical response, such as vaginal lubrication or clitoral erection. There can be a relationship between a woman's libido and sexual arousal as those women with a greater libido often find it easier to get aroused. The opposite is also true with those women with a lower libido finding it much harder to get aroused. The whole idea then is to increase the sex drive and thus your body will respond by being aroused much easier.
Below we list the key reasons that may lower sex drive and suggest ways that may help you boost you libido.
1) Situation and Lifestyle
The older we women get the more responsibilities that we have to handle. When we were younger most of us had higher sex drives that can take as huge fall when we get older. The time between work, kids, friendships, hobbies and homemaking doesn't leave much time for sex. Then when you find you have a little spare time often the last things you feel is sexual or in need of any sexual contact; women often just want to read a good book, watch some TV or catch up on a little sleep. It not that us ladies don't want to have sex it has just somehow become a low priority.
Ladies we must all remember that sex is a very important part of any adult relationship. It may mean you have to be a little practical and schedule sex into the calendar. This may sound a little funny but if that is the only way to make sure that you have a chance for lovemaking then it must be done.
Assign one or two nights a week when you spend quality romantic time with your partner. It time to kick things up a notch: For example take turns bringing something new into the bedroom. Such as high quality sex toys, illustrated book, video or technique. The idea about scheduling tie together is so that you're making a commitment and also allows you to get a mind set of what is going to happen. It gives you mind and body time to prepare and will help find it helps you when sexual arousal enters the equation as you will be more ready for it then coming in cold.
2) Mindset - Anxiety, Stress and Fear
Sex is the last thing on a woman's mind when she is stressed, anxious or has some fears. It could be work related, a relationship issue, family or money problems and they can really lower drastically a woman's libido.
How can any girl feel sexy when she has to worry about mortgage repayments? Fear and anxiety associated with sex itself can also cause problems. In the modern world there are fears of STD's or of getting pregnant, they all can affect the libido and lower the chances of having a rewarding sexual experience.
The way to conquer stress, fear and anxiety is to firstly ensure that the body is healthy. It is up to you to look after you body by eating right, drinking plenty of water, taking regular exercise or even practicing relaxation techniques such as yoga or meditation.
Listen girls, it may seem like hard work but if you are not doing it for your health then do it for your sex lives. The next step is to strengthen the mind by doing things you are good for you such as reading, doing a crossword, talking to friends, kids and your partner and writing in a journal. If you have a healthy body and mind you will become much more capable to deal with the problems in the bedroom.
If you've tried these methods and still feel that anxiety and fear are detrimental your libido, it may be time to seek qualified help. If you are secure with the thought, attempt to talk to a sex therapist. Otherwise a psychologist, life coach or marriage counselor as they can help you feel better and enjoy sex more.
3) Routine and Boredom
It is easy to get stuck in a groove and familiarity can be a big libido killer. Many women's ideal is to be in a monogamous relationship but after 20 years it is perfectly normal to be bored or uninspired by your partner. By this time you have tried most things and have ruled out or forgotten about anything you haven't tried. This can also apply to couples who have been dating for less than six months as they too can get into a sexual rut after the first flush of puppy love has gone away. It can end up with you using the missionary position every time you get it on like on a Monday, Wednesday and Saturday night. It is fine but everyone needs a bit of variety and spontaneity in their lives.
It is time now to get back to basics and to those sexual routes. Try to approach sex as a brand new experience and forget about everything that you like and don't like. Approach you partner and talk about what you want to try in bed. It might be that you just need to introduce something new to the bedroom. There are many ways to re-invigorate your sex life; buy high end sex toys online and use with your mate, watch sexy videos and try to recreate the scene, read or look through some illustrated sex guides. There may be some initial embarrassment or unease with your new experiences together, but if you can keep an open mind you will soon find that your new found experiences lead to much more fun and satisfaction.
4) Relationship Issues
If there is any ill feeling towards a partner it has to be addressed. If an issue or conflict is left unresolved it will lead to a dampening of desire as can secrets or if you are emotionally upset for some reason. When you are carrying negative feelings about a partner, your level of attraction for that person can wane dramatically an even in some severe cases never return. It can be as simple as a lack of appropriate hygiene, or something more complex, such as infidelity; whatever the case issues have to be addressed and dealt with before you can feel sexual again towards your partner.
Communication is the key to a good relationship. If you don't talk to your partner, resentment will grow with you partner and eventually result in an all out conflict. If talking to one another doesn't work then maybe it means trying a counselor or therapist to move things in a positive direction. If that doesn't work then maybe it is time to see a sex therapist as there maybe problems that are deep rooted that even you are not aware of. I am afraid to say though if all else fails then it may just mean that a relationship has run its course and it is time to say goodbye. It maybe a sad moment but sex is an important part of your life and a relationship and you must enjoy it.
5) Body Complex
No one is ever one hundred percent satisfied with their own body as I have covered in other parts of my website. It maybe those extra large love-handles or that bingo wings or maybe even an issue with your small breasts. The truth is that to feel positive about sex then you must be happy with your own body. As I have said we all have imperfections (perceived or real) and it time to accept them and live with them. If you can't then you may need to take some further action.
6) Getting Older
Age catches up with us all and does take a toll on our bodies. There is a loss of bone mass, susceptibility to illness, painful joints, grey hair, sagging flesh and the list goes on. Menopause and decreased testosterone (yes in women too) production are the reasons for decrease in libido but fear, anxiety and depression from aging can contribute too.
If you are going through the menopause, it is important that you understand the changes taking place in your own body. It may mean seeking out your doctor about treatment for the physical changes that are taking place and affecting the sex drive. The use of Estrogens in any forms can increase blood flow to the vagina and increase arousal thus leading to increased desire. Hormone therapy that includes low dose androgens has been shown to be particularly effective at increasing low libido. There may even be something as easy as the use of lubricants to get an immediate effect if you are experiencing vaginal dryness.
7) Sexual Abuse
Those people that have been unfortunate to suffer sexual abuse can later then have a difficult time with physical intimacy. It is a natural reaction and it takes time and understanding for both the mind and body to deal with these painful experiences, but there is little attention paid to our sexuality. Please if this applies to you know that many people who have suffered sexual assault have gone on to have healthy and full sexual relationships. It takes time, patience, understanding and some counseling. This cannot be rushed and you must take your time and only become intimate when you are ready too! Never ever let anyone pressure you into something you feel uncomfortable about.
It is widely known that the effect of birth control pills (also when combined with oral contraceptives) leads to a lowered libido. The decreased androgen production or lowered testosterone levels can cause women to experience a lower libido and less vaginal lubrication.
There are other medications that also dampen desire such as tranquilizers, high blood pressure pills and mood stabilizer amongst many. It must also be noted that even mediation that isn't any way connected to sexual; arousal can have an adverse affect on sexual desire. When talking to your doctor about any new medication and finding that it may alter your libido it might be best to ask if there may be a viable alternative.
9) Medical Problems
There are many numbers of medical disorders that can lower libido such as a thyroid problem or hormone deficiency (especially in older people). A metabolic disorder; anything that adversely affects your metabolism (including an eating disorder, accident, trauma or illness) will obviously cause a lowered libido; it is also true to note that one in five American women have hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), more comely know as a low sex drive. If you have ruled out all other reasons to why you have a low sex drive then consult you doctor. You may have a readily curable medical condition.
There isn't such a thing as a normal libido we are all different and have different sex drives. If you feel frustrated by lack of sexual appetite, take it easy. . Your personal sense of normality is defined by how you feel about your sexuality and whether or not you're happy with how you are expressing it. If you are comfortable about your sexuality then congratulations; if however you feel that you may need a gentle push; then explore the remedies suggested here. There is though no miracle cure some of the suggestions here have worked for other people but may not work for you. It may just take time and patience. It may mean just going solo for a while with luxury sex toys or eating a piece of chocolate. Hey girls chocolates is an aphrodisiac after all!