One study reported that before finding the one, a woman will be heartbroken twice and kiss at least 15 men.
This really backs the saying that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince with data.
Even though we're not 100% sure how accurate that data is.
The fact is, eventually, you will find yourself in a not-so-great relationship.
But figuring out if you're really in a toxic relationship can be tough.
How To Know If You're In A Toxic Relationship
While every relationship can hit a rough patch. Healthy relationships move past them.
Even when there's fighting. At the end of the day. Love and respect are there.
After months and even years of a toxic relationship being normalized. It can be difficult to identify what is a normal relationship woe. Versus what are actually red flags.
But, there are usually clear indicators that a relationship has gone sour.
Persistent drama. Problems that never seem to be resolved. General feelings of hopelessness. Control issues. Name calling.
These are all major indicators that something is wrong.
But what's the difference between a normal relationship?
These are the signs.
Physical and Verbal Abuse
Swearing at each other. Punching the wall. Throwing things. Hitting each other.
These are all extreme, and frightening signs that a relationship is over.
Someone can make a mistake. However, people who are stable don't physically or verbally attack others. Even if you love a person or are worried about someone. It's not healthy for your sanity to stick around.
Physical and verbal abuse was put first on this list for a reason.
It's black and white. If it's happening. Get out.
It Feels Onesided
Feeling like you're always giving, but never on the receiving is a red flag.
People express love and expect to be loved in different ways. However, there should be an equal amount of effort made.
People in onesided relationships feel like they are always the ones going out of their way. They are always having to change their plans. or sacrifice what they want to keep the relationship going.
If it seems like you're always the one to initiate conversations. Or you generally don't feel that your true needs are being met. You might be in a onesided relationship.
There's No Trust
Occasionally catching a wandering eye. Working late or not responding to a text are all things that happen in a normal relationship at some point.
But the difference between seeing these as red flags. Or regular unpleasantries is trust.
Issues of jealousy and lying primarily come from a lack of trust.
Trust is the foundation for any good relationship. While you can get away with dating a person you don't completely trust for some time.
But, if you find yourself wanting to progress the relationship. The hump of trust will be impossible to get over.
Another sign of a lack of trust. Is feeling like you always need to trap or trick someone into finding out information. Or the reverse can be true. If you feel like someone is always trying to "catch" you. The trust is simply not there.
But what's worse than not being in a relationship with someone you trust. Is being in one where you stop trusting yourself.
You Feel Insecure Like You Can't Just Be Yourself
It can be hard to admit that the way you're feeling is a symptom of insecurity.
A loving relationship should create increased feelings of security, not less.
The right partner will love the things that make you different. They'll encourage you to be the most authentic version of yourself you can be.
You shouldn't have to be tactical in a relationship. Insecurity can come in many forms.
Like planning the right questions to ask a guy or girl. Feeling unworthy or feeling like you need to change something about yourself.
Even when you're having a disagreement. You shouldn't feel so shaken-up that you question your self-worth.
There's No Real Talk
When it comes down to it, you need to be able to be yourself in a relationship.
In the beginning phases of a relationship, there will definitely be some walls up. It's normal to not completely jump into a relationship. When you're still getting to know someone.
But eventually, those walls should dissipate as you fall in love.
Self-awareness is the only way to navigate disagreements and problems.
If you can't be yourself, and you can't talk to a person openly about your own or their behaviors. How can you expect to get anywhere?
If there's no real talk in your relationship, you might find yourself feeling empty. Like your relationship has gotten to a stagnant point.
Or worse, a non-negotiable red flag is that you have things you need to say, but you just don't see the point.
Your Competing, Not Working As a Team
Unfortunately, dominant individuals can find themselves competing. Rather than working together if they aren't mindful of their actions.
Couples who compete can find themselves in a hostile environment. Judgment and criticism are common in these situations.
Competition is something that can sneak up on couples. Who are naturally competitive or controlling.
But relationships, marriages, and families built on love. Should be able to talk it out and make an effort to work more closely.
There's A Lot of Uncertainty
From little things to big things. A toxic relationship will leave you feeling like you're always in some grey area.
People in toxic relationships typically can't rely on each other. Either to show-up to something physical. Like a birthday party or family gathering.
Or emotionally, when you need someone to talk to. Or just someone to be on your team and show affection.
Uncertainty in a relationship will leave you staying up late. Scrolling through blogs and articles for answers.
There are also often questions about the status of the relationship or its future.
If you're in the beginning stages of a toxic relationship, you're probably not sure where you stand.
Couples in long-term toxic relationships are uncomfortable to bring up the future. In a bad relationship, there's a general sense of negativity and hopelessness.
Towards how you feel about each other. How you communicate. And lots of questioning if you're even in the right relationship, to begin with.
There Isn't 100% Effort
When you're young you hear this all of the time. "Relationships take work."
But it isn't really until you're in a long-term relationship with someone that you love. That you really begin to understand the breadth of that statement.
There will be growing pains in every relationship. But couples who are in healthy relationships will figure out what they need to do to improve the relationship. Then do it.
People toxic relationships will often make everything about themselves. Inhibiting their ability to step outside of themselves and look at the relationship from a bigger perspective.
This lack of awareness will make it impossible for them to put in the right kind of work.
In a toxic relationship, it will always feel like someone is falling short.
Can A Toxic Relationship Be Fixed?
Unfortunately, a truly toxic relationship more than likely can't be fixed. That's what makes it toxic.
There can be a lack of trust. A lack of love. Or respect. Whichever it is, the bottom line is that something fundamental is missing.
A lot of couples make the mistake of "waiting for something to happen" to justify breaking-up.
They might think an explosive fight, or cheating or something huge and awful has to happen.
They'll often feel guilty for feeling negative towards the relationship. Because they don't think enough has happened for them to feel that way.
But some people just aren't right for each other. Personalities can be too different. People grow and change.
Or they might be at different stages in life, and the timing is just not right.
If you're unhappy, have tried everything you can. Have communicated that. And nothing is improving. It's time to move on.
In today's fast-moving and virtual world. You've got to go beyond old-school ways to find the right tribe.
Healthy relationships start with happy and balanced individuals. Finding a community where you feel comfortable is key.
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