Embracing the Unsettledness

Last week, I took some time to sit down and review my intentions for the year and set some small goals for myself in February. I love having tiny, manageable things to focus on and my intentions are helping to keep me grounded through this phase of my life.

I looked back on my post this weekend to make sure I was still on track for the month and my last, very vague goal stood out to me, “Be more patient with myself and embrace the unsettled feeling of getting into our new normal with me back at work.”

Kind of a strange goal and hard to measure, right? Well, here’s the thing. Behind the goal and behind the vagueness is something I’ve had to admit. I’m struggling.

I’m struggling with accepting my body and appreciating it for what it is. The fact that it’s different from literally my head (thinning hair) to my toes (larger feet) and everything in between.

I’m struggling to find a “groove” and the fact that I’m not yet back to my “normal” workout schedule frustrates me daily. Being active keeps me grounded and it’s something I need, so the fact that it’s a struggle lately bothers me.

I’m struggling with how fast time is going. The days are so long and the weeks are passing so quickly. I worry constantly that I’m not enjoying this baby stage enough.

I’m struggling with getting motivated at work. In retrospect I worked way too hard before I had a baby, but it’s a weird feeling to feel like a completely different person even though my ambitions and abilities are exactly the same. I’m doing fine, but the struggle to want to push harder is a daily one.

I’m struggling with the state of my marriage right now. Is it weird to say I miss my husband even though I see him every day? Well, I do and it’s tough. Most of our time is spent together tackling logistics and as much as I try to enjoy our time, I can’t help but to feel like we have the time to truly connect.

I’m struggling with my friendships and the adjustment of the fact that being a Mom makes all things different. I’m lucky to have unbelievably supportive friends, but sometimes I feel like I’m not giving the care that I typically do to my best ladies.

I’m struggling with the guilt of not missing Buel as much as I “should” during the week. In all honestly, it’s making me appreciate him even more and the few hours I get with him he’s all I can focus on. It makes me feel more present, and I like that.

I’m struggling with self confidence. Being confident was my “thing” and I honestly felt so amazing when I was pregnant. Before I became a mom I felt ready and so unbelievably sure of myself and where I was at in my life.

I’m struggling with being able to enjoy time to myself. Yes, I have a lot even though it may not seem like it sometimes. But the days just seem crazed and when I do get time to myself I’m constantly thinking about what else is next to enjoy it.

I’m struggling with figuring out what the heck to blog about. There’s only so much I can write about my day to day life before I’m bored to tears with it. I get serious FOMO when reading other blogs but also tired of the perfectly curated lives. Since when are blogs perfectly filtered versions of ourselves? Can’t we all just share our struggles sometimes?

Lastly I’m struggling to be grateful. My mind goes in a million directions and unfortunately lately my thoughts are more negative than positive. But you know what, sometimes this happens. And that’s ok.

I’m learning to accept that this unsettled feeling is normal. I have enough faith and patience to wait it out until things feel settled again. And they will, they always do.

Being uncomfortable is hard, but thankfully I have the perspective to accept this phase for what it is. A transition. So in the meantime I’m doing what I can with what I have today and that’s about it. Because what else can I do but wait?

The post Embracing the Unsettledness appeared first on Live Half Full.